(Walter and Phillip walk into a building carrying the suitcase)
Doorman: Hold it, who are 你 two
Walter: I’m Walter, and this is Phillip. We have a meeting with Ricardo
Doorman: The boss? Alright, go on in
Walter: Thanks (Walks in)
Phillip: (Stops) So, what kind of stuff does Ricardo sell, because my friend’s got this good pot and may be able to do business-
Walter: Phillip! Stop screwing around!
(Walter and Phillip wait in an elevator)
Walter: Now, Phillip, let me do the talking
Phillip: Why?
Walter: Because 你 can’t talk your way out of a problem to save your life. That’s why
Phillip: Please, I bet this guy’s not so bad
(The elevator door opens)
Ricardo: (On the phone) And if I get another late shipment, I will tear your throat out with my teeth! Do 你 understand?! Do 你 understand!? Okay, good. I’ll talk to 你 later, grandma (Hangs up) (Looks at Walter and Phillip) Are 你 the two that wanted to meet me
Walter: Uh, yes. We… we have your money that 你 left us (Hands him the suitcase)
Phillip: We didn’t spend any of it
Ricardo: (Opens the suitcase and looks over it) (Looks up at them) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Water: What’s so funny
Ricardo: 你 two hilarious bastards. Sorry if my men were a bit too rough with 你 guys. I heard 你 说 they wanted the money back and were willing to kill 你 to get it. I’d punish them myself, but they're already dead (Laughs)
(Walter and Phillip nervously laugh)
Ricardo: I gotta say, 你 two are pretty damn good at this robbing stuff. I mean, if 你 hadn’t stolen from the mafia, 你 could have made a fortune
Phillip: We 偷了 from the Mafia!?
Walter: Shut up, Phillip
Ricardo: Oh, 你 two are pretty good. 你 two would make some good members of this organization
Walter: That’s nice of you, but we really don’t want to get involved with serious crimes
Ricardo: I could pay 你 a lot of money
Walter: …. Hold on (Turns around with Phillip) What do 你 think
Phillip: Well, it’s a lot of money
Walter: But do we know the exact amount
Phillip: Not really (Turns around) How much
Ricardo: At least ten grand a job
Phillip: (Turns back) He 说 ten-
Walter: Yeah, I heard. Well, shoot, I have to say, that kind of money may just work out well
Phillip: Yeah. We could be rich before we know it
Walter: (Turns back) Sure. We could do that
Ricardo: Great. Now, are 你 two cops
Walter: No
Ricardo: (Stares at them, then laughs) For a second, I thought I’d have to shoot you. Okay, so, 你 two are officially my employees. First on the agenda, I got a rival drug dealer sitting on a nice pile of cash. Your first job is simple
Walter: Okay. What is it
Ricardo: I want 你 to go to his usual spot, on the corner of 樱桃 St. and Mulberry St.
Walter: Okay
Ricardo: And I want 你 to kill him and bring me a sample of his drugs
Walter: ……. What?
Ricardo: Simple. I want the competition gone… forever. I want 你 to kill him in anyway I can
Walter: Uh… sure. We’ll do it
Phillip: Wait, what?
Ricardo: Excellent. I can’t wait. I look 前锋, 期待 to the obituaries tomorrow (Waves as they head out)
Walter: (Driving car)
Phillip: Walter, I can’t kill a man. What will my mother think?
