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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If 爱情 is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should 你 believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that 狗 爱情 to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at 你 if 你 blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a 树 falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the 五角大楼 were run 由 women, would missiles be shaped differently?
10) How do 你 plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
11) If your 座位 can become a floatation device, why can't the airplane become a boat?
12) Isn't a "free gift" redundant?
13) Why do people say it's a nice 日 in summer but complain it's way too hot?
13) If a Smurf is choking what color does he turn?
14) Many builders refuse to have a 13th floor. Why aren't book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
15) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
16) Why is a completed building still called a "building" since it's already built?
17) Why sterilize the equipment used to administer a lethal injection?
18) How can there be self-help groups?
19) What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?
20) Why is that 羊 don't shrink when it rains?
21) If a 24 小时 convenience store is open 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?
22) Why does the term "wind up" mean both start and end?
23) If the word for 更多 than one 鹅 is geese, then why aren't groups of moose called meese?
24) Did 你 know that Evian spelled backwards is naïve?
25) If 橄榄 oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?
26) If it is true that practice makes perfect, and also true that nobody is perfect, why bother practicing?
27) Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
28) How do 你 know if 酸, 酸奶 cream has expired?
29) Why are there no Preparations A-G?
30) Do caskets come with a lifetime warranty?
31) Why are they called marbles if they are made from glass?
32) Ever notice that people who talk to God are saying prayers, but those that God talks to are crazy?
33) Why do people insist on stating things that "go without saying"?
34) Does the military have any misguided missiles?
35) Are all shifts at the cemetery considered graveyard shifts?
36) Do modern 日 witches run spell check before they cast their spells?
37) Do 《美人鱼》 wear algebras?
38) How can there be civil war?
39) Do astronauts with sweaty feet get "missile toe"?
40) If people have nightmares, what do 马 call their scary dreams?
41) Do 你 get to keep the time 你 save?
42) If time heals all wounds, then explain belly buttons.
43) Why do bars have parking lots if it is illegal to drink and drive?
44) How do they treat people who become addicted to therapy?
45) Why do they call it "rush hour" when the traffic is so slow?
46) If it is illegal to shoot them, why do they call it "tourist season"?
47) Why aren't moustaches called "mouthbrows"?
48) Why does the sun make our hair light and our skin dark?
49) Why does 分钟 白饭, 大米 have to cook for 15 minutes?
50) Why aren't wiseguy and wiseman the same thing?
51) How do 你 slam revolving doors?
52) If 你 put 食物 colouring in a potato seed will the potato grow purple?
53) If an 橙子, 橙色 is 橙子, 橙色 and called an orange, why is a bannana yellow and not called a yellow?
Hey everyone!!This is the story of the time I was at Wal-Mart with some 老友记 and the 火, 消防 alarm went off but nobody cared and a baby died!


So anyway me and my friend Gyrrrrrrlllllllll were at Wal-Mart stealing stuff when the 火, 消防 alarm went off.It was so funny cause nobody knew what to do.We were all just standing there not moving.It would have been 更多 funny to 你 if 你 *had've been there.


*I don't even think this is a word!

The End.

Nevermind.Fanpop 说 this 文章 is too short.Now what?That's all I had to say.Maybe if I say KITTENS!!!That will work.
"As I was sleeping on the tree, something suddenly tickled me. It wasn't like a 枕头 feather 或者 a back scratcher, but was 更多 like a scaley tickle. As I giggled in my sleep, a tight squeeze suddenly brought my attention. As I woke up and looked around, I realized I was being trapped 由 a large python- a 20 ft long sucker at that!

I had no idea how this snake found me nor did I wanted to know why he caught me. The large seprent suddenly squeezed me tighter and tighter until my face turned dark purple. I was suffocating to my death. It would've been the end of the world for me. Luckly, the...
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This is a funny story I came up with just now, so I hope 你 all enjoy it. ^_^

"My most 随意 adventure ever began on a distant island far, far away from anywhere. The island was silent, no one appeared to live on the island. It was all quite until a loud stomp was heard from a distance. As I pulled my face up from the beachy sand, I began shaking with fear, not even wanting to know who 或者 what made that noise.

With a light of speed, I raced my way out from the 海滩 and into the dense jungle. I was hoping to find help, but couldn't find anyone. Just then however, someone grabbed me very quickly...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
Katy Perry is a bit spaced out! Why? Because she keeps forgetting important facts, like that Russell Brand is her husband!

She's been married for a couple months now, but still can’t get used to calling him her husband.

