'Ashes to Ashes' 

has wrapped another season, but this one ends on a much different note than the first. There was no last-minute, gasp-inducing twist. No one came back from the dead (and stayed). Instead, it was an hour about what lengths this family will go to to protect one another and ultimately, to find happiness. In that way, it was oddly simple. And yet, at the basis of all the supernatural drama, this is a fairly simple show. And that’s why it works so darn well.

Act One: We need to talk about Klaus’ plan

We kick things off with Dahlia and her alarmingly deep spell voice. Out in the woods, she’s performing the spell that will link her to Klaus. She will then need a single drop of Hope’s blood to channel the baby’s power. Then? It’s adios for Freya. See, by severing her bond with Freya, Dahlia’s bond with Hope will then become permanent, and only then can the scarring childhood begin.

Only, Dahlia’s plan will have to wait, because as soon as she completes the linking spell, Klaus daggers himself, thereby knocking them both out. Freya then wakes up alone in the woods with her adorable baby niece. (Just a thought: He really should’ve done a babysitting background check on Freya before leaving her alone with his child. I mean, who’s her reference? Dahlia?!)

Back at the compound, Elijah is beside himself with rage. (And I’m loving every minute of it, so yes, it’s our Elijah Moment of the Week.) Covering Gia’s burned corpse, Elijah isn’t exactly in the mood to listen to Cami talk about how Klaus is buying time until they can get the necessary ingredients with which to take down Dahlia. He’d rather yell about how his brother is the worst.

But at least he’s not alone. Also currently yelling about how Klaus is the worst, Marcel is upstairs

waiting for Rebekah to hopefully wake up in her new/old body. The good news? She does! The bad news? Marcel’s eyes are all “I’m in love with you,” but his lips don’t do a damn thing. Instead, Rebekah answers her phone when Klaus—meaning Freya—calls. Bekah then quickly heads downstairs to stop Elijah from yelling at the messenger.

As excited as Elijah is to see his original sister back in all her blond glory, he’s none too happy with the answer to the “Why isn’t Hayley answering her phone?” question. Spoiler: Klaus turned her into a wolf. Or as Elijah so elegantly puts it, Klaus chose to “condemn her to the body of a beast.” Even when he’s angry, that man is a poet.

But eloquent or not, Elijah has to put his feelings aside, because Klaus’ plan has left Freya alone with Hope, and finally, somebody in this world uses their vamp speed appropriately. Elijah gets to Freya in like, literally less than a minute, where he quickly informs her that Dahlia never loved her most of all. Instead, it’s Esther’s ashes that they need to take down Dahlia, and that’s why they’re going to trick Davina into resurrecting mommy dearest.

Speaking of whom, Davina is currently using “earth magic” to turn dirt and ash into Kol’s flesh and bone. Thanks to the ancestor’s granting her one-time-only access to the power she needs, Davina is finally going to get her beloved boy toy back. At least, that’s what she thinks.

So while Davina sets things in motion, Elijah and company take Dahlia and Klaus’ bodies back to the compound, where the dagger in Klaus’ chest starts melting. (Can you get any sort of poisoning from gold, because if so, he’s

getting it right now.) And that leaves the Originals with no choice: They have to follow Klaus’ plan, no matter how angry they are at Klaus.

With that in mind, Elijah and Rebekah head out to dig up their mother—Happy Belated Mother’s Day!—where Rebekah proves that she’s just as eloquent as her older brother. Why is she mad at Klaus? Because once again, she’s built to take a life and robbed of the chance to create it. Seriously? This dialogue is so beautiful I feel inadequate to even recap it.

So while Elijah and Rebekah wax poetic and burn their mother’s casket—typical Monday stuff—Marcel and Freya search for Kol’s ashes. Long story short: Davina has already gotten to them and Freya couldn’t care less … because she finds the White Oak Stake.

At the cemetery, Davina is about to bring Kol back when Rebekah walks in, performs the equivalent of a mic drop with the reveal of her new/old body, and then distracts Davina while Elijah swaps out Kol’s ashes for Esther’s. You can imagine Davina’s disappointment when the person she resurrects has breasts (and has clearly gotten her roots done recently).

Rebekah quickly puts Davina in a sleeper hold while Elijah slaps some magic-resistant chains on Esther, who’s standing by watching all the action unfold wearing nothing but a sheet. Don’t worry Esther, somebody will find you some bright red lipstick and in a few moments, you’ll look literally better than you ever have before.

Back at the compound, Freya is about to kill Klaus with the White Oak Stake when Klaus stops her. Yep, he’s awake. And so is Dahlia.

It takes about .5 seconds for Dahlia to get her hands on the White Oak Stake, but Klaus isn’t worried. He and Dahlia are linked … right? Wrong! Remember that whole melting dagger thing? Yep, it broke the link between them, which means Dahlia is free to kill Klaus. Quick! Somebody show her a picture of the Salvatore brothers! She’d never kill those hunks.

Never mind, no need. Marcel is there to tackle Klaus out of the way, but by the time Klaus and Marcel can get to Hope, she’s already had her hand pricked by some of Dahlia’s plants. Now, Dahlia has everything she needs. (She also has Freya, but no one seems to be too worried about that.)

With the big battle looming overhead, Marcel asks Davina for help finding Dahlia, asking her to postpone her war on the Mikaelsons until this Dahlia stuff has blown over. And while Marcel does that, Klaus also asks a friend for help: He asks Cami to watch over Hope at the jazz club that is a magic-free zone. She’s still a little hung up on the whole you-bit-me thing, but Klaus promises to make it up to her.

Leaving Hope with Cami, Klaus returns to find the wrath of his older brother, who’s finally able to confront his brother about, I don’t know, burning Gia alive and turning Hayley into a wolf?! Klaus writes them both off as “collateral damage,” which earns him a well-deserved punch in the face. Elijah quickly calls it like it is: This wasn’t all part of a plan. Klaus was also punishing his family for daggering him. As Elijah puts it, “to break your enemy, you broke your family.” And because of that, no matter what happens with Dahlia, Elijah will no longer stand at Klaus’ side. Klaus can enjoy his time ALONE.

With that, Elijah takes his mother by her leash and walks her to her death. #Family, amirite?

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