Walter: I don’t know. I just wanted to get out of there. But we can’t go back on it now. We have to just go through it… somehow
Phillip: Oh god. Oh god. Walter, I’m freaking out. And my mid-morning weed is wearing off. I’m panicking
Walter: Just calm down. Look, there he is (Points at a man in sunglasses and a suit and tie) Quite a fancy looking drug dealer, huh
Phillip: Probably wants to avoid suspicion. That’s what Bishop does
Walter: Let’s just get this over (Puts his hand on the door handle)
Phillip: How will we kill him without a gun
Walter: ……… Oh god. We still don’t have a gun
Phillip: What will we do
Walter: Okay… 你 sneak up behind him while I talk with him, and choke him until he can’t breathe. Okay
Phillip: Okay. I’ll do that (Heads out)
Walter: (Gets out and walks over to the dealer)
Dealer: Hey. Never seen 你 around here before
Walter: Well, I’m kind of an explorer of cocaine. Willing to try different ones
Dealer: Buddy, when 你 try my coke, 你 might as well give up on all coke. Nothing beats it
Walter: Yeah, that’s what I heard
Dealer: Well, what kind do 你 want. I got different brands
Walter: Huh. (Sees Phillip sneak up behind the dealer) What kind do 你 recommend
Dealer: Oh, that’s a tough one. Fairy Blue is a pretty good one, but I also 爱情 金牌 Experience. Named after Prince. 你 ever listen to Prince. Genius man, and looked damn good doing it. No homo (Phillip grabs the Dealers neck)
Dealer: What the hell (Heads-butt Phillip)
Phillip: Ah, I think he broke my nose
Dealer: Man, what the hell (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out his gun)
Phillip: Oh god (Runs in the opposite direction)
Dealer: (Fires gun) Hey, where are 你 going, 婊子, 子 (Chases after Phillip, shooting at him)
Phillip: Oh god, I’m gonna die (Keeps running)
Dealer: (Shoots at Phillip)
Phillip: (Runs across traffic)
Dealer: (Fires gun, causing people to drive through each other) 你 think 你 can choke a dealer, motherfu- (As he crosses the street, he gets his 由 a car, rolls over the top, and falls onto the road)
Driver: (Looks out the rearview member, looking at the Dealer) Oh god. That’s the third one this week (Drives off quickly)
Walter: (Follows after, out of breathe)
Phillip: (Turns around) Walter, where’s the dealer?
Walter: (Points at the dealer, lying on the ground)
Phillip: (Walks over to him)
Walter: (Feels the dealers neck) … He’s dead
Phillip: Really?
Walter: Yeah… Damn. It looks so much worse than in the movies
Phillip: Yeah. And scarier.
Walter: Well, let’s not waste anymore time (Picks up the cocaine and heads out)
Ricardo: (On the phone) For the last time, grandma, if he can’t afford the debt, 你 confiscate his kneecaps. I don’t care if he’s your boyfriend. He may be a 20-year-old lifeguard, but he should have thought about that before he couldn’t afford the steroids. Okay, goodbye. 爱情 你 too (Hangs up)
(Walter and Phillip walk in) Ricardo, here 你 go (Throws the cocaine onto the table)
Ricardo: Huh. Why is it all shiny
Walter: It’s 金牌 Experience
Ricardo: Is that a Prince name
Walter: Yeah
Ricardo: Huh. Good taste in music. I almost feel bad for letting him die. Oh well. Good work boys. Oh, and almost forgot. Payment (Throws a stack of ten thousand dollars on the desk)
Walter: What’s this?
Ricardo: Ten grand
Walter: I thought we both got it
Ricardo: Now, I 说 ten grand. Not ten grand each
Phillip: Come on, Walter. It’s five thousand dollars for each of us. That seems fair-
Walter: Now hold on, we both got shot at. We could have died out there, getting your 金牌 Experience. Surely, nearly dying is worth 更多 than just five grand each
Ricardo: …. (Laughs) I like your style, boy. Here, ten grand for each of you. I look 前锋, 期待 to doing business with 你 again
Walter: Same with you, Ricardo (Heads out) See Phillip. That’s what 你 learn when 你 have a job
Phillip: Yeah, but what about the dead man
Walter; He was killed 由 an accident. There’s no prints on him
Henry: (Looks over the fingerprint analysis)
Officer: (Push a black man into the holding cell)
Andrew: Look, officer. I was just passing by
Officer: That’s what they all say
Henry: What did I tell 你 about attacking the blacks
Officer: …… Don’t use the nightsticks. This isn’t the fifties
Henry: Nevermind. Just let him go. We already have our suspects. There were fingerprints on the victim’s neck (Shows the paper, with Walter and Phillip’s names on it)
Doorman: Hold it, who are 你 two
Walter: I’m Walter, and this is Phillip. We have a meeting with Ricardo
Doorman: The boss? Alright, go on in
Walter: Thanks (Walks in)
Phillip: (Stops) So, what kind of stuff does Ricardo sell, because my friend’s got this good pot and may be able to do business-
Walter: Phillip! Stop screwing around!
