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posted by simpleplan
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, 你 answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, 你 answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, 你 answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, 你 say “is that so?”
5. If 你 so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher 你 did not turn in your homework because 你 were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
10. Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
11. Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
12. Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one 或者 two points higher than it actually is.
13. While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
14. When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
15. Roll your pencil across the desk.
16. Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of 你 as the cymbals.
17. Never bring a pen 或者 pencil so 你 always have to borrow one from the teacher.
18. Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
19. Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
20. Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if 你 fall over backward.
21. Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if 你 snap and crack it with out being caught.
22. When possible, eat 食物 in class. Loud, crunchy food.
23. Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate 180 degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
24. Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
25. Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if 你 just came from recess lunch.
26. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if 你 can go to the bathroom.
27. Ask if 你 can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
28. Put too many staples on your paper when 你 staple it. Extra points if 你 make a good 设计 with them.
29. Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
30. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
31. Blurt out the 答案 to the teachers questions.
32. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your 座位 and shout “I know, I know!”
33. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm 树 in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
34. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
35. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on 你 say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
36. Make basket shots with every paper 你 want to throw away. Extra points if 你 get a basket.
37. When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story 你 know.
38. When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
39. When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells 你 to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
40. When the teacher calls on 你 say “finally”—Even if 你 where picked first.
41. Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
42. For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures 你 can find.
43. Whistle while 你 work.
44. Never seem to listen to directions.
45. Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
46. Comb, brush, 或者 braid your hair in class.
47. Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
48. Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
49. Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
50. Laugh out loud for no reason.
51. Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
52. Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
53. After everything your teacher says say “That’s what 你 think”.
54. If 你 have a substitute teacher, ask 你 and your 老友记 to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
55. Track sand into the classroom 由 “accident”.
56. Keep dropping your pencil.
57. Call her “grandma”.
58. Call him “grandpa”
59. Throw lots of spit wads.
60. Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming 你 were actually nice”.
61. After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
62. Hide other 图书 inside of text 图书 and appear to be 阅读 the text book.
63. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
64. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
65. Make up humorous excuses for being late.
66. Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
67. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time 你 finished something. Anything.
68. Annoy Ms. Thompson. AT ALL COST.
69. If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
70. Make animal shows on projector.
71. Read your math book when 你 are supposed to be 阅读 history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
72. Read comic 图书 hidden in your text books.
73. Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your 心 and say “WOW!”
74. Ask the same 问题 the teacher just finished answering 10 分钟 ago.
75. Knock a heavy text book off your 台, 办公桌 again…and again…and again….and again….
76. Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
77. Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
78. Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing 2 分钟 later to annoy your teacher.
79. Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
80. Read out loud during silent 阅读 time.
81. Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
82. Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
83. Write stupid 问题 on your desk.
84. Put messages in your textbooks.
85. Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
86. While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
87. Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
88. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
89. Make your id picture hard to read.
90. Put staples all over the floor.
91. If 你 have the guts, start a 食物 fight. ?
92. Come in just after the 钟, 贝尔 every day.
93. Complain about the 食物 at the school cafeteria.
94. Pretend like 你 have only one brain cell.
95. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
96. Laugh stupidly. Often.
97. Talk loudly about your 最喜爱的 show.
98. If 你 can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty 分钟 of your 最喜爱的 cd over it. Extra points if 你 do not get caught.
99. Play coin football during silent 阅读 time.
100. Gather your stuff ten 分钟 before class ends.
101. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
added by RosaluvzJB
added by loonybug
added by loonybug
Source: tumblr
added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr, where else?
added by popalj
posted by nmdis
Wake up to your dreams
And watch them come true
I'll make 你 whisper my name, I'll never leave the room
Night and day, I'll be your muse
No other girl can make 你 feel the way I do
I can make the stars dance
Light up the moon, I can make the stars dance
If 你 want me to
The sky is everywhere, so meet me under there
I can make the stars dance dance dance with you
Don't be afraid, close your eyes
Let me take 你 to places you've never been tonight
I thought 由 know you'd realize I can do anything I put my mind to
I can make the stars dance
Light up the moon, I can make the stars dance
If 你 want me to
The...
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1. They feel happy and like nothing can take them down.
2. They start feeling depressed for no reason.
3. They feel like crying for a while.
4. They cry heavily and not knowing why their crying makes it worse.
5. They feel mad and feels like everyone should feel her wrath.
6. They feel so alone and unloved 由 everyone, some are driven to cut themselves.
7. They feel like only God understands them.
8. Their time of the 月 is over and they normal again.
This is what i went through, so i assume other girls do to.
posted by IloveMyLord

In jealousy there is 更多 of self-love than love.
FranÁois de la Rochefoucauld
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
Robert A. Heinlein
There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.
Lope de Vega
Jealous people poison their own banquet and then eat it
unknown
Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.
Bible
Jealousy is the dragon in paradise; the hell of heaven; and the most 苦 of the emotions because associated with the sweetest.
A.R. Orage...
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Dani Stump Quotes

“Like my friend always said...this sounds like a personal problem”

“The weird thing about being married to the lead singer of Fall Out Boy and being a lead singer myself is that Patrick's a Rock singer...and I'm a Heavy Metal singer”

“The 音乐 genre that always got to me was Heavy Metal...that's why Party Poison can be classified as a Heavy Metal band”

“The ones who influenced me was Dragonforce and Metallica....the ones who influence me now is of course Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance”

“I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a artist...
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You’re now chatting with a 随意 stranger. Say hi!

