So when it comes to buying physical copies of PS2 games, there’s always one issue that stems from it. That being the case of some games can be brutally expensive. Like I was hoping to buy a copy of Rule of Rose for the PS2 because I heard it was one of the most painful games to play with one of the best stories ever written. That was until I found out that the going price regularly is six hundred USD. So, yeah, no fucking thank you. I like to live in a house and eat food. But of course, Rule of Rose was far from the only game to do this. And with some games I wanted to buy on the PS2 like Chulip, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence and so many others, I decided to just say fuck it and bought myself a PS3. It would be 更多 financially sound to just purchase a $130 console with very few games on them then to buy a $300 game. Now that’s not to say I’m retiring the old PS2 slim I have. We’ll get back to good PS2 games soon. Games like… uh… Aeon Flux, based on the movie. But for today, we’re talking about one of the most hard to find games on the PS2, only $10 on the PS3. It was a game that reviewed poorly, sold poorly, killed it’s studio, but lives on as a cult classic and the stepping stone for many creative IPs to come. That’s right, it’s motherfucking God Hand!



God Hand is a strange little title. It was made 由 Clover Studios, a game studio and subsidiary to Capcom, the studio that makes 街, 街道 Fighter, Resident Evil, Devil May Cry, Mega Man, and so many more, for those who continue to live under the biggest rock ever. Clover Studios was headed 由 Hideki Kamiya after his successful work on the first Devil May Cry game where he got to work on Viewtiful Joe, a pretty 流行的 game, and Okami, his dream game, which was not as 流行的 but was still a gorgeous game that holds up even now. After the Capcom Five that was spearheaded 由 Shinji Mikami, director of the Resident Evil games, and after a big failure that was, Mikami decided to go to Clover to make the dumbest, weirdest and most insane game that he could before he would make Vanquish a few years later. That game was God Hand. Mikami and Clover had a vision to make a combat system that was unlike anything else at time, using a third person tank control style similar to Resident Evil 4 and would put the characters of God Hand on the map. What ended up happening was the infamous IGN review score where they gave the game a 3 outta 10, calling the game too difficult and far too strange to get into, sales for the game were some of the worst in the history of Capcom, and with management shutting down Clover Studios and Kamiya and Mikami, feeling that their creativity was being squandered due to the pisspoor management at the time, left Capcom along with other figures of the industry and went on to work at Platinum Games, where they went on to make Bayonetta, Mad World, Metal Gear Rising, and Wonderful 101 and the rest is history. But what was the fate of God Hand? Well, it remains as that weird footnote in Capcom’s history to critics, with Capcom not really doing much with God Hand. The most that was done, outside of a PS3 port, was the main character was considered a spot in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, but was replaced with Amaterasu from Okami. That said, God Hand has lived on as a huge cult following online, with 粉丝 quoting it regularly, begging Capcom to give the game a 秒 chance when we all know that really won’t happen. Does this game deserve to be forgotten 由 time 或者 did it deserve 更多 love? All these 问题 will be answered… now. Yes!
God Hand takes place in a strange sort of Fist of the North Star-esque world where demons disguised as humans in the weirdest fashion have taken over the world, terrorizing humans for fun and just making their lives miserable, be it poisoning them 或者 drowning them for laughs 或者 making them work as slaves. Meanwhile, Gene, who has a mysterious power of a God Hand within his right arm, is able to defeat the demons and try to collect the Devil Hand, along with his ball busting cohort, Olivia. So first things first, this world is fucking weird. Like really weird. A Saturday morning cartoon with villains that are evil for the sake of being evil, 超能英雄 with cheesy one liners, strange sense of humor and slapstick all across the board, featuring an insane 列表 of combos and special moves that are called out over a surfer rock soundtrack. Bosses consisting of giant Mexican demons, a nympho, Vergil wannabes, a wrestling gorilla, gay people, a British rock band with a beat boxing butler, 交叉, 十字架 dimensional samurai, Arnold Schwarzenegger is there for some reason, chihuahuas, five aggressive midget sentai heroes, short hair girls. Who the fuck made this mess of a game? Me? Well, no, as stated, it was Mikami. Believe it 或者 not, Mikami does not care about story in his games. I know, shocker. Resident Evil was such a well written game. Look, I’m gonna be real with 你 all, nobody plays Resident Evil for the story. If 你 do, you’re playing it wrong. People play Resident Evil for the horror gameplay, having to decide in the moment what 你 want to do, if 你 want to use a grenade on a gaggle of villagers, 或者 stun one to do a kick to hit them all, 或者 just shotgun them. 你 don’t know what’s up ahead, and 你 wanna be ready. Resident Evil is about the gameplay and deciding on the fly what to do. And trust me, God Hand is not a game with a great story. Fun characters and silly concepts that legit make me laugh, but a good story? Fuck no. I don’t even think there is much of a story outside of “demon bad. Fist her, mister.” Even the dialogue is all over the place a lot of the time in these cutscenes and feels like characters are having two different conversations. But there are moments that get me laughing. Like how everyone treats this game like some sort of stage act. Gene trying to act cool in the face of utter madness. Even how the characters try to be cool but fuck it up so fast, along with the utter madness. The game is so crazy that I end up laughing with God Hand rather than at it. But the comedy isn’t all 金牌 though. There are elements of…. The 2000s in this game. Complete with sexualization of female characters like every fighting game was doing at the time, and… very stereotypical depictions of gay men down to mocking if they have no balls. It’s uh… definitely of the time. I can’t exactly fault the game of a style that was common in that 日 and age, even if it is in poor taste nowadays. But everyone has their own filter and I won’t judge your thoughts on it. Everyone has their own and… I call myself an autistic faggot, 你 think I got a limit? But enough about talking about the shit tier to god tier 写作 and humor. 你 all know what I want!