(Walter and Phillip wait in an elevator)
Walter: Now, Phillip, let me do the talking
Phillip: Why?
Walter: Because 你 can’t talk your way out of a problem to save your life. That’s why
Phillip: Please, I bet this guy’s not so bad
(The elevator door opens)
Ricardo: (On the phone) And if I get another late shipment, I will tear your throat out with my teeth! Do 你 understand?! Do 你 understand!? Okay, good. I’ll talk to 你 later, grandma (Hangs up) (Looks at Walter and Phillip) Are 你 the two that wanted to meet me
Walter: Uh, yes. We… we have your money that 你 left us (Hands him the suitcase)
Phillip: We didn’t spend any of it
Ricardo: (Opens the suitcase and looks over it) (Looks up at them) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Water: What’s so funny
Ricardo: 你 two hilarious bastards. Sorry if my men were a bit too rough with 你 guys. I heard 你 说 they wanted the money back and were willing to kill 你 to get it. I’d punish them myself, but they're already dead (Laughs)
(Walter and Phillip nervously laugh)
Ricardo: I gotta say, 你 two are pretty damn good at this robbing stuff. I mean, if 你 hadn’t stolen from the mafia, 你 could have made a fortune
Phillip: We 偷了 from the Mafia!?
Walter: Shut up, Phillip
Ricardo: Oh, 你 two are pretty good. 你 two would make some good members of this organization
Walter: That’s nice of you, but we really don’t want to get involved with serious crimes
Ricardo: I could pay 你 a lot of money
Walter: …. Hold on (Turns around with Phillip) What do 你 think
Phillip: Well, it’s a lot of money
Walter: But do we know the exact amount
Phillip: Not really (Turns around) How much
Ricardo: At least ten grand a job
Phillip: (Turns back) He 说 ten-
Walter: Yeah, I heard. Well, shoot, I have to say, that kind of money may just work out well
Phillip: Yeah. We could be rich before we know it
Walter: (Turns back) Sure. We could do that
Ricardo: Great. Now, are 你 two cops
Walter: No
Ricardo: (Stares at them, then laughs) For a second, I thought I’d have to shoot you. Okay, so, 你 two are officially my employees. First on the agenda, I got a rival drug dealer sitting on a nice pile of cash. Your first job is simple
Walter: Okay. What is it
Ricardo: I want 你 to go to his usual spot, on the corner of 樱桃 St. and Mulberry St.
Walter: Okay
Ricardo: And I want 你 to kill him and bring me a sample of his drugs
Walter: ……. What?
Ricardo: Simple. I want the competition gone… forever. I want 你 to kill him in anyway I can
Walter: Uh… sure. We’ll do it
Phillip: Wait, what?
Ricardo: Excellent. I can’t wait. I look 前锋, 期待 to the obituaries tomorrow (Waves as they head out)
Walter: (Driving car)
Phillip: Walter, I can’t kill a man. What will my mother think?
