I've heard people say that letting go is hard to do. And it's true. But the 更多 I wandered, the 更多 I felt like I had to close something back there. Damn. There was always something. Oh well. Time to end it. I headed back, passing her grave again. I'll see 你 later sis. And I'll bring some decoration for you. I went back. Damn it all. I had never wanted to come back when I left. 你 just have to close one door to open another I guess. When I got there, it was broad daylight. So I hung around until it was well into the 下一个 morning. 3:00 a.m. No one would be up. I entered, heading down the hall.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking 前锋, 期待 to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was 更多 habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a 分钟 to wear off.”
She stayed still for a 分钟 and I turned the 台, 办公桌 light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have 你 been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do 你 want?”
“Did 你 really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were 你 on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did 你 just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! 你 played with me. I loved 你 Blade and 你 played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me 你 loved me was a game? Were 你 trying to make him jealous 或者 something? Was I just some toy 你 could dispose of when 你 got what 你 wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, 你 used me. 你 used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted 你 happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will 爱情 you. Just don't expect me to be here when 你 two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like 你 going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so 你 know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who 你 fall in 爱情 with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let 你 down. Night kid.”
I go off the 床, 床上 and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt 更多 at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the 花 out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the 花 opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. 火, 消防 was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the 花 或者 smell like fire. The whole 花 smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little 花 helps to clear your 心 and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken 心 can open it anyways. But if 你 want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.