随意 Article: he 说 she 说

4

posted by karpach_14

He said... I don't know why 你 wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do 你爱情 me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said...Not at all honey, I would 爱情你 no matter who left 你 the money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make 爱情 to 你 in the worst way.

She said...Well, 你 have succeeded.

He said... 你 have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have 你 ever been mistaken for a man?

She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do 你 women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said...Okay, but if 你 get 首页 before I do, leave the hallway light on.

deathding, Tdinoahiscute4 and 2 others like this

E_M_LoVeRFaN ...

Bond_Of_Fury Hahah, I love how sexist both men and women can be... Makes for good laughs! :P

6

Christian 语录 and Atheist quotes: Who won here?

posted by darkkhorn19

Christian quotes...

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God."
- George H.W. 衬套, 布什

"ATHEISTS, AGNOSTICS AND NON BELIEVERS ARE THE TRUE CRIMINALS OF THE WORLD COMMUNITY" - tencommandments.org

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists ... and homosexuals are on top?"
- Pat Robertson

"... atheism is none other than raw depravity - the diabolical principle at work in people who dishonor their parents, murder, lie and commit...

12

A VERY SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP

posted by ShiningsTar542

The story we have for 你 today is one of love, friendship, and how to co-exist.

Salati is a leopard that was adopted 由 the Brooker family in South Africa. The family helps to rehabilitate 动物 that are injured. Salati came to the Brooker family when it was just a cub, and instantly became 老友记 with Tommy, a golden retriever. Tommy was also a 小狗 at the time.

你 would think that a friendship between this unlikely pair would be impossible. But no. The two 动物 connected from the first moment. Now the two 动物 are fully grown and they are still friends. They spend time together running, playing, sleeping, whatever!

They have left behind the stereotype of cat and dog and found friendship instead.

12

Bored in Class, 或者 just want to Laugh Your Heads off?

posted by karpach_13

1)Devise a secret code with your 老友记 then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask 问题 so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s 问题 in slow motion 2)Answer 问题 only with one word
3)Scream 随意 words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” 或者 “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer 问题 in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...

5

Kitty pow wow:How to deal with a cheating boyfriend

posted by meow_girl

Hayley

WARNING:The following 文章 contains,inappropriate materiel and foreign swearing.

*One 日 at lunch*

Kara:Sigh.

Bell:What's the matter Kara?

Kara:Well a 年 ago,I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my so called best friend.Ungrateful bitch.

Johnathan:Well 你 don't have to worry about that here,I doubt anybody here wants Max.

Everybody:What?

Johnathan:Keep playing dumb Max,keep playing dumb.

Mellisa:I hate you.

Bell:Kara,how about I come over to your place and we do uhh...Girl stuff.

James:Yeah,let's do girl stuff.

Kara:Shut up James 你 creepy stalker.

James:W-What?

*Kara pushes James on...

5

The truth about 皮卡丘

posted by deathchick9

Over the many years of pikachu,if 你 look closely 皮卡丘 has been getting thinner and thinner.When it started he was this cute,fat little chunk of Pokemon,but now he's a skinny little freak.Which can only me one thing....Ash has forced him to become bulimic!
*Dramatizations*
____________________________________
Ash:Jeez,Pikachu your so fat!

Pikachu:Pika?

________________________

Ash:Loose some weight 你 fat bastard!

Pikachu:Pika?!
_________________________________________

Ash:No stop eating!Your just gonna get fatter!

*Ash shoves his finger down pikachu's throat to make him vomit his 食物 up.Pikachu...

9

How To Annoy Your Roommate 3!

posted by gossipgirlxoxo

1. Shave one eyebrow.

2. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring 你 food.

3. Spill a lot of 啤酒 on his/her bed. Swim.

4. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If s/he walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.

5. Stare at your roommate for five 分钟 out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

6. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

7. Keep a 仓鼠 as a pet. Buy a blender,...

10

I Feel like Such a Weirdo

posted by thespikedturtle

Ugh...

