I recently read an post from Twilight widower on Twilight Widowers Anonymous( it's a support site for husbands, boyfriends and life partners of Twilight addicts). It cracked me up and i want to share it with you.
Onward and Upward
Firstly, please accept my apologies for the incredibly tardy post. As 你 can imagine, since
the 照片 of Robert Pattinson standing shirtless in Italy were released, it has been very difficult for me to get near the computer.
(I thought I could sneak a post in earlier this week, but then - alas - the New Moon trailer came out. Add to that the particularly fine weather we've been having in Vancouver lately, and 你 can perhaps forgive me for my lapse.)
It was, in fact, the release of the infamous "shirtless photos" that finally tipped me off to some peculiar behaviour my wife had been exhibiting for some time now.
Shortly after the "shirtless pictures" went online, my wife just happened to stop 由 the local sporting goods store and brought 首页 a set of weights.
"Well, it's summer soon," she said, 由 way of explanation. "You want to look good for the beach, don't you?" she asked innocently, in between replays of the animated shirtless vid on YouTube.
I became suspicious.
Was I being groomed to look like Edward Cullen?
This wasn't the first time this had happened. Up until a few weeks 以前 I wouldn’t have guessed how many brands of glitter body paint there are. And I remembered an odd conversation we had a while 以前 over the 晚餐 table:
"Stare at me."
"What?"
"Stare at me like 你 want to eat me."
I frowned. She waited patiently.
"No. That just looks constipated."
It's easy to tell if you're being groomed to look like Pretty McSparkle. Pay close attention to your wife's behaviour and you'll soon picked up the pattern:
1. 随意 gifts of hair gel ("Try putting your hair up for a change, honey.")
2. Signing 你 up for 钢琴 lessons ("You 说 你 wanted a new hobby.")
3. An unusual interest in your skin care routine ("The UV index is too high. here, wear this SPF 50 sunblock. And a hat. And cover your arms up.")
4. Your wardrobe has taken a decidedly… vintage look lately (“It's what all the guys are wearing now, trust me.”)
Honey? Why can't I wear shorts to the beach?
5. 你 are certain she keeps calling 你 由 a different name (“No, 你 misheard me… I 说 “I 爱情 you, onward!”)
6. She makes 你 stand out in the cold for a half-hour before letting 你 come to 床, 床上 (“It’ll tighten your pores”)
It may be paranoia on our part, I admit. But just remember, when she pages 你 at work and 你 hear “phone call for Mr. Cullen,” odds are it isn’t just a slip on her part…
A good post huuh?
Here's the link to the page if 你 want to read some 更多 link
Onward and Upward
Firstly, please accept my apologies for the incredibly tardy post. As 你 can imagine, since
the 照片 of Robert Pattinson standing shirtless in Italy were released, it has been very difficult for me to get near the computer.
(I thought I could sneak a post in earlier this week, but then - alas - the New Moon trailer came out. Add to that the particularly fine weather we've been having in Vancouver lately, and 你 can perhaps forgive me for my lapse.)
It was, in fact, the release of the infamous "shirtless photos" that finally tipped me off to some peculiar behaviour my wife had been exhibiting for some time now.
Shortly after the "shirtless pictures" went online, my wife just happened to stop 由 the local sporting goods store and brought 首页 a set of weights.
"Well, it's summer soon," she said, 由 way of explanation. "You want to look good for the beach, don't you?" she asked innocently, in between replays of the animated shirtless vid on YouTube.
I became suspicious.
Was I being groomed to look like Edward Cullen?
This wasn't the first time this had happened. Up until a few weeks 以前 I wouldn’t have guessed how many brands of glitter body paint there are. And I remembered an odd conversation we had a while 以前 over the 晚餐 table:
"Stare at me."
"What?"
"Stare at me like 你 want to eat me."
I frowned. She waited patiently.
"No. That just looks constipated."
It's easy to tell if you're being groomed to look like Pretty McSparkle. Pay close attention to your wife's behaviour and you'll soon picked up the pattern:
1. 随意 gifts of hair gel ("Try putting your hair up for a change, honey.")
2. Signing 你 up for 钢琴 lessons ("You 说 你 wanted a new hobby.")
3. An unusual interest in your skin care routine ("The UV index is too high. here, wear this SPF 50 sunblock. And a hat. And cover your arms up.")
4. Your wardrobe has taken a decidedly… vintage look lately (“It's what all the guys are wearing now, trust me.”)
Honey? Why can't I wear shorts to the beach?
5. 你 are certain she keeps calling 你 由 a different name (“No, 你 misheard me… I 说 “I 爱情 you, onward!”)
6. She makes 你 stand out in the cold for a half-hour before letting 你 come to 床, 床上 (“It’ll tighten your pores”)
It may be paranoia on our part, I admit. But just remember, when she pages 你 at work and 你 hear “phone call for Mr. Cullen,” odds are it isn’t just a slip on her part…
A good post huuh?
Here's the link to the page if 你 want to read some 更多 link
