Ok then! I felt that I should make one of these articles, so I can PROPERLY introduce myself. Plus, I want 你 guys to know a little 更多 about me! (Maybe even 更多 than 你 wanted to know)
It ALL began in Mexico City, Mexico on May 21 1998. This is when my parents, Lisa and Guy, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy...ME :) My true name is Felipe Carvika...I'm still not sure if I want to share my middle name :p
Fast 前锋, 期待 a few years: we all 移动 up to Detroit, Michigan. (No, we were not illegal immigrants....as far as 你 know). Coming along with us are my two sisters: Grace (now age 17) and Maddie (now age 13). Currently, I have a very adorable miniature 雪纳瑞, schnauzer, 雪纳瑞犬 named Bailey :) she's about 5 years old now.
So, I spent most of my childhood in Detroit. My family was quite religious...very strictly Catholic. My childhood was pretty much LIVED at my church. A little about my ethnicity: there has been a lot of intermarriage in my family. I'm an interesting mix of Hispanic, Eastern European, and Arab. A lot of my relatives came from 欧洲 and the Middle East and settled in Mexico. I consider myself Mexican, but I'm in touch with the other cultures in my life. And there are a LOT: most of my extended family doesn't speak English, and they're of many religions: Muslim, Christian, Jewish, atheist, Buddhist, either 由 birth 或者 由 choice.
So back to my childhood: I was very imaginative as a kid. I spent a lot of my time alone, either drawing, 或者 日 dreaming, 或者 eating. But I never gained weight...even today I'm as thin as a rail. Don't get me wrong, I had friends! But they were never a large part of my life. A lot of the 老友记 I did make preferred to spend time with my sisters, who were 更多 outgoing and rambunctious than I was. So....I ended up pretty lonely. So I kept myself company 由 making up characters!
(Embarrassing story: I kept a diary when I was little, and on one page, I made a 列表 of my "friends." I ended up making up most of the names in my head, so I would feel better about myself. And when I got a 脸谱 in my early teens, I made fake accounts so it would look like I had 更多 friends...pathetic right?)
Of course, everyone has a sad bullying story. And I have PLENTY. I was often picked on because of my high voice (which is slightly deeper now), my glasses, my body, 或者 that I wasn't "masculine" enough. (Hence my hatred of gender norms). I was literally the ONLY boy in my classes who didn't like sports, 或者 video games. I cried myself to sleep multiple times because I couldn't "fit in." Naturally, I ended up with a lot of female friends. And I'm still that way today. Let's face it, girls are usually a lot 更多 accepting and compassionate than boys. EXCEPT these mean 流行的 girls who threw 食物 at me in middle school. >.>
But hey, my childhood wasn't totally miserable! I took pride in my artwork, and expressing my creativity. I won a few art and creative 写作 contests. I wasn't afraid to share my stories with the class! I wish it was the same way now, but unfortunately, I'm in high school. I would probably be pelted with tomatoes if I did that
Anyways, when I was about 8, my family and I left Detroit because of the poor economy. So we moved down to Raleigh, North Carolina. And that is where I live CURRENTLY.
Elementary school was quite uneventful. I was picked on a lot, but I was also the class clown! That was my way of sort of coping with things. I always had a "comment" to make :) most of the teachers knew I was a troublemaker. And this was one of the few times in my life where I had a lot of guy friends. We sort of just walked around the playground causing mischief. Of course, I have 迷失 touch with every single one of them. But I think they thought I was a dork anyways.
Wow, this is really long O.o most of 你 guys have probably tuned out 由 now....but I'm gonna keep on TALKING. BECAUSE I AM GORGEOUS *hair flip*
My 4th grade teacher, Ms. Coltrane, was a huge inspiration. She inspired me to be creative, and to put my ideas on paper. I 爱情 her so so much, and I worry about her. (She's quite overweight, and is becoming 更多 and 更多 immobile each day). I head back to the school to help her out whenever I'm on break. And she's so SWEET. She has this gentle southern drawl and....aww she's a sweet old woman. :)
Middle school was kind of a dark time for me. It was for everyone though, right? This is when SO many things about me began changing. Well, not changing....just...they revealed themselves. And this wasn't always a good thing. I became even 更多 awkward (ugh) and I 迷失 all of my 老友记 from elementary school. I had a close 圈, 圈子 of 老友记 in 7th grade.....of course, I don't talk to them anymore. And THREE of them live in my neighborhood! Curse my social anxiety
In 8th grade, I had a very major realization about myself. I always knew I was different, from the 日 I chose to play with Barbies instead of play football. >.> but this time, it wasn't just an observation. It was a FEELING. I had the 问题 every teenage boy is terrified of.. Am I GAY?
