It had been almost 4 months since the night she had walked into my bathroom. On the floor with vicodin in hand I felt like I had 迷失 everything and doing the right thing was not getting me anywhere.
The night had started out at that tragic sight. A 起重机 had collapsed on a building in Trenton. There were still so many people unaccounted for. As we arrived I could hardly believe my eyes. They had reached the 起重机 operator and pulled him from the wreakage and he was on his way to Princeton where my team awaited him.
Cuddy had been 表演 strange and I was trying to find out what was going on. I made a call to Wilson to see if there was trouble in paradise.
Then there came a clanging from somewhere. As I was trying to figure out where it was coming from I yelled to the crew that someone was down there. As they came over to 搜索 they didn’t hear anything. I knew I had heard something. I saw a sprinkler pipe and took my cane and beat up against the pipe and it was the same noise.
Is anyone down there? I know I heard something. This is such a small space. Maybe I should go back. What am I doing? What the h…? How am I going to get through here? Why am I doing this? I should just turn around and go back. There she was and as she grabbed my cane it startled me. I heard her say help me. Her leg is trapped and I can’t lift the beam and I can’t pull her out. I have got to get help. I know 你 are scared but I have to get help.
I finally get back out of the hole and reach some people to get down there to help. ForH annah a connection was made with me. I begin looking for Cuddy again because I have to find out what is going on.
As I approach her I want her to tell me she broke up with Lucas. I want her to give me a chance. But the words that rolled from her lips were anything but wha tI had imagined.
“I am getting married House.” The words were loosely penetrating my cerebral cortex. No! 你 can't marry him Cuddy. 你 爱情 me I 说 to myself. I know 你 do.
Hannah’s situation is slowly escalated all night and they don’t know how long they can keep this building sured up and amputation was being considered. I would have argued to the death against the amputation.
They made one 更多 desperate try to lift the beam but it caused another collapse and the debris flew and came close to an artery on my shoulder. Hannah I’ve got to go. I’ll be back.
As the worker approached he 说 we needed to get Hannah out and that required amputation. Cuddy continued arguing with me and i was arguing back.
”I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me House.
~House: Really? (standing up and towering over her) Wow. So this is all about 你 now.
~Cuddy: 你 took her side against me right after 你 heard about my engagement.
~House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
~Cuddy: I don't 爱情 you. So just... accept it and 移动 on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
~House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-age single mom who's dating a man-child.
~Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around 你 and make their own lives worse while they try to keep 你 from collapsing. I'm done. (She walks away from him)
~House: (calling after her) Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
~Cuddy: (turning around and coming back toward him) What are 你 clinging to, House? You're going to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do 你 have in your life honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you... You've got nothing, House, nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm going to convince her to let me cut her leg off. If 你 have any decency left, you'll stay out of it.
"She doesn't 爱情 me." It felt like a 刀 had been run through me. "She’s right. It didn’t work out well for me." I have nothing. All those years I had wanted to be with her and I had really finally 迷失 her. I had punished her and taken advantage of her and she had finally had enough. I can’t let her do that amputation. It would haunt her forever. The only thing I have is medicine.
As I went down in the hole I talked to Hannah. I told her that I made the wrong choice that the doctors had to do a risky surgery because I wanted my leg. I am in pain every day. It made me a harder person and a worse person. I am alone. 你 don’t want to be like me.
Cuddy I saw the release in your eyes and the tear slid down your cheek. I had hurt 你 so much over the years. I had 说 so many cruel things. Why couldn’t I just tell 你 that I was sorry and that I wanted to be with you? Why couldn't I just say those words? No it was too late.
I will take care of Hannah. I have got this. For all the pain 你 have suffered at my hands maybe I can take a little of it of from your shoulders this time.
I grasped Hannah’s hand as she asked me hw bad it would hurt and I told her it would hurt like nothing she had ever felt before. I can still hear her screaming. That saw cutting through the 识骨寻踪 in her leg. I think I will always hear her screaming.
"In those ashes I made my choice to let 你 know that I was wrong and that all those years I was a jerk. I set 你 free from the guilt and the responsibility of fixing me and keeping me from hurting myself. When I shut those doors on the 救护车 and I looked into your eyes I knew 你 were gone and any chance I might have had to be with 你 was gone."
