Tom went to a nearby 粪便, 凳子 to grab a zip of water.

Crowd: Turn around!
Tom: *Looks at the ponies behind him*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Have I been ignoring your section?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Well I'm sorry. I'll make a note of that in my rulebook of comedy. I usually don't care for following rules 由 the way.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Many of them just seem pointless, and vague. Like the social distance craze that didn't last very long last year. For a good reason.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: First off, what the fuck is so social about it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Hi Jerry. Stay 6 feet away 或者 I'll 冲床 你 in the eye!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And there's thousands of ponies that agree with me on this one. Speed limits.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The Germans know this. That's why on one of their highways called the Autobahn, there is no speed limit.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: A lot of rules in Monopoly piss me off as well.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: One of my 老友记 got accused of cheating 由 robbing the bank, but he 说 he wanted to make it feel 更多 like real life.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But there were many rules that didn't make sense when I was growing up as a little colt.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: We all had to go through this, unless you're that one naughty 9 年 old who 偷了 this program from your parents, 或者 older sibling without their knowledge and are therefore watching this even though 你 shouldn't.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Have to keep everyone alert from time to time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But all of us adults had to go through this procedure during our childhood.

Tom took another quick zip of water, then continued his joke.

Tom: Now not all of these rules were bad, like running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: That was one I always obeyed. What are 你 doing?! I'm not running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Mom didn't want me poking my eye out. My dad always 说 don't stick your head out of the window. He didn't want me getting decapitated while we drove around town in the Jeep.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But many of the rules my parents came up with I thought were bad. The first one was, no 唱歌 at the table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Why? Because I 说 so.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was the first sign of a bad rule. Because I 说 so. So what happened? One pilgrim hundreds of years 以前 ruined it for everyone because his voice constantly cracked?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 你 can still sing while standing near the table. 你 just can't sit there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sings* I'm standing 由 the table. 唱歌 由 the table. I'm not sitting, because I can't sing.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonates the dad* Sit down you!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was your middle name, you.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Tom 你 Foolery. Kinda has a nice ring to it. It would make 更多 sense though if my last name was shortened to fool.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Then whenever I did something that angered my parents they would shout Tom 你 fool!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Sometimes if I did something they considered dangerous they always 说 the same thing over and over again. 你 could have broken your neck!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was always the anticipated outcome, a broken neck. What if I jumped down the stairs, 或者 out of a window?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They never said, 你 could have broken your legs!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It was always a broken neck. What if I was playing with the electrical outlets?
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: That was another stupid rule because your hooves are not small enough to fit inside the outlets. Therefore 你 don't need to worry about getting electrocuted.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But those parents. They always say, don't plug anything into the outlet!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Of course if 你 do break one of their rules, they'll also say go to your room! They make that sound like a bad thing, but that's where all your stuff is.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Go to your room! Thanks mom. I'm gonna play some Nintendo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the one thing that sucks about being a child, 你 have many rules 你 need to follow, and nobody takes 你 seriously since you're smaller than them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But as 你 get older, and taller, 你 have 更多 freedom, a couple of responsibilities, and the only downside to this is the higher risk of being thrown in jail if 你 do anything illegal.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But it gets even better when your age continues to increase, because 你 can start doing things that 你 weren't able to do after 你 passed the age of 5.
Crowd: Oh boy.
Tom: Ahhh.... I can finally shit my pants again.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Most of us don't even wear pants, which makes it even 更多 fun for the others 你 encounter out in public.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And for those of 你 that complain about sleep, you'll be able to take 更多 naps.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'll get a solid 10 hours of pure bliss. Maybe even longer. Another thing 你 can start doing again is forgetting stuff.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: 你 won't have to remember a god damn thing ever again!
Crowd: *Cheering*

2 B Continued