The words played over and over in my head: sinful. Wrong. Immoral. Disgusting. Unnatural. DONT BE GAY. I was terrified. Luckily, 由 this time, I didn't go to catholic church anymore. There was no church leader to fuel my hatred. But the damage was already done...I believed who I was...was disgusting. So, like many other closeted gay teens, I lived a double life. I pretended to be straight, while I still flirted with guys online. But I still hated myself. And wow...THIS alone is the reason I 爱情 Frozen, Elsa in particular. Her character speaks to me, and I think 你 all can see why. She is so repressed, and conceals her emotions. That's exactly how I felt...and I began to hate myself. But I was falling in 爱情 with one of my friends, Reggie :) so....LOTS OF EMOTIONAL TURMOIL HERE.
Now, I'm going to leave all the romance out of this....but I'll just say, he made me so happy. My 心 skipped a beat whenever I saw his name pop up on my phone. It was definitely LOVE. AHHHHH!!!! I get 蝴蝶 in my stomach just thinking about it :) but I was still ashamed...so I pushed Reggie away. And now when I try to talk to him, he does the same. My 心 breaks every day, because is missed my chance
But ANYWAYS....I became very depressed later that 年 (2012). I'm guessing you've heard stories about closeted gay teens, and usually it doesn't end well. I was on the brink of killing myself. I had told some of my 老友记 about my sexuality, and even my mom. But i still felt like a huge failure. A disappointment. This made me feel worse and worse and worse. I was sinking further....and further....down down down down down into a deep, dark, ABYSS. My thoughts became gruesome, morbid, and malicious. I turned my back on my friends, and they did the same to me. I was tired of my double life, and I was tired of the shame. I started talking to men who lived far away, and sometimes, much older men. I was taking very dangerous risks I didn't used to take. Things I used to enjoy, like drawing, didn't matter to me anymore. This was a very NEGATIVE point in my life, and I'm still recovering from it right now.
My anxiety made it worse. I was convinced everyone hated me. Whenever a friend simply poked fun at me, I instantly took it to heart. I would feel awful for the rest of the day. I can be very sensitive to criticism..,I always have. When I'm just having a conversation with someone, my feelings can be hurt 由 the tiniest thing. I was totally consumed 由 my thoughts. Like Elsa, I was my own worst enemy. I barely left my house....I sometimes talked to my 老友记 at school, but I never saw them in public. I'm still the same way now...maybe that's why I can't keep any of my 老友记 :p when I simply went to the grocery store, it took me hours to get ready. I had to look PERFECT. At school, I would always judge myself in the mirror. I would sometimes miss my classes, because I spent so much time fixing my appearance. My face would get all hot, and I would start crying. Because I felt hideous, inside and out.
Wow....sorry I'm sounding so dramatic o.o
And a lot has happened since 2012. I made a best friend....who I don't talk to anymore :/ but I also met a boy! And I actually held his hand! It felt so right...I felt lighting buzzing through my body. ZAP!! I felt all jittery!!! Unfortunately, his parents sent him to a "conversion camp." Then he began comparing me to Satan, and 说 my "demonic ways" were harmful. So yeah...fuck him. Oh yeah, and I also wrote a suicide letter...but I couldn't go through with it. I broke down and I told my parents how I had been feeling (about my depression and all). My Dad learned I was gay..but that is a WHOLE other story. Let's just say, he's working on accepting it. But I know he's really disappointed.
你 might be happy to hear....I've been seeing a lot of therapists lately! And I've been taking my medicine, which helps balance out my mood. So I'm a LITTLE less psycho now :) I go to a support group, where I've made some good friends, who accept me just the way I am. Of course, school is still miserable. I can't wait to be done with it. And I don't usually do my homework, and I cheat on most of my tests and quizzes. So yes, I'm still improving. But that's what life is all about!!! I'm learning 更多 and 更多 about myself everyday. I am so excited for my future :) and the future I'll share with others!