Everywhere around me at school, I see smoking, fighting, and cursing, I think it's ridiculous. Of course, I don't do any of that, I'm the one 你 may think of as a nerd. Unfortunately, 由 today's standards, "being a nerd" actualy means "doing what's right."

I have musical talents, I can't be humble on that. I'm also pretty smart, I hardly ever study, but I've gotten honor roll all my life. When a lot of people think of me, they think of the talents I have, not my personality. And to me, personality is everything, and I think that's the way it was supposed to be. But all that matters today...

Cleverbot vs. 语录 from my 最喜爱的 show, Part 1

posted by Jeffersonian

User: I didn't know 你 could play Twister all 由 yourself.

Cleverbot: I didn't know 你 could play the cello online either.

User: Cat got your tongue, because there's an extra one here.

Cleverbot: No the dog actually. But close.

User: I for one feel bad for the chicken.

Cleverbot: 你 spelled fear wrong...

User: Would a redhead wear a red blouse? That's a rhetorical question.

Cleverbot: Probably, but he 或者 she wouldn't want to admit it.

User: I don't know, I didn't write it down.

Cleverbot: I'm going to copy and paste it so that 你 can see that 你 di.

User: Too bad it wasn't a learn how to swim patch....

5

Funniest roleplay EVAH!

posted by woowie

Kat: 你 spin my head right 'round, right 'round-
Zapnis: DONCHA WISH YO GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME-
Kat: I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE-
Zapnis: I KISSED A GIRL-
Doofenshmirtz: SHUT UP ALREADY! I'M TRYING TO WORK ON MY TOASTINATOR!
*Zim comes in*
Zim: SURRENDER NOW HUMANS!
Kat: Uhh, Zap and I aren't humans, and 你 know us-
Zim: Shut up, girl!
Gir: AH LIKE TACOS!
*Mermaidman comes in*
Kat: I WANT YO 爱情 AND I WANT YO REVENGE-
Mermaidman: EEEVIL!
*Bloo from Foster's walks in*
Bloo: AH AM PIERRE'S COUSIN! I HAVE ZE EAR ON ZE SAHD OF MAH FECE!
Kat: AH AM PIERRE'S GIRLFRIEND!
All: ◎_◎
Kat: WHAT!?
Doof: Leave now everyone! Kat, 你 stay since 你 live here.
*everyone leaves*
Doof: I'm going back to bed.
Kat: Me too.

4

10 reasons why Alice Cullen is way better then Leah Clearwater!!!

posted by vampirelover101

DO 你 wanna know reasons why Alice Cullen is better then any werewolf out there ( espeshally Leah Clearwater)???? Well read on to see 10 reasons why.............

Oh ya if your a Leah Clearwater 粉丝 then 你 might not wanna read this but if 你 do and it affends 你 then leave a 评论 and i can tell 你 in person why your sooo stupid and ya i worned 你 so..................

TEN REASONS WHY ALICE IS BETTER THEN LEAH!!!

1. Alice is acually nice unlike Leah who made Bella cry for no reason at all ( Breaking Dawn)

2. Leah doesn't care about other people she only cares about herself well Alice does...

10

Instructions For Giving Your Cat A Pill :D !!!

posted by wild-bby

1) Pick up cat and 摇篮 it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. 摇篮 in left arm an repeat process.

3)Retreive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, craddle in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger....

2

My Evil Niece Hailey

posted by werewolflover

Yeah,this is the first 文章 I've written,so it probably won't be good.
O.K I have a 7 年 old niece and she might not seem evil,but trust me she is.If 你 met her you'd think she was a sweet,little angel
Her mom,my sis Heather,got married a few years ago.Well the man she married had 2 kids.Ever since she lived with them,she's been evil.
She tells my mom No
She tells us she hates us.She thinks she's the boss.She hits me and then says I hit her first(i'm old enough to know 你 don't hit when 你 don't get what 你 want)She calls me fat.she can't take a joke and then says im fat and don't "play"because I don't like being outside and hate sports.There's 更多 but I don't really want to write anymore.Tell me what 你 think in 评论 please:)

10

OMG Hannah Monatana OMG!

