Happy birthday Dawn ♥

When I was born, I was 给 a choice - A big dick 或者 a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

A wife is a sex object. Every time 你 ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but 下一个 to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Virginity is...

So this 年 happens to be over in 11 hours and 32 minutes. And because of that I thought I could write a little something about each one of 你 :]

Nate
The king. The king of randomness to be honest. He's just awesome and I have no idea what I (and the other pinjas) would have done without him. He must be some sort of a saint. He got the Leytoners and the Brucasers to become 老友记 after such a long time fighting. That I respect him for. Also his pervert-ness is not to be wrong of. Even though it's kind of creepy, it's hilarious. Him and Tool together.. No needs to say 更多 :] Nate. You're an...

CHAPTER TWO.

Cherry 樱桃 boom boom
Mary: HANNAH! COME HERE NOW!
H: What the HELL?
Mary: Did 你 buy 冰激凌 again? 你 know I hate it.
H: First off, its taste is MANGO. Epic.
Mary: Yeah right.
H: And secondly, 你 are a complete retard for not liking 冰激凌 so shut up.
Mary: But there’s no room in the fridge for my vegetables.
DING DONG. Hannah runs to open, glad that she was saved from the “fight”.
Cat: 嘿 my girl.
H: 嘿 Kitty.
Mary: Who is it?
H: It’s Cat. She brought us some ice-cream.
Mary: 你 have got to be kidding me. Mangos and 冰激凌 are FORBIDDEN in here.
G: WHY ARE YOU...

Happy sweet sixteen my Ballah!:D
You better have a terrific day, and an amazing 年 ahead of you, cause 你 deserve it!♥

Hannah! 你 have this unique, amazing, incredible and loveable personality which 你 just can't miss! 你 make the room (forum) look at 你 when 你 step in, and 你 somehow make me smile even though i'm having a real shitty day! And I don't think I have to tell 你 about your world known (fanpop-known) cheating skils! PCBR (pathetic cheating 婴儿 rules) says it all!;P
You will always be my teacher/master/mentor (you choose), and I always enjoy cheating with you! Cheating...

Tis is BS -_-

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make 爱情 to 你 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a 列表 of why I didn't succeed 更多 often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache 或者 backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late 显示 - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo...

Just goes to 显示 how differently men and women look at things...

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was 表演 weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my 老友记 all 日 long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he 说 nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He 说 it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way 首页 I...