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#1:
POST: I don't want my baby boy to he straight, I want it gay.. If it's straight, I'll put it to adoption straight away!
ME: Don't worry little lady. If your the kids first impression of what a woman is, he'll either be gay 或者 a serial killer..


#2:
POST: I'm bored.. Somebody fuck be.
ME: I would, but 你 might cough on me, and I might catch your stupid.


#3:
POST: How do Christians reproduce, if they think sex is a sin, how do they have babies!?
ME: No, no, your mistaking Christians for temblr feminists., they consider 你 a rapist for "having a penis"


#4:
POST: Who trying to get me pregnant? I'll abort it 由 summer.
ME: Good idea, don't want 更多 of your kind running around.


#5:
POST: Having the flu ain'r gonna stop me from being a slut :)
ME: 你 know what also has flu symptoms? HIV. What do 你 get from being a slut? HIV. What do 你 deserve for being a slut? A shovel to the face. What 你 thought I was gonna say HIV? I'm not a monster.


#6:
POST: So I accidantly drank my sons pee.. Tastes even better than my husbands pee.. I 爱情 golden showers!
ME:



#7:
POST: Today my science teacher threw his dead 大车, 购物车 in the freezer, so we had to clean it. #Gross.
ME: #NoShit!.. If your a professor.. Your cat died.. And 你 put in a freezer so other have to clean.. 你 shouldn't be a professor!.. 你 shouldn't even be a alive.


#8:
POST: Korn has the best songs, "I wander out where 你 can't see
Inside my shell I wait and bleeeeed!!"
ME: That's Slipknot you, fucking, idiot!


#9:
POST: My kid is NEVER gonna watch Skrek! Disagree all 你 want! Beautiful people don't go with ugly people! My daughter would grow up thinking she should change cause some ugly boy likes her! Why didn't 怪物史莱克 change for Fiena!? Beautiful people are strong, ugly people are not! Why couldn't he change for Fiona!? Because woman have to do everything!
ME: Try watching 怪物史莱克 2, dumbass.


#10:
POST: GTA V sucks, GTA 5 is better.
ME: Some people can't wake up in the morning without a daily dose of STUPID!!


#11:
POST: How old do 你 have to be to watch porn? I'm a 11 年 old, who has a 16 年 olf brother who always wants me to watch porn with him.
ME: All that 问题 does is make me wanna 冲床 your brother.


#12:
POST: So my roommate and I watch porn every night.. Now he keeps wanting to masterbate in front of me. Is this normal?
ME: Not if your gay.. And weird!
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-Im sorry did my back hurt you're knife?

-Never turn you're back on a friend, thats the best target.

-While you're stabbing my back, 你 can 吻乐队(Kiss) my 屁股 too.

-All the mistakes in the world couldnt measure up to the 日 i thought i could trust you.

-Yeah, being apathetic is a pathetic way to be...
but I don't care, what matters to 你 does not matter to me

-When your up, your 老友记 know who 你 are.
When you're down, 你 know who your 老友记 are.

-You can't laugh last If I stab 你 in the throat with...the 刀 你 left in my back.

-I was the one who 说 things changed;
you were the one who proved...
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posted by iluvsmj
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at 你 trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can 吻乐队(Kiss) a guy* a bird can 吻乐队(Kiss) a butterfly* the rising sun can 吻乐队(Kiss) the grass* but 你 my friend!! yes you!! 你 CAN 吻乐队(Kiss) MY ASS*******

If 你 didn't have feet 你 wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do 你 wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for 你 %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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added by Quirnechia
1) Follow complete strangers around for 10 minutes, then speak into your 领, 衣领 and say, "Harrold, we have a situation. Subject 367 is unresponsive. Code 163!"

2) When 你 get onto the elevator, laugh hysterically for 5 seconds, then glare at the other passengers as if they are crazy.

3)Run up the "down" escalators, shrieking hysterically, and when 你 reach the top, fall silent and glare at other shoppers as if they are crazy.

4) Approach a stranger in any Wal-Mart and hand them a 抹刀, 锅铲 and say, with authority, "The future of the Earth depends on it." Abruptly turn around and walk away....
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