“I forget to call him ‘my husband’ sometimes and still say ‘my boyfriend’. But I’ll get there,” she said.

This can happen to anyone we suppose, it takes a while to get used to the idea of being a wife.
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 One of my 最喜爱的 book series'.
One of my favorite book series'.
At least, I think that it’s the fifth. Okay, I haven't written in a while, but still. Miss me? The correct answer to that 问题 is: "Yes Rosie, we ALLLLLL missed you! Where were you!?" Well I'm glad 你 asked! I've been around. Mostly on the Harry Potter vs. Twilight club though. Either way, I'm back with all new topics and stuff. Sooooooo....
Alright Ladies and Gentleman, today I’m going to talk about something that I feel strongly about, even thought I know that many (weird) people will go psycho on me. And for all 你 haters of haterz, I just want to tell 你 that THIS IS AN OPINION!...
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Yesterday, Demi Lovato talked about the nominees for the American 音乐 Awards coming up on the 21st of November.

It will be really exciting, because in the category for Best Female Popstar we have Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry!

In the category for Best Male Artist we have to choose between Justin Bieber, his friend 亚瑟小子 and Eminem. Who will win?

And as far as Artist of the Year, it is between Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, 凯莎 and Eminem. An interesting mix and tough competition.

你 can vote for your 收藏夹 on the event webpage here: American 音乐 Awards.
posted by outsidersfan_14
i hope 你 like it..s not my best work but its pretty good. exspecially when i play it on gutair.its the first 文章 i put on here so plz 评论 , honestly, and say if i should put more??thanks!sorry about the bad format


YOur lvoe is suicide(title)

I know 你 amy not understand
but if 你 can
please understand
I see 你 underestimate me
all i can be
please try to see

If i turn around just for a minute
what would 你 say? take this away
If i told 你 how i feel, would it be real 或者 is this all fake??

Chourus: your 爱情 is suicide, all trapped inside-inside my mind. It trys to escape , to...
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posted by emilyroxx
 This picture is completely irrelivant to my blog.
This picture is completely irrelivant to my blog.
Hello, I’m back! I’ll write 更多 now.
So this 随意 kid comes up to me today and says: “Is there someone 你 want to defenestrate?” Now, I have a pretty large vocabulary, but I had no idea what she just said, so I 说 “What?” and she 说 “Defenestration is the act of throwing someone out of a window.” And then without looking at me she just turned and walked away, leaving me standing there thinking what the hell just happened? I have got to find out who that girl is, because whoever she is, she is AWSOME.
    One thought that occurred to me today was (those...
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posted by emilyroxx
Okay, I wanted to create a website and start a blog, but I’ve never really had the time, 或者 the ability. So what I plan to do is post some sort of 随意 blog on the 随意 粉丝 page. Just things that I’ve been thinking lately.
So, to start off I’m going to tell a story about my life.
One 日 this summer, my friend (Let’s call him ‘Joe’) and I were playing capture the flag. (One of my 最喜爱的 games.) With his little sister and my little brother. We’re 下一个 door neighbors, so we had his house be our base, and our siblings got my house. My brother immediately ran inside the house...
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5 更多 incredibly 随意 stuff...I'd like to note that not everything listed is exactly possible, but each is genuinely unique and 随意 in it's own way....

5) wear a nametag that reads "hello. My name is 耶稣 Christ" (or famous person) when some one says "you're not Jesus" turn around and say "Jesus? Where?"
4) befriend a zombie (don't try unless you're okay with being bitten)
3) give out autographs to complete strangers and pretend you're famous
2) divide 由 zero (it's a little harder than it looks)
1) walk up behind someone and whisper in their ear "I like mudkips...."

Lots of laughs...I recommend 3, 2 and 1
Ever met that one person who really really aggervates 你 , like constantly talking 或者 doing everything 你 do , well im gonna help 你 deal with them without punching them in the face (kris style <3)

1) always carry a stress ball , those things do work , and if not , 你 can always throw it at him/her

2) Carry a 枕头 in 你 purse/bag , so if 你 need to scream , scream in the 枕头 , this pervents people from thinking your crazy

3) Earphones , 你 COULD use them to block that person out , but studies 显示 that if that person happens to 吞, 燕子 one of the earphones , they wont talk anymore ,

4)Just a hint ; throwing chairs never helps ,

5)Try to be their friend , mabey that'll work

6) if its your sibbling ,

Girl:flush her fav 芭比娃娃 doll
Boy:Flush his favorate comic book
mixed gender: Flush their face (:

