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posted by ilovepenguins
1) If 爱情 is blind, then why is there lingerie?
2) Why are they called "apartments" if they are all connected?
3) Should 你 believe a chronic liar if he admits that he is a chronic liar?
4) Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
5) Why is it that 狗 爱情 to hang their head out of the car window, but will get mad at 你 if 你 blow in their face?
6) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
7) If a 树 falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?
8) If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't congress be the opposite of progress?
9) If the 五角大楼 were run 由 women, would missiles be shaped differently?
10) How do 你 plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
11) If your 座位 can become a floatation device, why can't the airplane become a boat?
12) Isn't a "free gift" redundant?
13) Why do people say it's a nice 日 in summer but complain it's way too hot?
13) If a Smurf is choking what color does he turn?
14) Many builders refuse to have a 13th floor. Why aren't book publishers afraid to have a Chapter 11?
15) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
16) Why is a completed building still called a "building" since it's already built?
17) Why sterilize the equipment used to administer a lethal injection?
18) How can there be self-help groups?
19) What was the best thing before they invented sliced bread?
20) Why is that 羊 don't shrink when it rains?
21) If a 24 小时 convenience store is open 24 hours per day, 365 days per year, why are there locks on the doors?
22) Why does the term "wind up" mean both start and end?
23) If the word for 更多 than one 鹅 is geese, then why aren't groups of moose called meese?
24) Did 你 know that Evian spelled backwards is naïve?
25) If 橄榄 oil comes from smashed olives, how do they make baby oil?
26) If it is true that practice makes perfect, and also true that nobody is perfect, why bother practicing?
27) Are vegetarians allowed to eat animal crackers?
28) How do 你 know if 酸, 酸奶 cream has expired?
29) Why are there no Preparations A-G?
30) Do caskets come with a lifetime warranty?
31) Why are they called marbles if they are made from glass?
32) Ever notice that people who talk to God are saying prayers, but those that God talks to are crazy?
33) Why do people insist on stating things that "go without saying"?
34) Does the military have any misguided missiles?
35) Are all shifts at the cemetery considered graveyard shifts?
36) Do modern 日 witches run spell check before they cast their spells?
37) Do 《美人鱼》 wear algebras?
38) How can there be civil war?
39) Do astronauts with sweaty feet get "missile toe"?
40) If people have nightmares, what do 马 call their scary dreams?
41) Do 你 get to keep the time 你 save?
42) If time heals all wounds, then explain belly buttons.
43) Why do bars have parking lots if it is illegal to drink and drive?
44) How do they treat people who become addicted to therapy?
45) Why do they call it "rush hour" when the traffic is so slow?
46) If it is illegal to shoot them, why do they call it "tourist season"?
47) Why aren't moustaches called "mouthbrows"?
48) Why does the sun make our hair light and our skin dark?
49) Why does 分钟 白饭, 大米 have to cook for 15 minutes?
50) Why aren't wiseguy and wiseman the same thing?
51) How do 你 slam revolving doors?
52) If 你 put 食物 colouring in a potato seed will the potato grow purple?
53) If an 橙子, 橙色 is 橙子, 橙色 and called an orange, why is a bannana yellow and not called a yellow?
posted by adaug
Ashley:Okay,lets see there's,a four 年 old Amber,
A 12 年 old Kennedy,A 5 年 old Harper,And then there's 9 年 old Zack.Some job*Hears screaming*
Amber:HARPER!GET OUT!!!NOW!!!
Harper:Fine!*Takes Dolls*Hope ya don't need your Dollies!*Runs*
Amber:HARPER STOP IT!!!!I WILL PERSONALLY KILL YOU!
Ashley:STOP IT!!*Stops Harper*Harper!Give Amber her 玩偶 back.
Harper:FINE!!*Throws Dolls*I HATE EVERYTHING!!!
Ashley:Okay.Amber,Do 你 want something to eat?
Amber:Yes!Can I have a waffle?
Ashley:Sure!*Goes In kitchen*Waffles...waffles,Oh!
here we go,Okay Egos!Put in 烤面包机 for half a minute.
*Ten 分钟 later*
Kennedy:Hey Ashley!Do 你 know who you're working for?
Ashley:Uh Darrel And Amy?
Kennedy:Well yes but,They're also BILLIONAIRES!They picked 你 as the Babysitter cause 你 have 7 siblings and 你 all ways babysat them.
Ashley:So your telling me that...I'M WORKING FOR BILLIONAIRES!!??
Kennedy:*Rolls eyes*Yes...Yes that is what I meant!
posted by Aquarius18
1. 随意 ninjas will NOT jmup down from the sky and pull the fir alarm during math class. we aplogozie for this inconvenience.
2. ^Scratch that, not many epic things fall from the sky, except dead hawks.
3. Just 阅读 about Hetalia: Axiz Powers on Wikipedia and you've seen the iParty with 胜利之歌 Episode, and as soon as 你 read about Russia stalking China as a panda 熊 你 recognized the reference, shoutin "All has become clear", you're insane.
4. If 你 see Foamy the 松鼠 flying around your science class, 你 deserve an invisible cupcake.
5. If you've ever been at SCHOOL and locked...
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1.When i want something now and they 说 they 说 not now i yell like a 5 年 old sometime and they will do it

