100 Ways to Annoy People
1.Get to know a 老友记 bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" 或者 "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the 蝙蝠侠 theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
12.Surprise old friend's 由 visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
13.Insist on buying airplane tickets for 老友记 to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that 你 didn't really save them any money.
14.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
15.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
16.Set alarms for 随意 times.
17.Learn Morse code, and have conversations with 老友记 in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
18.Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
19.Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
20.Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train 下一个 Thanksgiving.
21.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
22.Publicly investigate just how slowly 你 can make a "croaking" noise.
23.Honk and wave to strangers.
24.Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Safety Orange.
25.Change channels five 分钟 before the end of every show.
26.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27.Wear your pants backwards.
28.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints 由 the cash register.
29.Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
30.Rouse your roommate/spouse from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
31.Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
32.ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
33.dont use any punctuation
34.Buy a large quantity of 橙子, 橙色 traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
35.Pay for your 晚餐 with pennies.
36.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
37.Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
38.Write "X - Buried Treasure" in 随意 spots on roadmaps.
39.Explain to everyone 你 meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
40.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do 你 hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
41.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
42.Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
43.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
44.Demand that everyone address 你 as "Conquistador".
45.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
46.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
47.When 圣诞节 carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, 蝙蝠侠 smells..." until physically restrained.
48.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
49.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
50.Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
51.Finish the 99 bottles of 啤酒 song.
52.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
53.Pretend your 老鼠, 鼠标 is a CB radio, and talk to it.
54.Try playing the William Tell Overture 由 tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
55.Why walk when 你 can drive that half a block?
56.Name your dog "Dog".
57.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
58.Ask people what gender they are.
59.Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what 你 think."
60.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
61.Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
62.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
63.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that 你 don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
64.Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
65.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
66.Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr Rogers theme song.
67.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
68.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
69.Leave your 圣诞节 lights up and lit until September.
70.Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
71.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
72.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
73.Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
74.Wear a lot of cologne.
75.Ask people if 你 may "interface" with them.
76.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
77.Sing along at the opera.
78.Mow your lawn with scissors.
79.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy".
80.Ask the waitress for an extra 座位 for your "imaginary friend".
81.Go to a 诗歌 recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
82.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their 答案 in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
83.Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky 便门, wicket isn't cricket."
84.Stare at static on the tv and claim 你 can see the "magic picture".
85.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
86.Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
87.Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying 更多 any moment.
88.Never make eye contact.
89.Never break eye contact.
90.Signal that a conversation is over 由 clamping your hands over your ears.
91.Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
92.Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
93.Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
94.Shout 随意 numbers while someone is counting.
95.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
96.Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
97.When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (ie. "Hand, will 你 please open the door.")
98.When people ask 你 to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where 你 are going."
99.Wait until 你 get to work to shave.
100.Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
1.Get to know a 老友记 bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" 或者 "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the 蝙蝠侠 theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving weather forecasts in public. Claim to be AMS certified.
12.Surprise old friend's 由 visiting them at 3AM "to discuss old times".
13.Insist on buying airplane tickets for 老友记 to "save them money." Make sure the plane departs at 5AM and the tickets are non-refundable. Point out that 你 didn't really save them any money.
14.Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
15.Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
16.Set alarms for 随意 times.
17.Learn Morse code, and have conversations with 老友记 in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
18.Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
19.Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
20.Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train 下一个 Thanksgiving.
21.Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
22.Publicly investigate just how slowly 你 can make a "croaking" noise.
23.Honk and wave to strangers.
24.Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Safety Orange.
25.Change channels five 分钟 before the end of every show.
26.Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
27.Wear your pants backwards.
28.Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints 由 the cash register.
29.Begin all your sentences with "Oh la la!"
30.Rouse your roommate/spouse from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
31.Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
32.ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
33.dont use any punctuation
34.Buy a large quantity of 橙子, 橙色 traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
35.Pay for your 晚餐 with pennies.