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

Stranger: WOOF

Stranger: WOOF

Stranger: WOOF

Stranger: WOOF

You: meow

You: meow

You: meow

Stranger: WOOF

You: meow

Stranger: WOOF

You: meow

You: NOT ANOTHER DOG! O_O

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! 8D

You: 你 HAVE GOT TO BE KITTEN ME. T_T

Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA I SEE WHAT 你 DID THERE!!! KI FUCKING SAW IT!!!! 8D

You: O_O

You: I AM A MAGICAL CAT.

Stranger: ZALDGFALDGASDFALDFGALDSFGASDA OH MY GOD. IM A MAGICAL BURRITO. WANNA...
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posted by dylin1
Time for some fun... 哈哈 twss

Body: TEN THINGS ABOUT 你
1. Are 你 single?
Yeah.

2. Are 你 happy about that?
no

3. Are 你 bored?
YES

4. Are 你 sad?
Nah.

5. Are 你 Italian?
No...

6. Are 你 pregnant?
HELL NO

8. Are 你 cool?
The coolest person you'll ever meet!!!

9. Are 你 Irish?
Yeah

10. Are your parents still married?
Nope

TEN FACTS
1. Full Name:
Madylin Sage Duce

2. What are your nicknames?
"that girl who ______" fill in the blank.

3. Birth place:
Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada

4. Hair color:
Light Brown.

5. Hair style:
sheiber

7. Birthday:
august 8, 97

8. Mood:
chill

9. 最喜爱的 color:
black,white,blue,purple,red....
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posted by ultimatefredde
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something 你 aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner 或者 later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what 你 really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, 或者 take her to dinner, also sometimes a card 或者 a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, 你 wont die...
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posted by JonasLuver1
Why Guys 爱情 Girls:

1. The way they always smell good even if it’s just shampoo
2. The way they always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. How cute they look when they sleep
4. The ease in which they fit into our ams
5. The way they 吻乐队(Kiss) 你 ad make everything alright in the world
6. How cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the it’s all worthwhile
8. The way they are always warm even if it’s minus 30 degrees
9. The way the look good no matter what they wear
10. The way she fished for compliments even though 你 both know she’s the most beautiful...
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posted by ilovetech29
1."My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
2."Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
3."Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
4."Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
5."Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a 树 and misplaced his hip."
6."John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
7."Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
8."Megan...
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Just 阅读 some of the 《终结者》 语录 through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash 日 tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. 你 might get annoyed 由 it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by lloonny
1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear 超人 pajamas. 超人 wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a 心 attack. His 心 isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first 你 don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on 火, 消防 with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9....
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posted by KateKicksAss
 This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
This is your new mascot. All hail the bunny!
Of course, if 你 are TRULY random, 你 shouldn't even need a guide, O_O

Randomness, randomosity, randomology, whatever 你 may call it, is using improvisation to create original humorous phrases 或者 monologues 或者 pine cones on the spot. 'Randomosity' is fun to express in the presence of 老友记 或者 logging companies, but can quickly become extremely obnoxious. Have fun with your randomness, don't force it. Remember, if 你 got it, Flaunt it!

Steps

1. Break free of conventional rules. Finishing your sentences is not mandatory, merely optional and 你 can do it on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays...
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"An old woman haunted me!"

One night my and 由 brothers and I were sleeping up stairs while my mom was downstairs reading. I was lying in 床, 床上 and heard this light stomping sound. Then the stomping sound got a little heavier. Soon, it became so loud that my brothers and I all came out of our room because we were scared. My mom had heard it too and she thought it was one of us playing a joke, but it wasn't - we were all in bed! We had no idea what to make of it and were really freaked out. But then, things got creepier....

"We found her stuff in the attic, her name was Tamara!"

I went over to...
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posted by yoshifan1976
Doctor Mario was in his office when suddenly there was an urgent phone call. It was Daisy. "Mario, come quick. Luigi's very sick." "I'll be there right now, Daisy", Mario told her. Nurse 桃子 was very concerned. "What's wrong, Mario?" "Luigi's sick", he answered with worry. "Go", 桃子 told him kindly. "I can take care of things here." "Thanks, Peach". He gave her a 吻乐队(Kiss) and then rode over to Luigi and Daisy's house. 雏菊, 黛西 hugged Mario and led him upstairs. "Hey little brother", he smiled at Luigi. Luigi smiled back. He loves his big brother Mario. No one understood the brotherly bond between...
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added by loonybug
Source: tumblr