I wrote this about my (now ex) boyfriend, but still felt something about the poem, if not him. I'd 爱情 some criticism on it (hopefully constructive) :).
Treacle dripping from our scars
Pooling on a jagged floor
你 are gone, still I know
From clustered trees and homemade vows
That we are one. And as 你 lead
Your life of promise, graft and need
Know that we are one the same
Intertwined are 心 at name.
你 may notice that only the 秒 verse rhymes, this is an attempt to 显示 the idea of a one-sided relationship in its form in it's one-sided rhyme scheme. This is probably quite stupid- let me know.
Treacle dripping from our scars
Pooling on a jagged floor
你 are gone, still I know
From clustered trees and homemade vows
That we are one. And as 你 lead
Your life of promise, graft and need
Know that we are one the same
Intertwined are 心 at name.
你 may notice that only the 秒 verse rhymes, this is an attempt to 显示 the idea of a one-sided relationship in its form in it's one-sided rhyme scheme. This is probably quite stupid- let me know.