BEST OF ANDERSON:

Anderson: Please support the official release, 你 protestant fuckbucket.

Alucard: Well. Now that's over with. Let's go back to my place and eat my 最喜爱的 cereal- (gets decapitacated)
Anderson: Now that that's over with, let's go to my place and eat my 最喜爱的 cereal- (Sara's gone) AHH SON OF A PROSITION WHORE!
Anderson: Well. 你 know what time it is.. (Rape time)

Anderson: So what can I do for you, Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Reilly'O'Brian'O'Sullivan... ah-who is also Italian?

Intergra: 你 do realise. This is a great violation of our agreement.
Anderson: Oh. And what makes 你 say that?
Intergra: Because your killing my men!
Anderson: (kills two of her men wait infront of her) I have no idea what your talking about!

Anderson: 你 will witness what happens what here today, and 你 will will speak of it later.. Except 你 won't. BECAUSE I'LL KILL YEAH! (dramatic laughter).

Anderson: 你 know what. Fuck it.. Knife!

Anderson: It’s a shame for 你 迷失 your head. A careless vampire, who wound up dead. 你 wore your sin like it was some kind of prize. Too many lies… too many lies.

Anderson: Least till its time ta sligh in da nigght!

Anderson: 由 Jove, 你 fucking hedder of a woman! Surrounded 由 fifty vampire Nazis armed literally to the teeth, and what do 你 do!? 你 get out of your fucking car, pull out your sword, cut off one of their heads and yell, "come at me, 你 kraut shits!" No wonder Alucard wants to plow that virgin soil. I'm thinking about growing some 花 myself! Ha, ha, ha, ha.


BEST OF JAN VALENTINE:

Jan: Aw man, that totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through England!
Guard: Oh yeah. Where from?
Jan: (Jan snaps his fingers, summoning countless machine gun barrels; MP5 Navy+Suppressor, to be exact, from the bus behind him) Texas! [Sub-Machine gun fire; guards killed]
Jan: Aww shit.. I guess we need 更多 preyer in school!

Walter: (grabs Jan's arm) I got your arm!
Jan: (his arm tears off) SO SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!

Jan: Well, 你 have fun with that, bro. I'm gonna go skull-fuck that Hellsing bitch... And the old guys... Ah, fuck it. Skull-fuckin' for everyone!! Come here, ghoul!!

Jan: Alright, alright... what 你 do, is 你 go down to the local pharmacy, ask for something called Viagra, and it will help 你 go fuck yourself!

Jan: [Laughing] I don't know what's fucking funnier, the fact that 你 think that your titless 屁股 intimidates me, 或者 that 你 think my boss would let me live if 你 did! (Is suddenly enveloped in blue fire) AND NOW I'M ON FUCKING FIRE! SO NOW IT'S FREE GAME!!


BEST OF ALUCARD: 

Alucard: Now, I know what you’re thinking: “How did all this come about?” Well, it all started on a midnight stroll through the woods. The air was clear, the moon was full. I was dying to sink my teeth into something. Get it? Because I'm a vampire. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha… It’s funny.

Priest Vampire: I still plan to kill her. But first.. I'm gonna kill YOU! 
Alucard: Oh? See, that would be intimidating, if 你 were… well, intimidating.
Priest Vampire: Grr.. Are 你 mocking me!? 
Alucard: Oh, no, no, no, no, no… Pfft, yeah. (shoots the priest vampire).

Alucard: Oh, yeah. Forgot about you. Sorry about that whole “shooting you” thing, but I know if 你 look deep into your 心 - which is currently all over that 树 - you’ll find a way to forgive me.
Police Girl: [dying] Guh… gah…
Alucard: Awww, geez, 你 look like a puppy. A blonde, eviscerated puppy.
Police Girl: [still dying] Gah… *tear*
Alucard: Christ! Fine! I’ll help you! But only because 你 got nice tits.

Integra: 你 need to stop going on walks.
Alucard: And 你 need to hurry up and hook up some god-damned DSL in here!

Alucard: Sweet Black fucking Sabbath! If I wasn’t holding out for that beast of a woman Integra, I’d fuck the red right out of those eyes. [Seras gets stabbed 由 holy sacred bayonets in the back] Well… kinda like that, only with less symbolism and 更多 my penis in your vagina.

Anderson: How the blood-soaked protestant hell did 你 do that?!
Alucard: Fuck you, that’s how.

Integra: Over the last couple of years we've had some... expensive claims...
Alucard: Like what?
Sir Integra: First off -- property damage.
[cut scene of an explosion and people running away from OVA 6]
Alucard: Good times.
Sir Intergra: Dozens of noise complaints...
[cut scene to Police Girl and Alucard blasting Nobody 由 Skindred] 
Alucard: Sorry! I can't hear you!
Integra: Killing at least a dozen innocent people...
Alucard: Oh, so did Anthony Hopkins, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!
Integra: And, all of the sexual harassment.
Alucard: ... I'm not apologizing.

Alucard: Come on! 你 were talking all of that good shit a 秒 ago, then I blew your fucking legs off!!
Luke Valentine: But, I... you... what the fuck?!
Alucard: What's wrong demi-god? Just grow back your legs, (As he SMASHES the leg in his hand!) summon up your demons, hit me; FIGHT ME!!! Give me a hug~!
Luke Valentine: Really...? (Baskerville the AFOREMENTIONED Big Black Dog descends upon him as a certain soon-to-be bloody Valentine cries: ) OH GOD NO-!!!
[Cut to conferance room phone, as the committee members and Integra listen to Luke being violently eaten alive. 由 the Big Black Dog. Integra smiles wryly.]
Alucard: (on speakerphone): We're here on Epic Meal Time!! I'm the sauce boss, and tonight, we're eating this blond little wannabe demi-god bitch!

