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诗歌 问题

Is anyone here who have interest in "Haiku"....

Because, i wanna write Haiku.. .
.
and i wrote it,
Need your 建议 ..
About haiku i wrote!
Here:
A lady
And love
Rainy
.
Dusk a
lady lad
man in
.
I want your advice.. .

 K_lleH-Hell_k posted 一年多以前
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诗歌 答案

SRitchieable said:
The trick to haiku is: The haiku has to make sense as a 'sentence' as well as meeting the vowel-count requirement.

A traditional Japanese haiku goes:
Girls planting paddy [ie 白饭, 大米 fields]
Only their song
Free of mud.

As a sentence this reads "Girls planting paddy [have] only their song free of [the] mud [ie the mud of the 白饭, 大米 paddy]." Which makes sense in its own right - if 你 think it through.

I think the art form has to be considered as one would consider (say) a Japanese paper lantern 或者 paper screen. One can see what a hakiu is talking about - ie 白饭, 大米 paddy planting, 爱情 etc - but one sees it as though one were looking at the subject through a fine (rice) paper screen. It 'simplifies' the scene (how much can one see through rice/tissue paper?) but at the same time this 'simplification' gives one a new way of perceiving the subject.

So - "A lady/ And love/ Rainy" could be tinkered somewhat. It depends what 你 want to say. Is a lady in 爱情 like the rain 或者 a rainy day? Is 爱情 like rain? If so, how? That's what a haiku tries to capture/communicate. Perhaps:
Rain falls on
A lady; it
Is like love.

或者 whatever it is 你 TRULY want to say.


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 The trick to haiku is: The haiku has to make sense as a 'sentence' as well as meeting the vowel-count requirement. A traditional Japanese haiku goes: Girls planting paddy [ie 白饭, 大米 fields] Only their song Free of mud. As a sentence this reads "Girls planting paddy [have] only their song free of [the] mud [ie the mud of the 白饭, 大米 paddy]." Which makes sense in its own right - if 你 think it through. I think the art form has to be considered as one would consider (say) a Japanese paper lantern 或者 paper screen. One can see what a hakiu is talking about - ie 白饭, 大米 paddy planting, 爱情 etc - but one sees it as though one were looking at the subject through a fine (rice) paper screen. It 'simplifies' the scene (how much can one see through rice/tissue paper?) but at the same time this 'simplification' gives one a new way of perceiving the subject. So - "A lady/ And love/ Rainy" could be tinkered somewhat. It depends what 你 want to say. Is a lady in 爱情 like the rain 或者 a rainy day? Is 爱情 like rain? If so, how? That's what a haiku tries to capture/communicate. Perhaps: Rain falls on A lady; it Is like love. 或者 whatever it is 你 TRULY want to say.
posted 一年多以前 
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Thank You!!
K_lleH-Hell_k posted 一年多以前
RiderOfTempest said:
i always thought that haiku had to have 5 letters in the 1st line, seven in the 2nd, and 5 again in the 3rd.....
then again, i've never studied it properly....

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posted 一年多以前 
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Lol, :D
K_lleH-Hell_k posted 一年多以前
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actually its five syllables not letters
RiverIce posted 一年多以前
Jace123 said:
I like Haiku its preety nice!
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posted 一年多以前 
RiverIce said:
I always thought that Haiku was like
1st line: 5 syllables
2nd line: 7
1st line: 5
like:

The 花 I pick
They dance with colors, like me
The 颜色 never fade

or

爱情 is a Boulder
你 can study it nicely
或者 let the rock fall

i like the 2nd one
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 I always thought that Haiku was like 1st line: 5 syllables 2nd line: 7 1st line: 5 like: The 花 I pick They dance with colors, like me The 颜色 never fade 或者 爱情 is a Boulder 你 can study it nicely 或者 let the rock fall i like the 2nd one
posted 一年多以前 
audrey34-z said:
A haiku is a short,timed 诗歌 that expression throught a 5-7-5 syllabes.
你 have to expell your image that is ephemer.Meaning it doesn't stay too long.

日本 origin, they have to compress their sensation,season into small line. The best option is figure of style,compar it to another object,material 或者 double sense.

Your's is dry,only 4 syllabes to each vers (Tetrasyllabe) and not so expressif.The text give 你 an illusion of being an haiku since the 2nd one is long to others snce 你 can do a 7 syllabes one.
But it doesn't mean that 你 have to stop, the road to a better haiku is long and expression and idea clasing will make 你 a better writter.
The road may be long but 你 can do it.
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posted 一年多以前 
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