Play with your food; to add effect, act like it's a special performance for the people at the 下一个 table.
Turn around every thirty-seven 秒 to the people at the 下一个 表 and ask them if your 座位 is too close, if you're talking too loud, etc.
Whenever 你 see someone getting up and leaving, bolt to their 表 and take the tip before the wait-person returns.
Eat REALLY loud; make disgusting noises; slurp EVERY time 你 take a sip of your drink.
Constantly re-adjust the positions of absolutely EVERYTHING at your table; seats, silverware, dishes, the 表 itself; and make sure to make a big production out of it.
Order something on the menu, preferably something very specific, then when it comes, claim it's wrong and 你 ordered something simple. Make a big production about the ineptitude of the help.
If shells are on the menu, order them and take them home. Come in the 下一个 日 and say, "Those shells 你 sold me jammed up my shotgun! I want my money back!"
As soon as someone at a nearby 表 gets up, jump into their 座位 immediately, and claim you've been there the whole night. This is especially great when the others at that 表 are in on it.
Whenever anyone leaves their 座位 at another table, put some particularly messy peice of 食物 on their seat.
Two Words: 食物 Fight.
Poke the person 下一个 to 你 repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother.
This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair 或者 try to turn around, look at the ceiling 或者 pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly.
Tap your fingernails on the 表 top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.)
Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your 座位 whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying.
Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their 食物 back.