Again; Kris style <3
any ideas on any other topis to make kris style , please tell me (: <3
KrisLovesYou !
posted by energizerbunny
Anyway I'm back and I had a great time, except when we were on a bus and it was over 100 degrees, it was soooo hot, and after a while people were starting to get ill...but not me, I was laughing at everyone and they were getting mad at me lol


So we finally got at the cabins, the boys got the bigger one but they had 更多 people, besides the girls had a much better game room, me and 4 other girls wanted to stay up all night...you could tell that we were sleepy because we were giggling at nothing and jumping at everything lol


I was soo sleepy, I fell asleep on the Pooltable which was surprisingly...
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posted by MovieManiac95
 Are 你 MAD!?
Are You MAD!?
-Jumped And Hit Nothing
-Fell UP The Stairs
-Eaten your hand
-Swallowed nothing but choked anyways
-Gone Without Blinking
-Scratched An Itch That Was Never There
-Craved Cake but ate cereal
-Wished to fly, but had wings all along
-Skipped Without Moving
-Talked without talking
-Looked at nothing
-Done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
-Wished for school to be over, but miss it in the end
-eaten a cookie in your dream and tasted it

???????????????????????????


IF SO, LEMME KNOW :)
_________________________________________
If you're wondering what that was all about,
it was merely an introduction to my strange-ness,
and it's a...
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posted by karpach_13
随意 Facts but are They True?



The first couple to be shown in 床, 床上 together on prime time TV were 费雷德 and Wilma Flintstone.

Every 日 更多 money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury




Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.




It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number...
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posted by simpleplan
Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren’t added to it.

What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France.

In 1386, a pig in France was executed 由 public hanging for the murder of a child

The average person laughs 10 times a day!

12 newborns will be 给 to the wrong parents daily, on average!

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year

The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terrabytes

According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored 日 for self-destruction.

Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day.

The most money ever paid for a...
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posted by MissKnowItAll
I am the girl kicked out of her 首页 because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could...
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I dont undestand
i never did
and i guess i never will

i took a shot
i tried my best
to fiure 你 out
i gues its the end

CHOUUS:
that was yourlast shot. i put all my trust in 你 and 你 let me down.i am not sorry. i wont forgive 你 , its the end
so 你 can put your fist down right now
its over,you had your shot, now heres mine. and now im saying goodbye...gooodbye

you broke my heart
all i wanted was a faher to love
when my mother died
you never cried
you just used the oppertuniy
to push me down

never wil 你 burn me
or beat me
and call me wortless as 你 push me down

CHOUUS:
that was yourlast shot. i put all my...
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posted by IsabellaMCullen
Whenever 你 are 下一个 bored, 或者 feel like being annoying, here are some cool things to do.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Insist that your 电子邮箱 address begins with 'xena-warrior-princess' 或者 'elvis-the-king'.

Every time someone asks 你 to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put your garbage can on your 台, 办公桌 and label it "IN."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their...
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I am sorry. I hate it when i have to do this, because i know that it's really silly! But the only reason why i wouldn't 粉丝 anyone back, would be if they had joined the twilight saga club. I can see it on their 个人资料 and i immediately go all prejudice against them.
I shouldn't, i know, but it's against my morals to 粉丝 someone who loves the Twilight saga. If you're only a 粉丝 of Twilight, sometimes i forgive you... if you've done something to earn my respect.

Which would lead me onto my 下一个 reason...
If 你 have done nothing to earn my friendship, and not joined any of my favourite/major clubs, then i don't feel obliged to 粉丝 you.
However, if i can see that you're a 粉丝 of 'Random' 或者 'Harry Potter' 或者 'HP v T' etc, then the probability is that i will 粉丝 你 back.

On the other hand, if 你 are looking at this thinking that 你 haven't done any of these things, then feel free to 粉丝 me... i'll gladly return the favour! :)
xxx
EmptyInside: im late
Skrewwd: I feel wild
Skrewwd screams for the heck of it
WhoCares: A 日 dont go 由 你 dont feel that way.
Skrewwd kisses Black, CC, and Luna full in the mouth for the heck of it
MentalBlackie gets shotgun
EmptyInside watches black for rea- nevermind xD
WhoCares grabs shotgun and her chiansaw
Skrewwd: O.o
MentalBlackie: IF 你 do that again I'm gonna make BigMacs outta 你 XD
EmptyInside just sits there
Skrewwd runs for the hills
EmptyInside: WOO NON-VIOLENCE!
EmptyInside: ...for once
WhoCares: No fair Black, I wanted to do that to him!!
MentalBlackie shoots
MentalBlackie: Well
MentalBlackie:...
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