This chapter features Achmed the Dead Terrorist!!!!! yay!
TEXTING, BTW!

Edward: bella, my cat died

Bella: u don't have a cat...unless 你 mean...ALICE??!! alice is dead? omgomgoommmgggggggg

Edward: Noooo!!!!!!!!!

Bella: oh. cuz, like, i'd be all sad and stuff. ya know?

Edward: yes, i would be 2. alice is fine. jk, btw- (BEFORE HE FINISHES TEXTING)

Bella: u haven't texted in a while! alice is dead??!!!!

Edward: i was kidding. my dog died

Bella: meaning...jacob??!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Edward: No!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Bella: oh, jake's texting me. hold on.

Edward: k, love


Jacob: 嘿 bells

Bella: jacob! *virtual hug*

Jacob: okay then. little weird, but i'll take it. *virtual hug back*

Bella: brb, i feel sad again

Jacob: k, edward's texting me...

Bella: ...


Edward: hello, jacob. notice anything wierd about bella 2day

Jacob: yeah, kinda. mood swings and such

Edward: i think it's...uhh..that time of the 月 for her *virtual coughcoughperiodcoughcough*

Jacob: wha--ohh!!! *virtual blush* did i just blush? i thought only bella did that...

Edward: jacob, what do we do??????

Jacob: dude, we can't do anything. i have sisters, i should know

Edward: i have sisters 2

Jacob: sisters that are unchanging, idiot

Edward: obviously

Jacob: whatevs

Edward: i'll text alice. she'll know what 2 do

Jacob: kk.


Edward: HELP!!!!!!

Alice: calm urself, dude. whatta ya want?

Edward: it's bella's time of the month

Alice: OHHH!!!!!!!! LOL! sux 4 u, bro. have fun with ur PMSing GF

Edward: HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice. Ugh, fine. i'll txt her

Edward: k, thanks!!!!! bye

Alice: bye


Alice: 嘿 bellaaaaa

Bella: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Alice: i hear ur PMSing

Bella: where'd ya hear that??!!

Alice: my idiot bro (the one ur dating, not emmett). i think he told the dog, considering i can't c him doing anything

Bella: *virtual blush* ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he told jacob! edward knows! ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: he's very observent, that boy is.

Bella: i am going 2 die of blushing

Alice: even knowing u, that's not possible. hey, jessica is on facebook. she wants 2 know if u like pampers 或者 huggies

Bella: WHAAAAT??!!

Alice: well, which 1?

Bella: huggies, i guess

Alice: they give hugs :)

Bella: stop distracting me, bitch

Alice: Exqueeze me?

Bella: ur mom, dude. ur mom...

Alice: ur insane dude, ur insane

Bella: aww, thank u!

Alice: *gets Keith Urban country drawl* i am a country singer, i 爱情 my old blue jeans! let's drink beeeeeeeeeeeer all night, baby!!!!!

Bella: woah...

Alice: lolz.

Bella: i gtg, jake is txting me.

Alice: k, byez


Jacob: 嘿 bellaaaaa

Bella: hey

Jacob: what duz PMSing feel like?

Bella: jacob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacob: hold on, achmed is texting me and u. some new thing called group text.

Bella: ...achmed?...

Jacob: the dead terrorist.

Bella: OHH, that achmed

Jacob: 嘿 achy

Achmed: I KILL YOU!

Bella: what the fuck?

Jacob: well, bye

Achmed: bye

Bella: hi

________________________________________

I know, I know, horrible horrible horrible

LOL