link
^ original song. Thought it would be fun to 编辑 it a bit based on thier personalities.
**edit-forgot to put Kowalski 下一个 to Leo. fixed now.
Aquarius (mort)
There's travel in your future when 你 find yourself tied to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life 由 playing Oku-Land seventeen hours a day

Pisces (Julien)
Try to avoid any Penguins 或者 Otters with the Cootie virus.
你 are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiotic Baboons say.

Aries(Phil and Mason)
The look on your face will be priceless when 你 find that forty year-old 西瓜 in your colon. (phil)
Trade toothbrushes with an albino lemur, then clean up after the elephants.(mason)

Taurus (maurice)
你 will never find true happiness - what 你 gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, sevre the king and stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini (Rico)
Your birthday party will be ruined once again 由 your explosive tendicies
Your 爱情 life will run into trouble when your doll comes to life and runs away

Cancer (private)
The position of Jupiter says 你 should spend the rest of the week beak down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo(Kowalski)
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to Skipper's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored jello, then wash it down with a gallon of 草莓 Quik

Virgo (marlene)
All otters are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when 你 wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today


Libra (Skipper)
*A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much 更多 talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts 下一个 week

Scorpio Officer X
Get ready for an unexpected trip when 你 fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, 你 stupid freak

Sagittarius (the badgers)
YOur cousin is laughing behind your back
(kill her)
Take down all those naked pictures of the lemurs you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn (fred)
The stars say that you're an exciting and intelligent squirrel, but 你 know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave that 树 again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

"That's 你 horoscope for today" belongs to Weird Al. I do not own it.