posted by ihavOTD

I am Anti- Miley because of this:

OH MY GOSH! I was just watching stupid HM and near the end, Miley and Lily started talking about-guess who? ROBERT PATTINSON. That's sick. here is their convo:(at least what though I heard)

" It's just sad that 你 can't find a bf..." Lily says.
" Yeah... Hey, I guess Hannah can 日期 Robert Pattinson!" Miley says
" Oh....Robert Pattinson is SO dreamy...."
Thats sickening Disney. I feel bad for Rob. He can't hide ANYWHERE...
Really, do 你 realize how crazy and gross a lot of 粉丝 are???? Here is a gross 文章 about some crazed fans:

Robert Pattinson Approached 由 “Gross”, “Bleeding”...

6

chapter 3 of the awesome book of nothingness!!

posted by funnyshawna

Chapter 2—Canada . . . eh.
Okay, so this is an 电子邮箱 to my friend who moved to Canada…eh. Her name is Brenna. Eh. I just thought id include it for your benefit. Eh.

“Lahdiedahdiedahdoodoodahdohetehtakwjeorna!
that is my new 最喜爱的 song, just so 你 know. omg ;i wrote 更多 in
my big book of nothingness, but im at school, so i don’t have it with
me:( its cool it deals with begging for money, 松鼠 clothing,
headband helmets, and furry insides! i bet u can’t wait! ha-ha! yay for
the awesome book of nothingness! i put the first part of it on the
internet and ppl thought...

17

21 Ways to say I 爱情你 (In Guy's Point of View)

posted by milorox18

21 Ways to Say I 爱情 You

♥

1. Call her the 下一个 day.

♥

2. Always laugh at her jokes.

♥

3. Tell her (truthfully) that 你 can't wait to see her again.

♥

4. Offer her a backrub, without asking for one in return.

♥

5. Call her just to say 你 were thinking about her.

♥

6. Bring her a teddy 熊 and chicken 汤 when she's sick.

♥

7. Write her a poem.

♥

8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).

♥

9. Bring her 花 for no reason.

♥

10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.

♥

11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring her something sweet.

♥

12. 吻乐队（Kiss） her in the middle...

5

Respectfully Cheating

posted by karpach_14

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

"Betty, I was wondering -- have 你 ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would 你 ask such a 问题 now? 你 don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when 你 were 35 years old and 你 really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give 你 a loan? Remember how one 日 the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no 问题 asked?"

"Oh, Betty, 你 did that for me!...

5

ABC's of ex girlfriends

posted by karpach_14

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for 你你 twit she was only after your money and could have 给 a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when...

1

My Job Sucks

posted by smileypop9

I found this on www.funny.com, and it's kinda hilarious!! Can 你 guess whose and what job it is?

You think your job sucks? Let me tell 你 about the people I work with.
First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair 或者 putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.
The 下一个 chick is exactly the opposite- she might even...

1

The Shaggy 狗 Theme

posted by coolkatstar

I found this on the internet :P

part I
Everybody who has a dog calls it "Rover" 或者 "Boy"; I called mine "Sex". Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I wanted to have a license for Sex. He 说 "I'd like to have one too." Then I 说 "But this is a dog". He 说 he didn't care want she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He 说 I must have been quite a kid.

Then when I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for...

1

Calliope Channel episode 9

posted by invadercalliope

CAALLIIOOPPEE CHHAANNEELL!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's me your host Invader Calliope ^^
Can 你 believe were already on our ninth episode!
TIME SURE FLIES!Welcome to another happy episode of Calliope Channel! Well today were gonna bring another character out! And it's.....Lardnard!
Invader Calliope:SO COME OUT!
Lardnard:Oh *falls*
Invader Calliope:You sound like some nerdy turtle.
Lardnard:Well umm i'm here.
Invader Calliope:FINALLY THINGS ARE PICKING UP AROUND HERE!
Lardnard:Yeah!
Invader Calliope:Yeah.That's how 你 respond.
Lardnard:Umm is there a problem.
Invader Calliope:Ohhh nothing! Oh NO WERE OUTTA TIME BYE ME!
The End!