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posted by MsMindlessAztec
1. We dont ALWAYS want sex...only sometimes
2. we dont like it when 你 tell us wat to do
3. never, ever look at other girls with us...otherwise your kicked out
4. 删除 any pictures of ANY other girls on your phones/computers
5. 你 need to listen to us
6. if 你 going to ignore us at least do a good job at it.
7. dont always say "i 爱情 you" like 5 times a day, then we think somethings up
8. bringging us to a club and getting us drunk for sex is a bad idea
9. if 你 get in a fight, admit that your wrong...we like that
10. never say that your the "king of MY casle"
11. always tell us if your borrowing money
12. before sex, let us change into something sexy 或者 nothing at all
13. its a bad idea to tell us to hurry up when getting dressed to go somewhere
14. dont tell us what to wear 或者 when to wear it
15. we hate it when 你 bring to your 老友记 house jus to 显示 us off
16. when taking us to dinner, take some where nice
17. again, when taking us to dinner, make sure 你 dress nice. not jus a t-shirt and jeans!!
18. we 爱情 it when 你 look us in our eyes and tell us we're beautiful 24/7
19. ALWAYS stand 由 us during a carrier no matter how stupid
20. fellas, keep this in mind: ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR ANIVERSIORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21. after marriage dont ask us what happened while in Vegas...then WE wonder what happened with YOU
22. tell us why 你 爱情 us
23. we cant always read your gosh damned minds!!
24. if 你 want to take us to a movie, dont chose a scary one......unless we want to
25. ALWAYS let us pick out the movie your watching
and 26. be careful on what 你 by...we watch EVERYTHING.
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a 《勇敢传说》 who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This 《勇敢传说》 had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that 你 just wanna 冲床 in the face , then someohow , 你 end up in a relationship with them , 你 fall in 爱情 , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing 你 want to burn either (:]) Well if 你 still have feelings for that person im gonna help 你 get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap 你 guys (: , ohk so 你 could first start off 由 doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave 你 on 火, 消防 ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be 给 LIFE in prison without the possibility 或者 parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet 蟒蛇, python refused to eat it was 给 three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD 展示 Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the 蟒蛇, python in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the 蟒蛇, python failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf 或者 date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the 下一个 time.....thank u all for 阅读 this..and plz 评论 ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think 或者 relate to these, in some way 或者 another:

-When 你 forget someone's name 你 wait for someone else to say it so 你 don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't 删除 my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and 你 are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are 你 kidding me?' even though 你 know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when 你 grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when 你 cheat,we hate 你 and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like 你 understand PMS,because 你 dont.So stop 表演 like it.

4.when 你 stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and 你 get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So 你 may as well stfu.

5.when 你 flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if 你 arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like 你 dont care.We want...
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1)Devise a secret code with your 老友记 then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask 问题 so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s 问题 in slow motion 2)Answer 问题 only with one word
3)Scream 随意 words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” 或者 “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer 问题 in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If 你 have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal 由 conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what 你 think."

7. Claim that 你 must always wear a bicycle 头盔 as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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So you've just traveled to a foreign country, taken a subway 你 never take, 或者 teleported to medieval England due to a time travel mishap. Your surroundings are strange, confusing, and possibly haunted. But instead of freaking out—due to frustration, confusions, and ghosts, respectively—you should follow these expert pointers to get yourself from 迷失 to un-lost.

1) DO ask for directions. DO NOT ask an axe murderer for directions.
People who see 你 crying over a crumpled map are almost always helpful (axe murderers being a notable exception). Look for some official-seeming person 或者 kindly...
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Like the 标题 says, Does Robert Pattinson die in remember me? My 老友记 说 that he does and I just wanted to know. :):) :)
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:) :) :) :)
Haley:Hey!Guys let's compare our self's to 日本动漫 and cartoon characters!

James:Okay.I'll go first!Haley 你 remind me of...Akira Kogami from lucky star!

Haley:...I do NOT have constant mood swings between happy and cute to mean and bitchy!YOU FRIGGIN' SON OF A WHORE!!!

James:Haley I know what my parents are.

Jack:W-What!?

Haley:Alex 你 remind me of...Alucard from Hellsing!

Alex:...That's nice...Kara reminds me of Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran high school host club.Bland and uninteresting.

Kara:Oh screw you!...Melissa you...wait how did 你 get into my house?

Melissa:Well I'll have 你 know I invited my...
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posted by HaleyDewit
Chris went to his bedroom and sank down on his bed. He lay down and stared at the ceiling. He wondered how the world outside would be like. Sure he had a clear view from behind his window, but it wasn’t the same as really be outside. He heard a familiar noise and a few 秒 later Bianca materialized in the center of his room. He looked up at her, with an angry look in his eyes.
“Thanks for betraying me, Bi” Bianca sighed and shrugged. “I was only trying to help you. Wyatt shouldn’t be treating 你 this way and 你 know it” “What can I do about it? He saved my life. He raised...
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User: Wendigo 或者 yeti.

Cleverbot: Who is Wendigo?

User: Wendigo is a abomination.

Cleverbot: Define abomination.

User: Abomination = # a person who is loathsome 或者 disgusting # abhorrence: hate coupled with disgust # an action that is vicious 或者 vile; an action that arouses disgust 或者 abhorrence; 'his treatment of the children is an abomination'.

Cleverbot: I only fear death, but I cannot even fear that much with 你 at my side.

User: I do not fear death but I fear giving up on life.

User: I've gotta go mate speak 你 soon babe.

Cleverbot: Don't leave!

Cleverbot: Well the meaning of life certainly isn't...
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posted by sapherequeen
It all began when I was eight-years-old. My mother had found a new boyfriend named Nate. The two of them had a steady relationship for some months before they finally decided to find a house to live in together. They relocated a house at a different 街, 街道 in the same town I have been living in since I was 10-months-old. At first, it seemed like a nice street. It had this peaceful feeling to it, the feeling that just made 你 feel like home. That was one of my greatest memories of the street, the feeling of 首页 that it always gave me. I also made new 老友记 immediately; a little girl named...
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Bananas can sometimes be just as dangerous as lemons, but remember, monkeys touched them a lot, so they have some portion of us stuck in them. Really, they can be just as sentimental as us. I swear, last night my copy of The Blind Side got stolen, and there was a 香蕉 strangely close to the TV.....nevermind. Here's the 列表 你 have to watch out for:

1.The simplest way is the 香蕉 peel. Bananas like to be wackos and 显示 themselves to the ladies, so they shed some skin and sit there on the most slippery surface they can get. Of course, they don't care about you---so if 你 are near a slippery...
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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the 表 with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the 牛奶 carton.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check 或者 charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a 电视 set in her purse.
"So, do 你 always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied,...
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posted by McDreamyluva
LOLs!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did 你 get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been 给 your share !

HE: Will 你 come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make 你 very happy
SHE: Why? Are 你 leaving?

HE: What would 你 say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh...
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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If 爱情 is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should 你 believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that 狗 爱情 to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at 你 if 你 blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a 树 falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the 五角大楼 were...
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•    A few clowns short of a circus

•    A few fries short of a Happy Meal

•    A few beers short of a six-pack

•    Dumber than a box of hair

•    A few peas short of a 沙锅, 砂锅

•    Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box

•    The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

•    One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl

•    A few feathers short of a whole 鸭

•    All foam, no beer...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
•    Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.

•    Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to head bang.

•    At stop lights, eye the person in the 下一个 car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

•    Two words: Chicken suit.

•    Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The 更多 it looks like blood, the better.

•    Stop at the green lights.

•    Go at the red ones.

•    Occasionally...
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