Ok, thank god that's done....my fingers are totally numb from all the typing. Now I'm going to include a little basic information about me that might come in handy :)
Politics: I would say I'm quite liberal. Those of 你 not in the US....I'm very LEFT leaning. I support gay rights, birth control, diplomacy (I'm against war), 大麻 legalization, paid maternity leave, WOMEN's RIGHTS (my mom inspired me a lot)...I'm all for a very compassionate, empathetic society. So basically the opposite of America :) i am a big activist for all kinds of things. I started a club at my school to fight bullying, it's called Common ground. They wouldn't let me make a GSA
Physical appearance: I am quite tall and lanky. I think I'm about 6'0. My eyes are hazel/brown (they change colors). My hair is dirty blonde, but it's becoming brown 更多 and 更多 each day. I really want to dye it..but my parents say NO. I'm kind of pale for a Latino...but I'm not like WHITE. I can still get a tan if I want to.
Hairstyle: I have a buzz cut. My therapist advised it, because my hair consumed a lot of time and energy (I used to have one of those "scene" cuts, with the bangs covering one eye)
音乐 taste: I 爱情 a lot of stuff! Pretty much everything EXCEPT country and rap. Of course I 爱情 迪士尼 :) I also like a lot of pop punk bands. And some screamo
Religion: I was baptized as a Catholic, but now I'm 更多 of a spiritual person. I don't believe in organized religion, all it does is cause conflict! I believe in an afterlife, and all of our spirits got somewhere :) being a 迪士尼 fan...I believe in magic as well :)
Clothing: I 商店 at American Eagle, GAP, H&M, Hot Topic, and PacSun. I 爱情 urban outfitters...but it's insanely expensive -.-
Personality: awkward, uncomfortable, random, weird, zany, unusual, impulsive, neurotic, obsessive, strange, quiet, withdrawn, imaginative, creative
Hobbies: drawing, writing, dreaming, eating, sleeping, swimming, walking, running, talking, cuddling :)
AHHHHH!!!! Ok that's enough information for now. Anything else 你 want to know, 或者 any 评论 你 might have, PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me! If 你 think it might be private, just 收件箱 me :)
It ALL began in Mexico City, Mexico on May 21 1998. This is when my parents, Lisa and Guy, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy...ME :) My true name is Felipe Carvika...I'm still not sure if I want to share my middle name :p
Fast 前锋, 期待 a few years: we all 移动 up to Detroit, Michigan. (No, we were not illegal immigrants....as far as 你 know). Coming along with us are my two sisters: Grace (now age 17) and Maddie (now age 13). Currently, I have a very adorable miniature 雪纳瑞, schnauzer, 雪纳瑞犬 named Bailey :) she's about 5 years old now.
So, I spent most of my childhood in Detroit. My family was quite religious...very strictly Catholic. My childhood was pretty much LIVED at my church. A little about my ethnicity: there has been a lot of intermarriage in my family. I'm an interesting mix of Hispanic, Eastern European, and Arab. A lot of my relatives came from 欧洲 and the Middle East and settled in Mexico. I consider myself Mexican, but I'm in touch with the other cultures in my life. And there are a LOT: most of my extended family doesn't speak English, and they're of many religions: Muslim, Christian, Jewish, atheist, Buddhist, either 由 birth 或者 由 choice.
So back to my childhood: I was very imaginative as a kid. I spent a lot of my time alone, either drawing, 或者 日 dreaming, 或者 eating. But I never gained weight...even today I'm as thin as a rail. Don't get me wrong, I had friends! But they were never a large part of my life. A lot of the 老友记 I did make preferred to spend time with my sisters, who were 更多 outgoing and rambunctious than I was. So....I ended up pretty lonely. So I kept myself company 由 making up characters!
(Embarrassing story: I kept a diary when I was little, and on one page, I made a 列表 of my "friends." I ended up making up most of the names in my head, so I would feel better about myself. And when I got a 脸谱 in my early teens, I made fake accounts so it would look like I had 更多 friends...pathetic right?)
