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Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have 你 ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man 下一个 to me!
I puked on the last person who flew 下一个 to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would 你 look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator.
Would 你 hold this messy kleenex for me?
Wanna see my tonsils? I keep them in a jar.
I haven't changed my underwear in over two weeks! How about you?
The doctors say that my eighth personality is the least dangerous.
Wow, look at that little boy in the third row!
Can 你 believe they only gave me three years for killing my own sister?!
Hey, does your urine ever turn blue?
I get a proctological exam once a week, whether I need it 或者 not!
This cramped fuselage reminds me of solitary.
Oh damn, my diaper's wet again!
If I go unconscious just stick your finger down my throat - that'll wake me up.
Wanna buy a gerbil?
Boy, that business at Waco was a mess - I got outa there right behind the Savior David!
Ya know, since I moved to West Hollywood my gerbil business has really taken off.
Wow, they could charge for that cavity 搜索 they gave me at the border!
I've just been treated for tapeworms.
Don Knotts is my 最喜爱的 actor!
I work for the city of San Gabriel and I drive a garbage truck.
The pilot and I were in the same drug rehab clinic - he was doing much better when I left a couple days ago.
Did I tell 你 Charles Manson's my uncle?
I collect aluminum foil.
Ya know, these days a man can't hang out with a seven 年 old boy without being ridiculed 由 his peers!
I work in a landfill.
I remember, not too long ago, when a man could work hard clubbing baby seals all 日 long and then go 首页 and have a tall, cold one with a clear conscience.
I have every album the Bee Gees ever recorded!
I work on a Japanese whaling ship.
We're planning on leaving our bodies and meeting with the mother ship 下一个 Tuesday - wanna come?
added by Mollymolata
added by tanyya
added by kicksomebut23
added by tanyya
added by shaneoohmac13
Don't mess with this monkey.

Footage from a security camera is 说 to 显示 a young man in Shimla, India, giving the finger to one of the area's famously belligerent monkeys. And as 你 might expect, the monkey is having none of it.

It drop kicks the man right in the head, knocking him to the ground.

The man, however, appears to be OK after the attack as he gets up and walks off.

Shimla's monkeys are known to cause problems for both tourists and locals visiting the Jakhoo temple, which is dedicated to the monkey god Hanuman.

"The monkeys of Shimla are not pleasant animals, they roam around in gangs...
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added by tanyya
#5: PRINCESS LUNA:
Princess Luna has a problems that a lot of us have. Family problems for the most part. She's always in the shadow of her sister. She's not appreciated for what she does. She's an lone wolf, alone for the most part. Lot of ponies judge her from her past and not what she is now. Unable to except her new self..

#4: TWILIGHT SPARKLE:
I never noticed at the time.
But she reminded me a bit of myself.
Never really having the time for friends.
Till I met them..

#3: ZUKO: THE LAST AIRBUNDER:
Zuko feels like an real person who goes through a lot in the world. His father abandoning him from...
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posted by GDragon612
1) Go into a phone store, look at the sales person, hold out a 香蕉 and tell them 你 want to upgrade to an apple.

2) On New Years Eve at 11: 55 order a 比萨, 比萨饼 then at 12:01, New
Year's day, call and complain I ordered this last year!

3) Go into a public restroom then after a few seconds, yell "LET IT GO! LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!" then drop something heavy into the toilet.

4) Order a 比萨, 比萨饼 3 分钟 before new 年 and when it comes say "I ordered this a darn 年 ago" and scream in frustration.

5) Go into a supermarket, and in the produce section, find a pineapple. Grab it and shake...
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#1: JASON BRODY:
Starting off as your average immature dare devil. But then Vaas kidnapped him and his brother Grant.. And during their escape Vaas coldly murders poor Grant and Jason is unable to save the poor guy. This being being one of them main reasons Jason tracks down and kills Vaas, though not too many sympathize the death of Vaas, despite how badass he is.
Not only that but Jason becomes a unstoppable force do to the harsh ways of the island destroying both his innocence, and even his sanity.
But Jason uses this, not for bad, but for the sole purpose of rescuing his 老友记 and family...
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(Hello there! If you're new to this series, here's the basics. I take 评论 asking 问题 from the last episode and answer them in the 下一个 article, but with Robotnik! As a result you'll see some pretty funny stuff. XD Hope 你 enjoy our first episode of Ask Dr. Robotnik!)

But before we begin, special shout-outs to the people who left 评论 in the last article! (Link to the 文章 is here: link)

RainSoul, kicksomebut23, PlazmaKiller59, sonicfan94, windwakerguy430, LGYCE, stella2015, MalloMar, ntmfan0707, and of course, me! Thanks for commenting guys!

And now, our feature presentation!...
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added by new2
video
随意
音乐
awesome
日本动漫
added by 3xZ
added by 3xZ
Source: thehobbit.com
added by 3xZ
Source: thehobbit.com
posted by ShadowFan100
This is my follow-up 文章 to my last one "What's the point?"

Let me start 由 saying that I have thought long and hard about what 你 all had to say regarding my article. And I think it's time I reveal 更多 of whats going on.

For what seems like forever (actually about 2 years 或者 so) I have been battling depression. And when I am dealing with my depression, it's not always easy to see the good in this world. I've also thought that maybe some of my depression was brought on 由 my own self, but other times it may be an actual severe case of it. Because when 你 have depression, 你 tend to view...
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posted by deathding
Oh boy, this is a BIG one. Bigger than if 你 took the Eiffel Tower and quadrupled its size! Bigger than the sun if it got a hold of steroids!

Alright, maybe I over exaggerated a bit there. Dear god. o-O

Seriously though, I absolutely despise today's people. And don't get me wrong, there's a TON of great, nice, friendly, and 总体, 整体 AWESOME people out there! But I LOATHE how everybody these days (Especially at my school.) Is talking like this: "YOYOYO NIGGER WHAT'S UP ILLUMINATI 21 KID? >:D"

"ARE 你 GAY? HAH! >:D"

And: "LOLOMG 你 SUCK MY BALLZ!!!"

I don't get it. At all. Is it funny? Is...
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