Tom Foolery was now going to talk about dogs.

Tom: I 爱情 dat dog. I never met him before, but I know I 爱情 'im.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He's gonna be wonderful when I meet dat dog. *Sticks his tongue out, and pants like a dog*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Lots of ponies have lots of doggies. And 你 don't even need to have a dog to know about 'em. Your friend could have a dog. He can be your friend's dog. That makes him your dog friend.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: 你 go there to visit, and the 狗 there, 你 go to pet him, and say Hi hello. How are you? You're wonderful Sneezy, and for that moment, he's your dog. So 你 can have somepony else's dog, 你 go like Hi, wow look at this dog, he likes me. Look at this doggy here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Lots of things to know about them too. Lots of things you'll learn. 你 don't know where always, and 你 can't remember. For instance, can 你 remember that 由 scratching near the front leg, 你 can make one of the back legs 移动 in a circle? *Moves one of his back legs like he's trying to scratch himself*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And 你 can also make it stop! When 你 stop.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks surprised* God damn! I'm in complete control of this dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 can also make their head tilt from across the room just 由 making a funny noise. 你 sound like a deflated tire, and the dog goes. *Tilts his head* Whuuutt?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Oh look honey isn't he CUUUUUUUTE?!?!?!?!? Let's get his head fixed so it stays like that!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: Do 你 ever spell in front of your dog?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Some of them are smart. 你 gotta spell. Honey do we have anymore..B-O-N-E-S? They know the sound of B alone. *Bouncing around the stage* Oh the bone, oh the bone. I can't wait for the bone.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Take it easy, take it easy. Then sooner 或者 later, what's gonna happen with the little dog? Sooner 或者 later, lying around the 床, 床上 he's gonna create an incident. He's gonna make one of 你 turn around, and say, phew.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sniffs the air, then waves his left front arm around while closing his eyes*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cindy did 你 fart? *Makes a farting noise while impersonating a mare* Now I did. *Makes another farting noise*
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: Now I did! *Goes back to his normal voice* Okay, okay, so it wasn't you. And it wasn't me. I know! The dog farted!! Timmy, why did 你 fart?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Look at him, he knows he farted!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I've seen his 屁股 open up!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I happened to be looking 由 chance. But 你 see, 狗 have nothing to do. There's no job 描述 for a dog. They're forced to wait, for something to happen, that they can get in on. If 你 do something, they'll be glad to 加入 you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They'll rarely initiate any activity on their own. They're just waiting. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

A few crowd members laughed while Tom continued to speak.

Tom: Waiting to get in, waiting to get out. Waiting to eat, waiting to crap, waiting to wake up, waiting to sleep, waiting to go upstairs, waiting to go downstairs. Sometimes they're just waiting to wait.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 ever see a dog just standing there? *Sticks his tongue out while looking at the ceiling*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He don't know what he's waiting for! But if it happens, he'll be ready.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just waiting, and waiting.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Waiting for 你 to come home. They don't understand time. 狗 don't know the different between an 小时 and a half, and 下一个 week.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He thinks you're gonna be gone foreva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the only time period 狗 really understand. Foreva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's how long they think everything lasts. That's how long they think everything takes!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Foreva, and eva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 ever scratch your dog behind it's ears? They 爱情 that, they're like oh I 爱情 it. You're scratching your dog behind it's ears, and they're loving every 秒 of it. Then when 你 finally stop! They're like...

Tom looked up at the ceiling, which caused 更多 laughter from his audience.

Tom: They look at 你 like you're a criminal.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: He thought it was gonna go on, and on. Same thing when 你 feed 'em as soon as they're finished, they're like, 嘿 where the fuck's THE FOOD?!?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, cheering, and clapping*
Tom: They thought it was gonna last foreva. They must think we're gonna be gone forever, because why would they act the way they do when we finally get home? *Bouncing quickly* Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy!! Oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I thought 你 were never gonna get home! I waited and waited. I thought 你 were never gonna get home! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know how to operate the can opener!
Crowd: *Laughing, and whistling*
Tom: I didn't know what to do! Oh! *Pants like a dog*

A stallion could be seen closing his eyes while laughing with the other audience members. Others clapped.

Tom: Sometimes you'll forget your hat. Then 你 go back after 8 seconds. *Bouncing quickly* Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy you're home!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I tried chasing a bird! I couldn't find the bird! I mean where the fuck's the bird?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Will 你 stop that?! I was just HERE!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: Dog don't care. He'll do whatever's next. He don't know what's next, but he'll do something. They'll do two things in a row that don't go together.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 ever see a dog walking in a room, and then it stops to chew it's back for 18 minutes?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And then when he's finished chewing, as if it were scheduled for right then of course.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And then when he's finished he doesn't even remember where he was gonna go!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where's he gonna go?! *Walks to the left*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh shit, oh, I think I'm gonna go over here!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh, this is nice over here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I think I'll keep coming over here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then they give 你 that doggy look.

Tom stuck his tongue out once again to impersonate a dog which resulted in 更多 laughter.

Tom: Give 你 them eyes, 你 know they have such...a great expression, sometimes they even look like us ponies.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They say, oh look, he looks almost like 你 Paul.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They look like they know something about your mother!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And not willing to mention it right away.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's that look where they look like they have something they can't quite solve. There's a sad look in their eyes. All the sadness in the world, is right in the eyes of a dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look straight into your dog's eyes, and think of something very sad. And it looks like it's happening to your dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Strangest thing, they look at 你 like that. *Gives the audience a sad face*
Crowd: *Laughing*

In the 下一个 part, Tom will discuss cats.

2 B Continued