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A good start to a rough draft?

The apocalypse wasn't caused 由 zombies. Everyone thinks it was. But no. No one actually knows what happened. All we know is something big and hot, like a smaller version of the sun, hit earth, and caused a power plant to fall. The little sun, which we now call the Sunzol, combined with the chemicals in the power plant, which caused a strange reaction. After that, eight pipes were 分裂, 拆分 apart, all combining with different natural resources, which created new blood, and of course, the natural red blood. Now, after this, the blood combined with some live 动物 who somehow survived. Then, the evolution began.

更多 and 更多 humans were being born, being taken care 由 animals. I don't know how it worked, but it did. Now, were living our past apocalypse life, repairing the world. Only one thing.
你 don't know your blood color.

It's true. Once you're ready, you're ready. No age matters. Only the test does. Which 你 take every year, only once, to see if 你 really are ready. I remember my brother, only fifteen, figuring it out. I know it's not something as someone controlling your life, but once 你 find your blood color, you're moved to your category, to live your life freely. Just only with the people of your blood color.

When my brother found out, he couldn't live with our parents anymore, but he can visit anytime he gets the money. The thing is, once 你 find your blood color, you're not allowed to live with other bloods. It's always been a fear that if we are all brought together, a new war will rise, and the apocalypse will once again destroy our world, and we would no longer live, nor reproduce. So we are separated, to live with our own, and not the others.
If 你 are ready when 你 are still attending school, 你 are put into a school with dorms, to be taught and live with other kids the same blood with you. As they king says, it keeps us calmer, and safer. Personally, I don't think so. But I couldn't say that.

Yet.

~

 CrystalNeons posted 一年多以前
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随意 答案

metrolight said:
It's good.
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posted 一年多以前 
Book-Freak said:
It's a good rough draft! I really like the idea and there is a lot of suspense so I'd really like to read on further. The only negative I can see is some of the punctuation: some of the sentences are a little start-stop, so I'd replace some of the full stops with commas, colons (full and semi) and ellipsis.
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posted 一年多以前 
prussiaducky said:
Okay, going tbh, it is a good comcept but the structure is very poor.

Is this for school, 或者 is this a fun project for yourself?

Please send it to najmachan@gmail.com so i can give 你 a peer edit. Only when 你 are confident and done.
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posted 一年多以前 
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