But before we get into the meat and potatoes, God, this world is ugly. Like, not the graphics, because the character 模特 are alright for late PS2 standards. It’s the level design. Like there’s a clear crust to all the buildings and the overworlds, especially with the layouts being really weird mazes 或者 straight lines, skys having crazy obvious Jpegs as a background, and even the walls clip through. Like these are some fuck ugly levels. But the absurdity of them manages to hold back and make me forget that. Like the western town is one thing, but then 你 go to a carnival then 你 just straight up go to Italy with a giant demon temple in the middle. Like I thought this was a horrid Fist of the North 星, 星级 planet with no water, and yet I can see the Venice lake and 你 even ride a 船, 小船 through it. So yeah, weirdo level designs, just wanted to bring that up. Now we can talk about the big thing.
So the game has this sort of over the shoulder Resident Evil 4 style of things, with a quick turn and some tank control method, as in 你 移动 前锋, 期待 and control Gene in this odd manner like Leon in RE4. Now for a character action game, this sounds like a fucking nightmare. But when all fights are up close and personal, it actually manages to work. Especially when we get into it. That’s right son, God Hand has got them all. We got combos, we got juggles, stuns, taunts, grovels, level ups, level downs, Roulette moves for extra strategy, a special 移动 to save your 屁股 from becoming grass. Pummels, Stingers, Stomps, 眼镜蛇 Twists, S-Spankings… sure. This game has it all, man, and it comes in a plethora of ways. What looks to be a confusing mess that punishes 你 for not learning is actually one of the deepest combat systems of its time, that will punish 你 for not learning. In God Hand, 你 got a menu of moves, a huge fucking list, and while some will obviously be better than others in strength, 你 do not wanna put on all the strength moves. While they do hit hard if they can hit, 你 gotta think about your animations. If 你 are doing an animation, the enemy will not wait. They will hit 你 during your wind up, probably combo 你 even, and 你 have no chance of hitting them. God Hand is all about finding the right startup to your combo list, setting it up accordingly, and making it a combo string that satisfies your needs. With the 列表 of moves and how 你 can manage all of it, it is impossible for 你 to have the same build as I did playing this game. I went for a build that was all about closing the gaps in my 动画片 and keeping a combo going. It was the slower option, but when I was juggling an enemy in the air with a 马骡, 骡子 Kick and then performing Stinging Bee, Floating Butterfly, Elbow Spin 3 and Elbow Vortex, among other moves, all within a corner combo on a really difficult opponent while they were getting angry with me, it was super satisfying.
Even the dodges have depth to them. Ever one of these character action games has a fun set of dodges and they reward 你 for a good dodge. But God Hand, your reward is 你 didn’t get hit. Good job. Now 你 better not fuck it up. 你 get three kinds of dodges. Backflip is for beginners like me. It’s good to get out of a pinch, but is the least rewarding, kills your momentum of the combo, and can still mess 你 up if timed wrong. The sidestep is much quicker than the backflip, but 你 will still get hit if the enemy does a horizontal move. And my favorite, the juking. This keeps 你 in place, and while it is the 更多 dangerous option, offers the best rewards. Enemies can still hit 你 with grabs, vertical slashes 或者 low attacks, but if 你 can juke their combos, 你 are 给 a free counter. Counter that does way 更多 damage. And when 你 do good enough, 你 have the chance to raise the level up. Resident Evil 4 did this in a subtle manner. The better 你 did at the game, the 更多 difficult it got and threw 更多 enemies at you. But the 更多 你 died at one spot, it would lessen it for 你 and take some enemies away to give 你 breathing room. God Hand takes that and makes it a full on feature. The better 你 do, 你 will increase in level. What this means, though, is that 你 will face enemies with stronger AI and 更多 moves, and 更多 enemies. Thats right, one of the hardest games on the PS2 gets even harder the better 你 do. But it’s not without its benefits, as 你 can get way 更多 rewards in cash and items 由 doing this. Items that 你 will want for health, increasing your special moves and such. 你 want to fuck with the best of them? Earn it, pussy! And that doesn’t even include the assortment of times it will throw demons at 你 in the middle of a fight. When an enemy goes down, there is always the chance, and a very high chance, they will turn into a demon. They are stronger, faster, and are super ready to kill you. 你 gotta be ready for them, because they will chase 你 down. But beat them and 你 will unlock a free new 移动 from them, 或者 a lot of money. It’s always a good idea to face them. Or, ya know, pop a Roulette 或者 God Hand move.
