Dear Michael, our dearest Michael, I'm sorry for the way I am. I'm sorry for being so negative. I don't try to be this was, to be frank. I'm doing this because I mean it. I really mean it. I hope you're not disappointed 或者 displeased of me. Believe me, I really don't try to be mean. It's either because of my Asperger syndrome I have (which I consider an illness even though it's not) 或者 that the devil is trying to take over my me. But deep in my soul and 心 I'm NOT evil 或者 cold hearted and I don't want anybody especially 你 thinking that I am cause that's not right. It's just that the fact that you're gone is making so tense ever sense. I'm just in pain right now. Depression and loneliness and emptiness and nothingness inside me and I got nobody to help me out. Michael, I know you're not going to like what I'm about to say and that goes to whomever is 阅读 this too. I am much much 更多 than sorry about the 日 I tried to cu... Well,you know what. I did it for two reasons: 1. I felt like I needed it. I needed something to express how I feel. 2. I wanted to take the pain for whomever is suffering in this world. But no worries. Even though I'm still so lonely and so sad, I'm not an 情绪硬核 anymore. What I did to myself is what emos do to themselves and it's completely wrong ( and painful. Literally).You taught us a lot, Michael. What 爱情 and kindness is all about, how to smile even though I'm sad, I can go on 24/7. I feel like I took all what 你 taught for granted. I even feel like I sinned. If I did I really didn't mean to. I wish there was some way I can make it up to you. But what? I'm thinking about joining the ASPCA thing but I don't know how like 你 do. 你 see, I 爱情 planet earth too. Just like 你 do. I want to help but I need help myself but who would be willing to help me? I feel useless. 你 are the most popular, successful, and nicest and wonderful man that ever set foot on the planet and me...I'm just a sketch artist, a pianist and a beginners contortionist. Michael, even though this world is a mess, 你 still didn't give up on it. 你 had whatever it took to make the world a better place. And 你 nkow what, I say 你 did make it a better place but without 你 now, what do we do? See what I mean? The fact that you're not here anymore is beating me and beating me so hard and I can't fight back....like I 说 before: even though this world is a mess, 你 still had the courage to change that and make us happy and I have faith in 你 for that along with Christ. Thank you, Michael. And once again, I'm so so very sorry. Please forgive me!!!!! :'(