Walter: I don’t know. I just wanted to get out of there. But we can’t go back on it now. We have to just go through it… somehow
Phillip: Oh god. Oh god. Walter, I’m freaking out. And my mid-morning weed is wearing off. I’m panicking
Walter: Just calm down. Look, there he is (Points at a man in sunglasses and a suit and tie) Quite a fancy looking drug dealer, huh
Phillip: Probably wants to avoid suspicion. That’s what Bishop does
Walter: Let’s just get this over (Puts his hand on the door handle)
Phillip: How will we kill him without a gun
Walter: ……… Oh god. We still don’t have a gun
Phillip: What will we do
Walter: Okay… 你 sneak up behind him while I talk with him, and choke him until he can’t breathe. Okay
Phillip: Okay. I’ll do that (Heads out)
Walter: (Gets out and walks over to the dealer)
Dealer: Hey. Never seen 你 around here before
Walter: Well, I’m kind of an explorer of cocaine. Willing to try different ones
Dealer: Buddy, when 你 try my coke, 你 might as well give up on all coke. Nothing beats it
Walter: Yeah, that’s what I heard
Dealer: Well, what kind do 你 want. I got different brands
Walter: Huh. (Sees Phillip sneak up behind the dealer) What kind do 你 recommend
Dealer: Oh, that’s a tough one. Fairy Blue is a pretty good one, but I also 爱情 金牌 Experience. Named after Prince. 你 ever listen to Prince. Genius man, and looked damn good doing it. No homo (Phillip grabs the Dealers neck)
Dealer: What the hell (Heads-butt Phillip)
Phillip: Ah, I think he broke my nose
Dealer: Man, what the hell (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out his gun)
Phillip: Oh god (Runs in the opposite direction)
Dealer: (Fires gun) Hey, where are 你 going, 婊子, 子 (Chases after Phillip, shooting at him)
Phillip: Oh god, I’m gonna die (Keeps running)
Dealer: (Shoots at Phillip)
Phillip: (Runs across traffic)
Dealer: (Fires gun, causing people to drive through each other) 你 think 你 can choke a dealer, motherfu- (As he crosses the street, he gets his 由 a car, rolls over the top, and falls onto the road)
Driver: (Looks out the rearview member, looking at the Dealer) Oh god. That’s the third one this week (Drives off quickly)
Walter: (Follows after, out of breathe)
Phillip: (Turns around) Walter, where’s the dealer?
Walter: (Points at the dealer, lying on the ground)
Phillip: (Walks over to him)
Walter: (Feels the dealers neck) … He’s dead
Phillip: Really?
Walter: Yeah… Damn. It looks so much worse than in the movies
Phillip: Yeah. And scarier.
Walter: Well, let’s not waste anymore time (Picks up the cocaine and heads out)
Ricardo: (On the phone) For the last time, grandma, if he can’t afford the debt, 你 confiscate his kneecaps. I don’t care if he’s your boyfriend. He may be a 20-year-old lifeguard, but he should have thought about that before he couldn’t afford the steroids. Okay, goodbye. 爱情 你 too (Hangs up)
(Walter and Phillip walk in) Ricardo, here 你 go (Throws the cocaine onto the table)
Ricardo: Huh. Why is it all shiny
Walter: It’s 金牌 Experience
Ricardo: Is that a Prince name
Walter: Yeah
Ricardo: Huh. Good taste in music. I almost feel bad for letting him die. Oh well. Good work boys. Oh, and almost forgot. Payment (Throws a stack of ten thousand dollars on the desk)
Walter: What’s this?
Ricardo: Ten grand
Walter: I thought we both got it
Ricardo: Now, I 说 ten grand. Not ten grand each
Phillip: Come on, Walter. It’s five thousand dollars for each of us. That seems fair-
Walter: Now hold on, we both got shot at. We could have died out there, getting your 金牌 Experience. Surely, nearly dying is worth 更多 than just five grand each
Ricardo: …. (Laughs) I like your style, boy. Here, ten grand for each of you. I look 前锋, 期待 to doing business with 你 again
Walter: Same with you, Ricardo (Heads out) See Phillip. That’s what 你 learn when 你 have a job
Phillip: Yeah, but what about the dead man
Walter; He was killed 由 an accident. There’s no prints on him
Henry: (Looks over the fingerprint analysis)
Officer: (Push a black man into the holding cell)
Andrew: Look, officer. I was just passing by
Officer: That’s what they all say
Henry: What did I tell 你 about attacking the blacks
Officer: …… Don’t use the nightsticks. This isn’t the fifties
Henry: Nevermind. Just let him go. We already have our suspects. There were fingerprints on the victim’s neck (Shows the paper, with Walter and Phillip’s names on it)