Can 你 see me?

I want someone to love.Someone who I can make my own and is easy to talk to.I'll be their first choice and never their second.They'll play with my hair and twist it between their fingers just like my mom used to when I was little.My wanted someone will hug me tight and cuddle a lot. He will make me laugh when I'm down and be serious if necessary. We will act like little kids just for fun. He'll be romantic for sure. My someone will be at least somewhat cute so even his smile will make me smile. I want someone who appreciates me for me and will still 爱情 me if I do something wrong. It would be nice if he was smart so he could help me out with stuff I can't do 或者 don't understand. I know I sound selfish,but I know for sure I'd be super happy.

Of course since it is a lot to ask for,there is not likely to be a person like that and it is unrealistic and impossible.

(btw i already know the grammar and wording of sentences are bad so please don't complain about them)

Open your eyes to what is going on with me deep down and really understand why i sometimes frown i want 你 to see how i really am inside im tired of trying to cover it up and hide 你 think 你 know me but 你 really dont 你 should but 你 probably wont Open your eyes and see the real me
not the person that 你 want me to be understand that 你 cant make me who im not even though 你 probably want to a lot i dont care what the heck 你 think okay? im gonna find myself and be who i really want to be everyday
Open your eyes and see why im this way its because of everything thats happened to me,that i think about everyday whats done is done but the effects are still here living everyday of my life with some sort of fear why do i not really like people and have issues? because i have been hurt 由 them so many times theyve made me cry and go get tissues

I don't know who I want to be. I just can't decide whether I want to be quiet and mysterious 或者 sociable and cheerful. 你 may think it's an obvious choice, but it's not for me.

I feel like being both, but I feel like it's wrong to be both. everything with me is either one 或者 the other.

On one hand,I feel like pushing people aside.Mostly because they annoy me,but also because I feel better when I'm alone. One the other hand,I feel like talking to everyone with joyfulness.

I feel like the whole world is frowning upon me.

But yet I feel like smiling and that I can do anything without being ashamed. Every time I do this though,it turns to be something to be ashamed about and just wanting to keep my happiness inside and to never 显示 it again.

Feeling like crawling inside a hole.

Feeling sorrow,guilt,embarrassment,happiness,unstoppable,trapped,and furious all at the same time. It's driving me crazy!

These regrets are 更多 like nightmares. And these nightmares never end. Somebody please stop them before I go insane.

Feeling like no one can save me from the depths of my disgrace.

All of my 颜色 have turned gray since the first 日 I felt this way.

I know there's people who 爱情 me and couldn't live without me,but that doesn't change the fact that I want to disappear. Because all I ever do is make mistakes.

Making the wrong 移动 at the wrong time is what I do. For there isn't room for people like me.

I don't want to feel any emotion. Not even 爱情 for I fear there is still a gaping hole inside of me that I can't seem to fill.

Feeling detached from everything is the only way I can put how I really feel. Everything just seems so far out of reach. I want to be one of those people who feel complete but it seems impossible.

I am so weak because the only thing keeping me alive is my fear of pain.