Of course, everyone has a sad bullying story. And I have PLENTY. I was often picked on because of my high voice (which is slightly deeper now), my glasses, my body, 或者 that I wasn't "masculine" enough. (Hence my hatred of gender norms). I was literally the ONLY boy in my classes who didn't like sports, 或者 video games. I cried myself to sleep multiple times because I couldn't "fit in." Naturally, I ended up with a lot of female friends. And I'm still that way today. Let's face it, girls are usually a lot 更多 accepting and compassionate than boys. EXCEPT these mean 流行的 girls who threw 食物 at me in middle school. >.>
But hey, my childhood wasn't totally miserable! I took pride in my artwork, and expressing my creativity. I won a few art and creative 写作 contests. I wasn't afraid to share my stories with the class! I wish it was the same way now, but unfortunately, I'm in high school. I would probably be pelted with tomatoes if I did that
Anyways, when I was about 8, my family and I left Detroit because of the poor economy. So we moved down to Raleigh, North Carolina. And that is where I live CURRENTLY.
Elementary school was quite uneventful. I was picked on a lot, but I was also the class clown! That was my way of sort of coping with things. I always had a "comment" to make :) most of the teachers knew I was a troublemaker. And this was one of the few times in my life where I had a lot of guy friends. We sort of just walked around the playground causing mischief. Of course, I have 迷失 touch with every single one of them. But I think they thought I was a dork anyways.
Wow, this is really long O.o most of 你 guys have probably tuned out 由 now....but I'm gonna keep on TALKING. BECAUSE I AM GORGEOUS *hair flip*
My 4th grade teacher, Ms. Coltrane, was a huge inspiration. She inspired me to be creative, and to put my ideas on paper. I 爱情 her so so much, and I worry about her. (She's quite overweight, and is becoming 更多 and 更多 immobile each day). I head back to the school to help her out whenever I'm on break. And she's so SWEET. She has this gentle southern drawl and....aww she's a sweet old woman. :)
Middle school was kind of a dark time for me. It was for everyone though, right? This is when SO many things about me began changing. Well, not changing....just...they revealed themselves. And this wasn't always a good thing. I became even 更多 awkward (ugh) and I 迷失 all of my 老友记 from elementary school. I had a close 圈, 圈子 of 老友记 in 7th grade.....of course, I don't talk to them anymore. And THREE of them live in my neighborhood! Curse my social anxiety
In 8th grade, I had a very major realization about myself. I always knew I was different, from the 日 I chose to play with Barbies instead of play football. >.> but this time, it wasn't just an observation. It was a FEELING. I had the 问题 every teenage boy is terrified of.. Am I GAY?
The words played over and over in my head: sinful. Wrong. Immoral. Disgusting. Unnatural. DONT BE GAY. I was terrified. Luckily, 由 this time, I didn't go to catholic church anymore. There was no church leader to fuel my hatred. But the damage was already done...I believed who I was...was disgusting. So, like many other closeted gay teens, I lived a double life. I pretended to be straight, while I still flirted with guys online. But I still hated myself. And wow...THIS alone is the reason I 爱情 Frozen, Elsa in particular. Her character speaks to me, and I think 你 all can see why. She is so repressed, and conceals her emotions. That's exactly how I felt...and I began to hate myself. But I was falling in 爱情 with one of my friends, Reggie :) so....LOTS OF EMOTIONAL TURMOIL HERE.
Now, I'm going to leave all the romance out of this....but I'll just say, he made me so happy. My 心 skipped a beat whenever I saw his name pop up on my phone. It was definitely LOVE. AHHHHH!!!! I get 蝴蝶 in my stomach just thinking about it :) but I was still ashamed...so I pushed Reggie away. And now when I try to talk to him, he does the same. My 心 breaks every day, because is missed my chance
But ANYWAYS....I became very depressed later that 年 (2012). I'm guessing you've heard stories about closeted gay teens, and usually it doesn't end well. I was on the brink of killing myself. I had told some of my 老友记 about my sexuality, and even my mom. But i still felt like a huge failure. A disappointment. This made me feel worse and worse and worse. I was sinking further....and further....down down down down down into a deep, dark, ABYSS. My thoughts became gruesome, morbid, and malicious. I turned my back on my friends, and they did the same to me. I was tired of my double life, and I was tired of the shame. I started talking to men who lived far away, and sometimes, much older men. I was taking very dangerous risks I didn't used to take. Things I used to enjoy, like drawing, didn't matter to me anymore. This was a very NEGATIVE point in my life, and I'm still recovering from it right now.
