Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have 你 ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man 下一个 to me!
I puked on the last person who flew 下一个 to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would 你 look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator.
Would 你 hold this messy kleenex for me?
Wanna see my tonsils? I keep them in a jar.
I haven't changed my underwear in over two weeks! How about you?
The doctors say that my eighth personality is the least dangerous.
Wow, look at that little boy in the third row!
Can 你 believe they only gave me three years for killing my own sister?!
Hey, does your urine ever turn blue?
I get a proctological exam once a week, whether I need it 或者 not!
This cramped fuselage reminds me of solitary.
Oh damn, my diaper's wet again!
If I go unconscious just stick your finger down my throat - that'll wake me up.
Wanna buy a gerbil?
Boy, that business at Waco was a mess - I got outa there right behind the Savior David!
Ya know, since I moved to West Hollywood my gerbil business has really taken off.
Wow, they could charge for that cavity 搜索 they gave me at the border!
I've just been treated for tapeworms.
Don Knotts is my 最喜爱的 actor!
I work for the city of San Gabriel and I drive a garbage truck.
The pilot and I were in the same drug rehab clinic - he was doing much better when I left a couple days ago.
Did I tell 你 Charles Manson's my uncle?
I collect aluminum foil.
Ya know, these days a man can't hang out with a seven 年 old boy without being ridiculed 由 his peers!
I work in a landfill.
I remember, not too long ago, when a man could work hard clubbing baby seals all 日 long and then go 首页 and have a tall, cold one with a clear conscience.
I have every album the Bee Gees ever recorded!
I work on a Japanese whaling ship.
We're planning on leaving our bodies and meeting with the mother ship 下一个 Tuesday - wanna come?