2.If i want to go somewhere and they 说 no i will ingore them 由 saying pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee pretty preetty please and they 说 FINE

3.if i want to play a game 或者 go on the computer and they 说 no i will be cying 或者 just make them get scare from grabing a creppy thing =D

4.if i want to play with my sister with her friend and they 说 no i will 说 creepy thing to them like what if someone take 你 away they will 说 ok scare >:D

5.if i dont want to go to school i will said...
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posted by TruBerries
Yes, it is I, TruBerries. The one that always keeps it real whether 你 want to hear it 或者 not. The one that can be too much real for anyone to handle and therefore, if 你 can't handle 或者 stand the heat, get out the kitchen!

Now, it seems to me, that there's repeated 问题 that are getting a lot of people irritated, but 你 know, I've came to terms to decide NOT to answer the question(s) no matter how overrated they are. I must admit that I don't mind the 'What do 你 think of me?' questions( well as long as 你 don't put a personal 照片 up 'cause everyone could careless on what 你 look...
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posted by yukikiyruu
i just read in this another club iwant u guys to see



From an 电子邮箱 I got.

"The Rules" from the male side

We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. I’m not saying I like them, but it’s only fair to present both sides.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up. 你 need it down. 你 don’t hear us complaining about 你 leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon 或者 the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Breasts...
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1. 你 grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
3. 你 take 照片 of yourself from ten feet away without using your camera’s auto-timer.
4. Your eyes stay open when 你 sneeze.
5. 你 don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
6. You’re elected "Employee of the Month" at 星巴克 and 你 don’t even work there.
7. 你 spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
8. Your 猫 are named "Cream" and "Sugar."
9. 你 can’t even remember your 秒 cup.
10. 你 can jump-start your car without cables.


*** I didn't write this. i got it from link
i thought it was funny and wanted to share it***
舱, 小木屋 for the Summer
Chapter Ten: Chelsea & Others
(I know this isn’t supposed to be Chelsea’s chapter, but since Chelsea and James broke up something is going to happen!)
By: moolah

    “I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed in his face, tears running down my face. “Stop yelling at me!” He yelled, a fist at his side. “It’s not helping anything!” Tori walked downstairs in her PJ’s and her eyes looking heavy. All the lights downstairs were on and Beth and David were trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. James had come back to the 舱, 小木屋 drunk again with...
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posted by smileypop9
Something I did for fun cos I was bored...just getting my thoughts out lol! This is part 3. :DDDDDDDDD
----------------------

Reading. So that's what I'm going to write about now. I 爱情 reading. It's fun, and it takes 你 to a whole new world.
Don't 你 hate it when someone on 潮流粉丝俱乐部 writes: 'Me, reading? pffttt -_-' 或者 something along those lines on their 个人资料 page when they are asked for their 最喜爱的 books? I know I do.
..
I mean, how can 你 hate reading? 你 read every day. You're 阅读 now. So don't put 'I don't read' on your 个人资料 page, cos 你 obviously do.
..

To those who don't...
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舱, 小木屋 for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Six: Beth

    I’m Bethany “Beth” Janice Renee Curtis Spotskey. I live with my parents, Jane and Bob Spotskey, my two brothers, Drew and Josh, my little sister, Samantha and my newborn baby sister, Caitlin.
    I have no boyfriend anymore thanks to Martin who I’d fallen in 爱情 with. But, he’d broken my 心 更多 than once. I was trying really hard to let him go, but it wasn’t working exactly.
    Anyways, we were at the market near “Key’s Bathing Wear”. The market was really big,...
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posted by ShiningsTar542
Rebecca doesn't only want to be known for her unforgettable song “Friday” so she is going to do everything in her power to create a cool new album.

Yes indeed, Rebecca has become famous thanks to her annoying song Friday and has got a record deal for a Cd with five 更多 songs, can 你 believe it? :/

Rebecca, is known-for and hated for “Friday”, she has even 说 that she doesn't like the song....we're not sure we believe that.

So on her 下一个 CD Rebecca promises to have a 更多 natural sound than in Friday, and that she, at least, will like her songs....it's amazing how much power the Internet has! It makes and breaks stars.

source: europapress
posted by smileypop9
Ok, so I have come to notice that 99% of people either HATE Justin Bieber, 或者 爱情 the crap outta him. Those 2 groups of people are at war with each other. It's kinda annoying.
Why do all the hate 评论 have to be about Justin Bieber, don't haters have anything else to do in their lives?

Anyway, I don't hate Justin. I don't 爱情 him either. I'm kinda in the middle. To me he is like a 随意 boy I just met on the streets.
I don't go around bashing him and his fans, I don't post hate 评论 etc, but I don't post 'OMG I 爱情 JB SOOOOOOOO MUCH' 评论 either.
I'm just happy the guy got his...
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posted by smileypop9
I found this on www.funny.com, and it's kinda hilarious!! Can 你 guess whose and what job it is?