36.Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
37.Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
38.Write "X - Buried Treasure" in 随意 spots on roadmaps.
39.Explain to everyone 你 meet of your Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
40.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do 你 hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
41.Light road flares on a birthday cake.
42.Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
43.Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
44.Demand that everyone address 你 as "Conquistador".
45.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
46.At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
47.When 圣诞节 carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, 蝙蝠侠 smells..." until physically restrained.
48.Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
49.As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
50.Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
51.Finish the 99 bottles of 啤酒 song.
52.Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
53.Pretend your 老鼠, 鼠标 is a CB radio, and talk to it.
54.Try playing the William Tell Overture 由 tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
55.Why walk when 你 can drive that half a block?
56.Name your dog "Dog".
57.Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
58.Ask people what gender they are.
59.Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what 你 think."
60.Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
61.Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
62.Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
63.Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that 你 don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
64.Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
65.Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
66.Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as the Mr Rogers theme song.
67.While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
68.Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
69.Leave your 圣诞节 lights up and lit until September.
70.Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
71.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
72.Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
73.Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
74.Wear a lot of cologne.
75.Ask people if 你 may "interface" with them.
76.Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
77.Sing along at the opera.
78.Mow your lawn with scissors.
79.Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy".
80.Ask the waitress for an extra 座位 for your "imaginary friend".
81.Go to a 诗歌 recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
82.Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their 答案 in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
83.Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky 便门, wicket isn't cricket."
84.Stare at static on the tv and claim 你 can see the "magic picture".
85.Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
86.Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
87.Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying 更多 any moment.
88.Never make eye contact.
89.Never break eye contact.
90.Signal that a conversation is over 由 clamping your hands over your ears.
91.Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
92.Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
93.Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
94.Shout 随意 numbers while someone is counting.
95.Make appointments for the 31st of September.
96.Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
97.When asked to do things, repeat the instructions to the body parts involved. (ie. "Hand, will 你 please open the door.")
98.When people ask 你 to do things, mutter under your breath, "This won't be neccessary where 你 are going."
99.Wait until 你 get to work to shave.
100.Tell small children that they don't look very promising.
M R snakes.
M A no snakes.
O S M R snakes.
CDBDI's?
O S! M R snakes!
AAAAAAAAAA!
-My dad told me this one years and years ago. I'd almost forgotten it until tonight. Here's another one:
Mairzy dotes and dozy dotes and liddlamszy divy.
-The answer: Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
And an old knock-knock joke:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
橙子, 橙色 who?
橙子, 橙色 你 glad I didn't say 香蕉 again?
Hope 你 had fun!
M A no snakes.
O S M R snakes.
CDBDI's?
O S! M R snakes!
AAAAAAAAAA!
-My dad told me this one years and years ago. I'd almost forgotten it until tonight. Here's another one:
Mairzy dotes and dozy dotes and liddlamszy divy.
-The answer: Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
And an old knock-knock joke:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
香蕉 who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
橙子, 橙色 who?
橙子, 橙色 你 glad I didn't say 香蕉 again?
Hope 你 had fun!
It was around 12:30 and I was at the grocery, I was busy getting some apples when a teenage boy goes over to me and hands me a cold bottle of water and a magazine. I thanked him, but apon 阅读 the magazine it was full of lies. It was trying to convert me to Christianity, so before I drank the water, I threw the ice-cold water in his face, dropped the magazine, and 说 "If your so-called "God" exsisted, why didn't he stop me from doing that?" The boy simply replied "Because your denying his love". Right away, I replied "Oh please, If there was a God, I bet 你 he'd rather prefer a good honest Athiest than a preacher on Televison going around lying about his healing powers". He was angered "And how do 你 know who God would prefer?!" If it was even possible at the time, I was calmer than before and answered. "The very same way the bible was made". I smiled warmly as I saw him stomp away with anger.