These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to 你 as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If 你 are the phone company, I already sent the money. If 你 are my parents, please send money. If 你 are my financial aid institution, 你 didn't lend me enough money. If 你 are my friends, 你 owe me money. If 你 are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now 你 say something.
5. Hi, I'm not 首页 right now, but my answering machine is, so 你 can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If 你 leave a message, I'll call 你 soon. If 你 leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, 你 are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows 或者 a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait 由 your phone until I call 你 back.
13. If 你 are a burglar, then we're probably at 首页 cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't 首页 and it's 安全 to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, 你 have the right to remain silent. Everything 你 say will be recorded and will be used 由 us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to 你 as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If 你 are the phone company, I already sent the money. If 你 are my parents, please send money. If 你 are my financial aid institution, 你 didn't lend me enough money. If 你 are my friends, 你 owe me money. If 你 are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now 你 say something.
5. Hi, I'm not 首页 right now, but my answering machine is, so 你 can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. Hello! If 你 leave a message, I'll call 你 soon. If 你 leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, 你 are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows 或者 a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait 由 your phone until I call 你 back.
13. If 你 are a burglar, then we're probably at 首页 cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't 首页 and it's 安全 to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, 你 have the right to remain silent. Everything 你 say will be recorded and will be used 由 us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
Suppose letters looked backwards, sideways, completely out of place, or reflected, moving or different colors for you.
See captions of pictures^
皇后乐队 Heenim is a member of Fanpop. She's a big 粉丝 of Maruko. She's a writer on a website named Wattpad.
皇后乐队 Heenim is a great friend. She's always been very polite, sweet, and a good person. She knows how to make her 老友记 happier when they're not in that great of a mood. She cares a lot about her 老友记 and she works really hard to help them out.
Her 文章 and Haikus are really good. They have a lot of emotion in them. Her 文章 and Haikus have a special feeling of care and sweetness. It's a treat to read her work. I recommend her 文章 and Haikus.
Thank 你 皇后乐队 Heenim for being a wonderful person, friend, writer, and 潮流粉丝俱乐部 member. It's an honor to be one of your friends.
皇后乐队 Heenim is a great friend. She's always been very polite, sweet, and a good person. She knows how to make her 老友记 happier when they're not in that great of a mood. She cares a lot about her 老友记 and she works really hard to help them out.
Her 文章 and Haikus are really good. They have a lot of emotion in them. Her 文章 and Haikus have a special feeling of care and sweetness. It's a treat to read her work. I recommend her 文章 and Haikus.
Thank 你 皇后乐队 Heenim for being a wonderful person, friend, writer, and 潮流粉丝俱乐部 member. It's an honor to be one of your friends.
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Car Stereotypes
There are many different types of cars for many different types of people. Observe.
Audi
Man: *Driving a black A6 at 80 miles an 小时 down the highway* Get out of the fucking way!!! *Pushes a Cadillac off the road*
Woman: *Crashes into a tree* Maniac!
Man: *Tailgating a Jaguar that is actually going the speed of 55* Come on, don't 你 know what the speed is?! *Honks the horn* Let's go!! *Honks again* I don't have time for this!! *Bumps into the Jaguar, and makes it crash...
