So let's say you're talking to your 老友记 and gesturing wildly, and because you're not paying attention, 你 manage to honk some part of a passing stranger's anatomy that is traditionally covered 由 underpants; spinning around to apologize, 你 instead topple down a staircase and faceplant into a wedding cake, whereupon 你 realize that your pants are unbuttoned. Would this be
a.) the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to 你 或者
b.) a Tuesday?

Everyone's awkward from time to time, but until now it's been impossible to determine, numerically, just how awkward 你 are.

Well, this Awkwardness Test is as numerical as they get, because it has numbers, and it's hard to mess up, even if 你 are still covered in wedding cake. All 你 need to do is add a point if one of these situations has happened to 你 in the past month.


•You start to tell a joke ("So this 鸭 walks into a library..."). It turns out to be terribly inappropriate. ("Hey, my brother's in the hospital because of ducks!")

•Impossibly, someone 你 have a crush on sits down to say hello to 你 at lunch. 你 have just crammed an entire 杯形饼, 蛋糕 in your mouth.

•Walking down the street, 你 gradually become aware that 你 have no idea how to 摇摆, 秋千 your arms.

•You gleefully shoulder your way into a whispered conversation, expecting it to be about juicy gossip. It is about a dead grandma.

•Nobody is laughing at your hilarious story. 你 panic and keep embellishing until it has killer bees in it.

•You spend far too much time on a text 或者 电子邮箱 exactly flirty and suggestive enough to send to your new SO. 你 promptly mis-send it to your mom.

•You rush around a blind corner and plow directly into someone cute. Sobbing is involved. Someone requires stitches.

•You text someone with the kind of casual joke-insults 你 typically use with close friends. Your message is taken too sincerely.


•Attempting to be fun, 你 grievously wound someone; e.g. your no-look behind-the-back pass breaks your best friend's glasses 或者 face. Add an additional point if your pass misses your friend and ricochets off a baby.

•"Hi, (Firstname!)" some good friend says to you. 你 respond: "Oh, hey, ...uh...." 秒 pass. Oh my goodness, 你 think to yourself. Caitlin? Carl? Captain Crunch? I have absolutely no idea what this person's name is. (Add an additional point if all the possible 答案 collapse
together in your head and come out as something that could not possibly be a name, e.g. "Hi... Clourtleen?")



Tally up your points, one per situation.

0: Impossibly slick. Wow, 你 are the smoothest person we know! AT LYING, PROBABLY.

1-2: Cool and composed. 你 are the equivalent of putting on sunglasses and walking away in slow motion.

3-7: Ordinary. You're no 更多 或者 less awkward than the 下一个 person, assuming the 下一个 person is not Michael Cera.

8-10: Michael Cera. You're awkward enough that it has become endearing. Consider a film career.

11-12: Michael Cera tripping into a waiter carrying tray of pies. 你 are the essence of bumbling awkwardness. Purchase good insurance immediately.

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