Which one is the real one?

After dying, I went to heaven. Funny story, actually.
So after I got there, I had to wait in this big line! I didn't know what the hell was at the end of it. So about two hours later, I was at the beggining of the line. As it was my turn, I stepped up to a man wearing a flight attendant uniform.
"What's your name, mister?" He asked me
"John Richardson."
"Hmm, John Richardson, 45 years old, shot in the head, you're gonna have to wait for the 下一个 bus."
"Bus?"
"There are busses that take 你 to heaven. Now, 你 can wait in one of our many lovley shops of caffes."
"Damn."
I walked to a nearby coffee shop,...