Credit: I found these online, and they made me smile. As 你 can see, I clearly didn’t make them up. Thought of course, If I had, I wouldn’t be claiming they were someone elses…Never mind..
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.
Did 你 ever walk in a room and forget why 你 walked in? I think that’s how 狗 spend their lives.
–Sue Murphy
I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’
-Bruce Baum
你 have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a 日 when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say 你 cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
- Yogi Berra
He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- Robert Gronock.
Question: If 你 could live forever, would 你 and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Contrary to 流行的 belief, “Damn It” is not God’s last name.
(Construction wall, Philadelphia, 1969)
Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they’ll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.
Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.
America is the country where 你 can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.
Why do they call it rush 小时 when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett
If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.
Did 你 ever walk in a room and forget why 你 walked in? I think that’s how 狗 spend their lives.
–Sue Murphy
I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’
-Bruce Baum
你 have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a 日 when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)
Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say 你 cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
- Yogi Berra
He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- Robert Gronock.
Question: If 你 could live forever, would 你 and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Contrary to 流行的 belief, “Damn It” is not God’s last name.
(Construction wall, Philadelphia, 1969)
Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they’ll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.
Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.
America is the country where 你 can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.
Why do they call it rush 小时 when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett
If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.
See if ya can read this---
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and 你 can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter 由 istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
Then why the HELL do they keep shouting 'bout "correcting-the-spellings"?!?
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and 你 can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter 由 istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
Then why the HELL do they keep shouting 'bout "correcting-the-spellings"?!?
No stretch marks, no worrying about your diet, 你 can get on every ride in carowinds, and other amusement parks
If 你 wanna gain a little weight all 你 have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!
No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks 你 what your size is 或者 how much 你 weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror
I mean when 你 think of women 你 think of Petite. Right??
I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
If 你 wanna gain a little weight all 你 have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!
No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks 你 what your size is 或者 how much 你 weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror
I mean when 你 think of women 你 think of Petite. Right??
I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
When 你 turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If 你 have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
你 cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If 你 have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
你 cannot turn back anymore
__________________________________________________
furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai