Right. I’m sorry to do this but I’ve been left with no other options seeing as Cook and JJ claim to remember less than I do about last night. This is an appeal. To the lady... Now Cook says that 你 were ginger but he also told me that 你 were 52 and he’d necked a load of acid so... Any way as I said, I’m really sorry about not being able to quite remember your face but I’m sure it was very beautiful...

We were at the Hot Sundee 船, 小船 Party and I remember we jumped into the water, as I now have a killer fucking cold and my trainers smell like (as Cook so eloquently put it) a 《美人鱼》 downstairs surprise. Then it gets a bit hazy but I remember we got out of the water and I lent 你 my cardigan. We must of got a kebab after that as I have Chili sauce down my T-shirt and JJ is farting like a bulldog, which he only does after a humus and pita. Anyway after the kebab I don’t remember very much. Again, sorry, but a bottle of vodka, six sambooka’s and a couple of pills really does fuck with a man’s memory. I woke up in all my clothes (apart from the cardigan) and a miniature cowboy hat which Cook claims I got when I made 爱情 to a 鼬, 雪貂 dressed as Clint Eastwood (that Acid was strong).

So if 你 were the girl I really need that 羊毛衣, 羊毛衫 back, cos, well it wasn’t mine. It belonged to a friend of mine. 更多 than a friend. She left it at… Well I just really need it back. So if 你 were that girl could 你 please message me and let me know.

Sorry again.

F

P.S. JJ says one of your 老友记 gave him their number but it doesn’t seem to be working. He thinks she must have messed it up 由 accident (I know) so could 你 send that along with the cardigan...