Alucard: It was the Nazis, wasn't it?
Sir Integra: No!
Alucard: Bet 你 I'm right!
Sir Integra: Bet 你 you're wrong!
Alucard: Bet 你 you're a skank~!
Sir Integra: Bet 你 you're an asshole!
Alucard: BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!

Alucard: (appears though wall) 嘿 KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!?
 
Alucard: Y'ello?
Integra: What did 你 do?
Alucard: Alright. (Alucard over the phone) But 你 can't be mad at me.
Integra: What did 你 do?
Alucard: Okay, first, I was minding my own business-
Integra: (Slams hand on table) BULLSHIT!!
Alucard: (Whining) I was!!!!
Integra: And exactly what happened whilst 你 were minding your own business?
Alucard: So I was just chillaxing in my room like a baller and then all of a sudden these schmucks kicked in my door!
[Door gets kicked in 由 B.O.P.E. forces, as Alucard recounts his trial of tribulation.]
Alucard: One of them yelled out: (Cut to the B.O.P.E. Schmuck.)
Schmuck: GET ON YOUR KNEES!
Alucard: And I responded with: (Cut to the past.) I fucked your mother last night!!
Alucard: And they took exception to that. (Raging gunfire ensues, as the Schmuck emits a war cry, and Alucard's body gets shot to the ground. Not Dead, 由 the way. KThxDie.) But 你 know how that song and dance goes. (Men screaming as they die) And I killed all but one of them.
Integra: What happened to the last one?
(Man whimpering and shoots himself in the head.)
Alucard: PUSSED OUT LIKE A BITCH!!
Alucard: Silver lining? I can 取消 my room service! 

Alucard: You're right. Enough focusing on the past. Instead, let's focus on the past! [We see flashbacks to his and Walter's battles with the Nazis, considering we're a bit too early to Abridge the Dawn.] Back in World War II, Walter and I were part of a top-secret government operation called "Operation: Kraut Control". Walter was fifteen, and I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, I was a girl.
Reggie: Wait a second, but that implies that the Queen-
Alucard: INTERRUPT MY STORY AGAIN, REGGIE! SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!

Major: Helllo
Alucard: (laughing) HE'S STILL SO FUCKIN FAT! He's like a Nazi Louis C.K.! Wait wait no no, Jim Gaffigan! Jim Gaffigan!

Alucard: Walter, do 你 know what my 最佳, 返回页首 three 最喜爱的 things I've killed are? Third is the Turks. 秒 is Nazis. Can 你 guess the first?
Walter: Your father?
Alucard: (Claps) Nailed it!

Alucard: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced long-range strategic reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 and an altitude of 85,000 feet.
Integra: 你 sure do seem to know a lot about it.
Alucard: DO 你 EVEN READ MY 圣诞节 LIST?!


BEST OF MAJOR:

The Major: Gentlemen… ve… are Nazis!
Nazis: Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
The Major: Und ve… vill have var!
Nazis: Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
The Major: Und ve… und ve… *sneeze*
Nazis: Gesundheit! Gesundheit!

Doctor: But Major, now zhat zhey know of our plans...
Major: Ah, Herr Doctor, but that iz the plan~! Now that zhey know our plan, zhey will plan around our plan, and zo we zhall in turn plan around zhe plan zhat zhey are planning around our plan!!
Doctor: Your brilliance knows no bounds!
Major: And regardless... We have one advantage that they sorely lack... ZEPPELINS!

The Major: I'm sure you're chomping at the bit to find out vhat ve have in store for you, nein?
Integra: Nazi army.
The Major: ...wow, just, kill all the fun! Put the fun in camps, vhy don't you?!

The Major: Gentlemen. Operation Bait 面包车, 范 Winkle is a rezounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can 移动 前锋, 期待 with our little...surprise. However, before ve begin our 下一个 phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of 你 have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var. I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. 你 get up in ze morning, 你 get into your shitty car, und 你 see a rich CEO who works half as hard as 你 do drive down ze 街, 街道 in his Porsche. "Class Var." 你 make it to vork, und 你 find out that ze annual drug test is today. Und 你 just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights 以前 before 晚餐 with your wife's awful parents. "Drug Var." But zhen, 你 find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. "Race Var." Then, 你 try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your 老友记 start arguing about vhat's right und what's wrong. "Flame Var." 你 finally get home, und 你 decide to relax 由 vatching a program about: "Who gets ze box?" "What's in ze box?" "How much is vhat's in ze box worth?" "Storage Vars." (chuckles) (Gustav Holsts - "The Planets - Mars, the Bringer of War" starts playing in the background) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of var. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal. 你 see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, und certainly, no Cold Vars! Blueballed for forty years. Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. A true var! A German var! The sequel you've all been vaiting for! I! VANT! VORLD! VAR!! THREE!!!

Nazi: Even 伦敦 bridge.
Major: Yes. Yes. 伦敦 Bridge is falling down. We all know the song.

The Doktor: Zhe Holocaust Museum?
The Major: Leave zhat be. No one vill deny vhat ve did.