My anxiety made it worse. I was convinced everyone hated me. Whenever a friend simply poked fun at me, I instantly took it to heart. I would feel awful for the rest of the day. I can be very sensitive to criticism..,I always have. When I'm just having a conversation with someone, my feelings can be hurt 由 the tiniest thing. I was totally consumed 由 my thoughts. Like Elsa, I was my own worst enemy. I barely left my house....I sometimes talked to my 老友记 at school, but I never saw them in public. I'm still the same way now...maybe that's why I can't keep any of my 老友记 :p when I simply went to the grocery store, it took me hours to get ready. I had to look PERFECT. At school, I would always judge myself in the mirror. I would sometimes miss my classes, because I spent so much time fixing my appearance. My face would get all hot, and I would start crying. Because I felt hideous, inside and out.
Wow....sorry I'm sounding so dramatic o.o
And a lot has happened since 2012. I made a best friend....who I don't talk to anymore :/ but I also met a boy! And I actually held his hand! It felt so right...I felt lighting buzzing through my body. ZAP!! I felt all jittery!!! Unfortunately, his parents sent him to a "conversion camp." Then he began comparing me to Satan, and 说 my "demonic ways" were harmful. So yeah...fuck him. Oh yeah, and I also wrote a suicide letter...but I couldn't go through with it. I broke down and I told my parents how I had been feeling (about my depression and all). My Dad learned I was gay..but that is a WHOLE other story. Let's just say, he's working on accepting it. But I know he's really disappointed.
你 might be happy to hear....I've been seeing a lot of therapists lately! And I've been taking my medicine, which helps balance out my mood. So I'm a LITTLE less psycho now :) I go to a support group, where I've made some good friends, who accept me just the way I am. Of course, school is still miserable. I can't wait to be done with it. And I don't usually do my homework, and I cheat on most of my tests and quizzes. So yes, I'm still improving. But that's what life is all about!!! I'm learning 更多 and 更多 about myself everyday. I am so excited for my future :) and the future I'll share with others!
Ok, thank god that's done....my fingers are totally numb from all the typing. Now I'm going to include a little basic information about me that might come in handy :)
Politics: I would say I'm quite liberal. Those of 你 not in the US....I'm very LEFT leaning. I support gay rights, birth control, diplomacy (I'm against war), 大麻 legalization, paid maternity leave, WOMEN's RIGHTS (my mom inspired me a lot)...I'm all for a very compassionate, empathetic society. So basically the opposite of America :) i am a big activist for all kinds of things. I started a club at my school to fight bullying, it's called Common ground. They wouldn't let me make a GSA
Physical appearance: I am quite tall and lanky. I think I'm about 6'0. My eyes are hazel/brown (they change colors). My hair is dirty blonde, but it's becoming brown 更多 and 更多 each day. I really want to dye it..but my parents say NO. I'm kind of pale for a Latino...but I'm not like WHITE. I can still get a tan if I want to.
Hairstyle: I have a buzz cut. My therapist advised it, because my hair consumed a lot of time and energy (I used to have one of those "scene" cuts, with the bangs covering one eye)
音乐 taste: I 爱情 a lot of stuff! Pretty much everything EXCEPT country and rap. Of course I 爱情 迪士尼 :) I also like a lot of pop punk bands. And some screamo
Religion: I was baptized as a Catholic, but now I'm 更多 of a spiritual person. I don't believe in organized religion, all it does is cause conflict! I believe in an afterlife, and all of our spirits got somewhere :) being a 迪士尼 fan...I believe in magic as well :)
Clothing: I 商店 at American Eagle, GAP, H&M, Hot Topic, and PacSun. I 爱情 urban outfitters...but it's insanely expensive -.-
Personality: awkward, uncomfortable, random, weird, zany, unusual, impulsive, neurotic, obsessive, strange, quiet, withdrawn, imaginative, creative
Hobbies: drawing, writing, dreaming, eating, sleeping, swimming, walking, running, talking, cuddling :)
AHHHHH!!!! Ok that's enough information for now. Anything else 你 want to know, 或者 any 评论 你 might have, PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me! If 你 think it might be private, just 收件箱 me :)