You think your job sucks? Let me tell 你 about the people I work with.
First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair 或者 putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.
The 下一个 chick is exactly the opposite- she might even...
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舱, 小木屋 for the Summer
By: moolah
Chapter Two: Ella
    I’m totally convinced I have the best boyfriend in the entire world. He’s so sweet he bought me and all my 老友记 a 舱, 小木屋 for the summer. “Zack, 你 really didn’t need to do this!” I kept saying over and over again. It was no use, he was being all too sweet about it. “I know babe, but they ARE my 老友记 too.” He kissed my forehead then picked my bag up. He grinned and then threw the bag into the car we were taking. “Thanks, baby.” I said, and hopped into the passenger seat.
    When...
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舱, 小木屋 for the summer
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tori
Hi, I’m Tori Evans. I live with my parents-even though I just graduated from my High School-Saint Peters. I have a boyfriend named Laken whom I 爱情 loads.
    I was at home, after graduation whenever my 橙子, 橙色 黑莓 started to chirp, “You’re the reason why” a song that I put for my boyfriend. I answered, “Hey.” “Hi, Tori, guess what?” He asked. He sounded really excited. “What?” I asked giggling at his excitement. “Zack booked the cabin, for the 11 of us-ALL SUMMER!” He screamed into the phone....
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posted by yoj123
I was walking 首页 from walmart when a carrot fell from the sky and started talking to me then an air raid siren went off and flying pigs were dropping sausage rolls that blew up into smiley faces when they hit the ground then a 鲸, 鲸鱼 drove 由 in his sedan and 说 happy 万圣节前夕 to me then micheal Jackson did the moonwalk on the moon with a cow.


I was like wow I went 首页 and played wit my xbox, PIE!

And a cat grew a 鱼 tail and swam away from a basketball

Watch out CHAINSAW MONKEY!


Gggggvgggghfgjsfkfxhjcbkfzhjvxhjxgjcftafhvcihgfxbvzgcdgfgvff
Always & Forever
By: moolah
Chapter One: Tuesdays
    
    Hi! My name is Naomi Locket. I am 15 years old and I have no parents. None! They died in a horrible car accident, but that’s all right 由 me, it gives me 更多 time to spend with the hottest guy alive-Thomas Richards. He’s my boyfriend of 2 years. He has auburn hair and green eyes. But, the disadvantage of having a boyfriend, and being so close, is the often result-babies. Our daughter and son (twins), Jordyn(girl) and Emmett(boy) are about 6 months old. Jordyn is the most adorable little baby,...
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posted by darkkhorn19
If 你 have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, 你 have $1.19. 你 also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the 林肯 Memorial.

President Kennedy was the fastest 随意 speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.

In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottles represents the number of varieties of pickles the company...
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posted by invadercalliope
Hi everyone this is the Invader Calliope show!
Time to talk about stuff!
Ok here are two perfect things that i love! Invader Zim and Anime!!
Ok i'm on team and l then Mellow then Near!
I do 爱情 Misa though!
I 爱情 白饭, 大米 balls!
Oh my fave number is 37!
I'm using my laptop!
I 爱情 my cat!
I am feeling happy today!
I enjoy sweets!
I don't eat to much sweets i do eat my vegetables!
I 爱情 the colors: 青柠, 石灰 Green,Dark Purple,Cyber Blue,and Black!
I 爱情 the Invader Zim sound track and the amazing singer gir!
Miss Carey: Here are your costumes for the play children. Come and see!
Ed: Is it my costume?
Miss Carey: Yes, it is.
Mady: Is this my dress? It's pretty.
Nicki: Here's my own 天鹅 costume. Look at my 橙子, 橙色 beak.
Miss Carey: You're the ugly duckling, Allex. Here 你 are.
Allex: Thank you, Miss Carey.
Nicki: Let's put on our costumes!
Mady: Oh no! Look at my dress! It's much too lond.
Ed: My hat is too small. I look tidiculous.
Allex: I look 更多 ridiculous than you. Look at my feet!
Miss Carey: Oh dear! Theey're much too big!
Nicki: And I haven't got any wings!
Ed: This play is a disaster!
Mady: First we've got thousands of scripts.
Allex: And now our costumes don't fit.
Nicki: What's next?
posted by ShiningsTar542
It can be hard at times, but for some girls it is no problem to be 老友记 with an ex.

The key is in how the relationship has ended. It's important that there is no anger and no one has cheated. If this is true for 你 then it is 更多 than possible that with a little time 你 two can go back to being friends.

老友记 and just friends. 你 must be clear about what 你 want. Sometimes when we pretend to want to be 老友记 with our ex, we are really looking to get back together. Sometimes this is what 你 want and it works, but if it goes wrong then things will be even worse.

Give him space. If after some time apart 你 still want to continue to spend time together without wanting to be a couple, then 你 are ready to be 老友记 again!

-source: justjared T.V show<>