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 The B*tches guide to Etiquette
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posted by invadercalliope
I am your forgotten dream,
Broken and unseen.

I hurt myself,
So I can feel alive.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one 你 love,
Love someone else in return.

Don’t say 你 爱情 me unless 你 really mean it,
Cause I might do something crazy like believe it.

Feels like 你 could 吻乐队(Kiss) my imperfections away,
And I would stand 由 your side until the sun turns the sky.

I swear to 你 on everything I am,
And I dedicate to 你 all that I have,
And I promise 你 that I will stand right 由 your side,
Forever and always, until the 日 I die.

I’m not crying over what 你 said;
It’s what 你 didn’t say that...
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posted by ilovepenguins
I didn't write this!


Sell used bus tickets. Claim they are for half the price.

Get on the bus, grinning widely. As soon as the bus begins to move, burst into song. When 你 arrive at the 下一个 stop, stop singing. Step off the bus backwards, still grinning widely.

If 你 are seated between two passengers, yawn loudly, strech, and put your arms around them.

Greet passengers with a big hug, handshake, smile and say ³Hi, call me Norman²

Put a leash on a friend and walk him/her onto the bus. Insist he/she is a dog and should go for half fare.

When arriving at your stop, do not push the button to...
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posted by Saturnluv39
It is easy to speak and write in Pig Latin, so we all should know how to do it! I'm gonna teach 你 all how to do it!
1. Put the first letter of the word in the back of the word. If the first letter is a vowel, leave it in the front.

2. Add 'ay' to the end of the word.

example:
1. latin
2. atinl
3. atinlay

example:
1. after
2. after
3. afteray

Now 你 know how to do it!
Now, if 你 want to try it out, please translate this sentence into pig latin, and 显示 your results in a comment:
because the web should revolve around you

enter your translation results, and if 你 win, 你 get the prize. I will tell the winner on Dec. 2nd, 2009. If 你 are a winner check everything on your profile.
added by JustHuddy
added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr, where else?
added by popalj
Just 阅读 some of the 《终结者》 语录 through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash 日 tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. 你 might get annoyed 由 it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear 超人 pajamas. 超人 wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a 心 attack. His 心 isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first 你 don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on 火, 消防 with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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INT. A SHOPPING MALL WE'VE USED BEFORE - DAY.

The mall. Teenage girls bury their heads in piles of clothes and giggle. A Sale Sign goes up and they scream. Mothers drag kids 由 their heels. As the people pass by, they glance uncomfortably at something off-screen then hurry along. The children point, faces uncomprehending.

Pan over to find ZIM and 吉尔 in a dark corner, near a waste receptacle, dressed as clowns. ZIM just stares out evilly at the passing people. 吉尔 simply stares, holding balloons.

ZIM (to GIR)
Look at them, GIR. THEY think we are clowns. But we are not clowns.

GIR gasps in shock....
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posted by KateKicksAss
 This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
Of course, if 你 are TRULY random, 你 shouldn't even need a guide, O_O

Randomness, randomosity, randomology, whatever 你 may call it, is using improvisation to create original humorous phrases 或者 monologues 或者 pine cones on the spot. 'Randomosity' is fun to express in the presence of 老友记 或者 logging companies, but can quickly become extremely obnoxious. Have fun with your randomness, don't force it. Remember, if 你 got it, Flaunt it!

Steps

1. Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and 你 can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays...
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"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and 由 brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in 床, 床上 and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse 桃子 was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", 桃子 told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a 吻乐队(Kiss) and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. 雏菊, 黛西 hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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added by EmzLovesCheryl
added by h2o-fen-site
舱, 小木屋 for the Summer
Chapter Ten: Chelsea & Others
(I know this isn’t supposed to be Chelsea’s chapter, but since Chelsea and James broke up something is going to happen!)
By: moolah

    “I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed in his face, tears running down my face. “Stop yelling at me!” He yelled, a fist at his side. “It’s not helping anything!” Tori walked downstairs in her PJ’s and her eyes looking heavy. All the lights downstairs were on and Beth and David were trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. James had come back to the 舱, 小木屋 drunk again with...
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"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty 或者 anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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posted by lilred96
Mysterious love

-chapter five-

As we were walking down the stairs too the lunch room he said"So how was 阅读 and math?"
"Boring"I 说 he kinda smiled and 说 "Well..." but trailed off
I was going too ask why when rebecca came up and looked at us she sort of examined us ,I guess is a better word.She said"June do 你 no if the librarian has a nother copy of that geometertry book I need it for something?"I just 说 "Umm I dont think she has one" When mathew 说 "I bet i have a copy at home,you can borrow"
I looked at him wondering why he was 阅读 it in the 图书馆 when i came in too look...
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Just decided to write something random! My first 文章 so 评论 if 你 want!!! 或者 not!


Why am I 写作 this?
Why is it hot 或者 cold?
Why is the sky blue?
Why, I don't know!
Why does sound so corny?
Why is your name your name?
Why are goldfish orange?
Why is 潮流粉丝俱乐部 fanpop?
Why is this random?
Why are your panrents your panrents?
Why do we like pie/cake?
Why don't we like pie/cake?
Why are there glasses?
Why do we have 10 toes/fingers?
Why do we eat?
Why do we have clothes?
why why why plz tell me why.
I laughed so hard when I read this and I just had to share it

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

2. "Hey, are 你 busy?" 或者 "Are 你 doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all 日 but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're going to say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile when they’re...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus