Please! I need Feedback!!!

嘿 :)

I got in quite easily and thoroughly enjoyed the bit that I read. Very interesting and different - it would make a great movie!

你 write very descriptively and that's great - one can picture everything in your mind's eye. The story also flows quite nicely apart from perhaps these: Introduction of the new characters is a little vague, and perhaps 你 could describe the bunker/dorm in 更多 detail too just to guide the reader into the new environment. 你 could perhaps also do the same with the area that all were in at the beginning of the story?

A bit of proofreading needs to be done for typos and grammar, but nothing serious. Won't need deepline-editing - just some normal proofreading and editing.

I didn't get to see the end as I'd have to sign up for something and I'm not too keen on doing things like that! :) But - it's really great and 你 should finish it. Definitely!

你 are a very talented writer. And my opinion is an expert opinion. :) I was a journalist and editor of 3 newspapers in my country, and am also a full time writer, 写作 for the global market. I live in South Africa.

Please don't stop writing! The story line is fresh and I'm keen to know what happens 下一个 and how it ends. :) You're 16? Brilliant work for a 16 年 old. Don't stop writing. Ever.
xx