4.    Never Again

I was lost. This was not me. I knew something was wrong. I felt in my heart. It was beating faster harder. Like there was, a 葱, 韭菜 and it had to work twice as hard to plug it up. I sat up slowly I the room was spinning but I didn't care. I tried to focus on Nicole and Aly but I saw four of them. I shook my head and stood up.

“Oh Bella” Nicole quickly fluttered to my side. “Do 你 need some water? 或者 do 你 want to go take a nap. I have Alison,” she told me but it wasn’t going through

“I have to go,” I 说 looking at her eyes— all four.

“You cant Jake 说 to stay here” she 说 in a stern voice.

“ I wont be gone for long I'll come right back. I have to go to Charlie’s house” there was something there that would lead me in the right direction. I felt it.

“Bella please 你 really cant do that.” She 说 trying to walk be back to the couch. I followed her –only because the room wouldn’t focus. “He told me that 你 were in danger again, and that 你 couldn’t leave no mater what not until he comes back” she looked at me deep concern in her eyes. He cared too much about me t was unnecessary.

“I am not in any kind of danger,” I 说 flaring my words. I clearly remember the Cullen’s not eating humans. “And I won’t be go for long I'll be back before he does.”

I stood but easily she pulled me back down to meet her eyes “Bella I am serious.” She sighed, “Some days I don’t know how he didn't imprint on you. He still loves 你 he just can’t live with out me. He will protect us. No mater what. Please, don’t make this difficult.”

I was angry now she didn't know what was going on. “You don’t understand. If 你 were in my position 你 would know but your not Damnit so just let me go.” I yelled at her standing and going to the door before she could object. I slammed it hearing Aly cry behind me.

I walked crookedly to my car. I got and sat in the care breathing calmly. my focus was better. There was one lane now, as I 鸽子 towards Forks.

It bothered me when Nicole 说 that. How he didn't imprint on 你 he would have I would be happy I would be working like this. Well I am happy he imprinted on Nicole and we were ready. It was on of the nights where we just stayed in the Rabbit talking. He told me Sam’s story with Leah and how he imprinted so strangely. I promised him that night, if he did imprint on some one I’ll be ok with it. That we could just be 老友记 and that I would understand. It wasn’t his choice. He had a thing with dodging me when he was mad 或者 up set. I had a thing for yelling at him until he told me.

I accepted the fact with open arms he just couldn’t leave me. And that’s how it’s been for the last 6 years. I got to Charlie’s house in 分钟 he wasn’t 首页 that is very good. This could get loud. I shuffled through my 手套 Compartment looking for the key.

I walked briskly to the door I felt like I was being watched. As soon as I got in, I locked the door. I ran up the stairs nearly falling back down them once I got to the 最佳, 返回页首 step. I recovered I when into my room. I had a big 台, 办公桌 and a little 台, 办公桌 my 床, 床上 was gone and replaced with a 迪士尼 Princess childbed. I looked around. Remembering how my room uses to look. There I thought pushing the 床, 床上 up. There was a loose floorboard. It was calling me all day. Every image in my head was of the soon. I have to find it. I got a shoe from my closet, and began hitting the floor vigorously to find a whole 或者 hallow spot. I stared in the corner I use to know where it was.

I kept it up until I heard the hollowness of the floor. I lifted it up. I gasped my throat was dry and my eyes felled with tear. My stuff. The things that remained me of him. A CD, pictures of us, the Tickets to Florida. I knew it was never gone. I looked around for a CD player. Listen to what I once loved.

I went to my closet it had all kinds of 破烂, 垃圾 in there and I found Aly’s Talking Taylor CD player. I quickly put the CD in there listening to the melody of His piano. My lullaby, with a flash my eyes were blurred 由 tears I closed them and watched every memory I blocked out that night after cliff diving.

EDWARD CULLEN was coming from every edge of my brain.

I remembered my first day, he wanted to kill me—my blood was so alluring to him, he told me that I couldn’t be his friend; he saved my life from Tyler’s 面包车, 范 then again in Port Angeles. I found out he was a vampire He sparkled in the meadow for me I met his parents Esme, Carlisle. Dr Cullen saved me 更多 then enough times. Rosalie and Emmett, his older siblings, blond and beautiful Rosalie and talk muscular Emmett. Alice my best friend she had promised me so much, she told me I would be like them. It was a fruitless lie. Jasper we were 老友记 I knew that much. He tried to kill me on my birthday I remembered that already. I was on the floor gasping for air. Playing baseball when James Laurent and Victoria tried to kill me. We went to Phoenix and James tried to kill me. My hand touched my scar. He was that close. I could have been one of them my life would be so different now. I remembered Jacob. Not just him but why I came to him. It will be as if I never existed. I felt nauseated. I clutched my stomached. I remember.

He spent every night with me. Driving piggyback as he ran through the forest. Driving fast in the shiny Silver Volvo. Save me from my own stupidity. Kisses that made my head spin and cuddling all night long. Then he left. It was awful I remember. I was almost dead. I was so worked up over him. He was my live 爱情 life Meaning it was all over. His voice my subconscious decided to give me to help with the main. The sense of feeling like Swiss cheese, full of holes, missing gaps through ought my whole life. I remember all of it.

I don't want to.

I stood at least tried to. I rolled but could not stand. I got to the stairs and fell down them. I panted and ran to my car. I got to my car, I speed the whole way. I ran a red light and an officer pulled up be hind me.

“Ma, did 你 realize that that light was red.” He asked as I rolled down the windows it was officer Bolster the newest officer in town. “Oh Bella what's going on” he 说 once he saw my face

“I'm in a hurry I can’t stop.” I 说 not looking at him. My 心 was beating out of my chest; I was shacking head to toe.

“Alright well I still have to give 你 a ticket. 你 ran a light and 你 were going 20 miles over the speed limit.” He 说 eyeing the car. I guess he was looking for Aly.

I looked up and saw it the black 奥迪 going just as fast I as was. Fast like a Cullen. I tried to catch my breadth “officer I really have to go give it to Charlie and I'll get it from him.” I 说 looking at him. My eyes had new tears in them and I was breathing heavily. He saw this and sorrow looked over his eyes. He stepped back and nodded.

I drove slightly slower to La Push I was 安全 there. As soon as I pulled into the reservation I slowed down I was able to think straight again. I have to get better. This had to go away. I will not be that girl in the memories never again.

Edward Cullen was my whole life. He dumped me and left. So why does it matter now. It was 10 years I have nothing to do with him. My life is fine just how it is.

I saw the house it was quiet. Jake wasn’t 首页 yet. I could tell. I sat in the car for a minute. Gathering my breaths and swallowing my self-pity. I wasn’t the girl in those 照片 或者 the girl in the memories. I am Bella Swan. I Life for my Daughter and I 爱情 My Daughter. I have Meaning as a mother, a Daughter, and a best Friend, and I never want to think of them again.