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lmao! Just got this 5 分钟 ago. Enjoy!

God works in mysterious ways

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be 老友记 and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes,...

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" 或者 "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He 说 he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me...

1.Give away something other then 糖果 (etc toothpicks, golfballs , bags of sand)

2.Wait behind the door untill some people come. When they get near the door jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell "Trick 或者 Treat", look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

3. Fill a 公文包 with marbles and crackers. Write on it "TOP SECRET" in big letters. When trick 或者 treaters come look around suspiciously and say " its about time 你 got here" give them the 公文包 and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick 或者 treaters come to your...