Now I’ve been saying Roulette a lot. What is that? Well, throughout the game, 你 will collect special moves to use on enemies.You have orbs that start at three, but increase as the game goes on. And yes, even these have strategies to them. Sure, 你 could use Dragon Kick and instant kill one enemy. But why not bunch them all together and kill two 或者 three, 或者 at least do some free damage to another? Why not use Chain Yanker. It’s a weak attack, but it pulls enemies toward you, including bosses, and it stuns them, giving 你 a chance for a free suplex 或者 a free pummell. Even the Ball Buster, a basic 屁股 移动 is really good, as 你 can juggle an enemy as high as an elite enemy 或者 even a boss, combo them until they get angry and break from it, go into Ball Buster into suplex into stomp for major damage. And it even has an 动画片 where it doesn’t work on women. If 你 use Ball Buster on them, it does not work and 你 just wasted a Roulette move. This is a game that puts a lot of attention to detail in the moves and both punishes players that refuse to learn and rewards players that pay attention. Even when the game is ballbusting hard, it is also forgiving with the level of checkpoints it has, even giving 你 a free full heal if 你 die. And speaking of forgiving, when 你 pop the God Hand, 你 get a free set of combos and are invincible throughout. While I think it does mess with the flow, as well as fuck my thumb up, I’ll take it. This game is hard, and when I need to get saved from a beating, this is it. But seriously, with the amount of mashing 你 will be doing in this game, 你 better be ready. Gungrave and Drakengard did not make me mash as hard as God Hand did. This game will put 你 and your thumbs to the ultimate test. And once again, Masafumi Takada is rocking the soundtrack of this game. 你 know him as the guy who does the 音乐 for No 更多 Heroes, Killer7, the Danganronpa games, and does arrangements for 音乐 in Smash Brawl, Wii U, and Ultimate. So yeah, this guy fucks when it comes to a soundtrack. And God Hand? God Hand fucks hard!
But when you're not getting absolutely fucked up in the game, there’s always chill time in between levels. 你 can go to the 商店 to pick up new moves to add to Gene’s arsenal and improve your combo list. 你 can purchase upgrades for your health and God gauge. 你 can practice your new moves on the training dummy, 你 can participate in the fighting arena for big amounts of money. 你 can gamble at the casino with black jack and poker. And 你 can even bet on 奇瓦瓦, 奇瓦瓦州 racing. 你 always wanna bet on Lucky Clover. That dog won’t win all the time, but 你 only lose $1000 and always win 更多 than 你 lose, at least from what I saw when I was playing the game. Also the names of these dogs. Such classic names as Amaterasu, Viewtiful Pup, Mikami’s Head, Chuck’s Beard, 更多 Cowbell, Boom Headshot, Fission Mailed, a Metal Gear Solid reference. Lots of old school memes. Like who here remembers that 更多 cowbell gag from Saturday Night Live, 或者 when Chuck Norris memes were fucking everywhere. But one that really took me 由 surprise was 37 in a Row. That’s a fucking Clerks reference! This game has an abundance of references and influences, even outside of Capcom. It even helped improve upon the taunt system that would later be used in Bayonetta. God Hand may be hated and forgotten 由 critics and even Capcom, but Mikami and Kamiya clearly have a fondness for this game that no one else does.
God Hand is a damn fun time, I really don’t know what 更多 I can say. Throughout the madness, I managed to enjoy it like a kid watching Power Rangers 或者 some shit. I had fun busting my 屁股 trying to learn the combos and mastering the game on Normal mode. I have heard there is a Kick Me mode where 你 wear a Kick Me sign on your back, and if 你 pop your God Hand, it goes away. And I have heard some people have even done it on Hard Mode. I want to point out that I have gotten kicked in the balls so hard that my right testicle inflated and was purple. It was impossible to walk without being in total agony. I tell 你 this graphic tale because I imagine that kind of pain doesn’t even compare to a Kick Me Run on Hard Mode. No fucking thanks. So yeah, God Hand. It’s fucking good. Will it ever come back? I doubt it. This game is too difficult, too cheap, and way too fucking weird for casual audiences to be up for it. This game was doomed to a niche market from 日 one. Devil May Cry only got lucky because it had style and Bayonetta is fondly known because it has class. God Hand is jank and madness. But it’s fucking great. Devil May Cry is a neato old school 餐车, 晚餐, 小餐馆 and Bayonetta is a fine dining establishment. God Hand is the fucking nasty fast 食物 restaurant that 你 keep coming back to because the fries are good. And hey. A bag of fries ain’t nothing to scoff at. This analogy is terrible, but 你 get the point. God Hand is all that.
Award: Hidden Gem. The fact that not a lot 更多 people know of this game is kind of a crime, but hey, that’s the price 你 pay when 你 want to be weird and niche. But a niche find that was super worth it. If 你 are up for the challenge, the insanity, and just the 总体, 整体 fun, go for it.