In the 救护车 ride to the hospital it really began to set in. She is engaged to Lucas. I had really 迷失 you. 你 are getting married.
“I don’t 爱情 you.” The words kept repeating in my head cutting deeper each time.
"I’m moving on."
"Screw you."
"I am sick of making excuses for you."
She didn’t believe in me anymore and she wasn’t going to put her 心 out there to be walked on 由 me anymore.
Then the EMT shouted the words, “her blood pressure is dropping."
Hannah began struggling to get her breath. She couldn’t breathe. I thought it was a clot but as I tried to bust it I found it wasn’t a clot. I fell back. Oh no!! I looked at her almost pleading but there was nobody there for me to plead to. It was a fat embolism and there was nothing I could do. "Oh Hannah", as 你 looked at me I could hardly hold back my anger and frustration.
"Oh Hannah I am so sorry."
I had broken my own rules about making connections with patients and I had gave 你 false hope. I had told 你 that the amputation was the only way to save your life and now 你 were looking up at me as if to tell me 你 knew I had done everything I could. All I could do was watch 你 take your last breath. Everything I touch I destroy.
"I sat there for a while inside the 救护车 as Foreman tried to help but there was just no way to help me. The entire night sinking in to my brain. I had 迷失 everything that I had been working so hard to gain. I had tried to prove myself worthy only to find out I wasn't worthy of anything. I had done everything right and I still had nothing."
Foreman is following me through the hospital into the lobby still trying to help me but I was far beyond any help.
I had followed Dr. Nolan’s 建议 to the letter and I still had nothing. Well not quite nothing, I had one 更多 thing. I had always been able to depend on the………….
I got on my bike and I left the hospital. She is marrying Lucas. Wilson is moving in with Sam and I my patient is dead. 更多 loss in one night then I could take. I can't take this anymore.
As I arrived at the apartment I had fixed a hole in the 墙 behind the mirror in the bathroom years 以前 in case something happened and I couldn’t get any pills. I stood there looking in the mirror for any reason not to take this pain away and on the verge of completely breaking down. The struggle of being clean for a 年 ripping at my 心 and the desire to have something to take away the pain and the loss I had suffered tonight taunting me, tearing at my soul. I jerked the mirror off the 墙 and threw it into the bathtub shattering it into pieces. There, in the hole was the crutch I had depended on for almost several years of my life. I had left one crutch (in the form of my cane and all my excuses) in the hole underground that night now just to be reaching out for the another. I had freed the people I had imprisoned for so many years. I grabbed the bottles and fell to the floor. My hands were shaking and water filling my eyes as I opened the bottle and poured two vicodin in my hand. Go ahead, take them, 你 tried, 你 still have nothing, take them! It will make the pain go away.
My hand started upward and then I saw her shadow and I looked at her wondering if she really was there. Are 你 going to leap across the room and jerk them out of my hand? As 你 began talking I still wasn’t sure 你 were there. I was listening but still not sure that this was real. Did I really hear 你 say 你 had broke it off with Lucas? What?! Did 你 really say that? Are 你 really here? Did 你 really say that 你 loved me? As I held his hand up youhelped me up. Am I hallucinating this. Are 你 really here?
I leaned down and softly brushed your lips across yours. 你 feel real but I pulled back to make sure that I wasn’t hallucinating.
How do I know I am not hallucinating?
“Did 你 take the vicodin” 你 asked me?
“As I looked in my hand the vicodin were still there.” I threw them down as I moved in closer to 你 and leaned down and I abandoned all thinking and all logic and I deepened my 吻乐队（Kiss） this time.
“I need to change the bandage” I thought I heard 你 say.
“It’ll wait.” I need to be close to 你 I thought to myself. I was too tired to hide my feelings anymore. I was afraid to let 你 in but I was 更多 afraid of letting 你 walk away out of my arms 或者 out of my life. As 你 touched my chest I leaned into you. Your hand sent waves of electricity through every part of me. Being in the room with 你 always made me feel a little funny. Earlier that night I thought I had 迷失 you. Now 你 were standing just inches away from me. Softly my lips met yours again and I brushed my lips back and forth across yours as the honesty of the moment was overwhelming for us both. I could barely breathe 或者 get my bearings. The feel of 你 unlike anything I had ever felt. The moment was raw and like two battle worn soldiers as our hands and fingers interlocked the 吻乐队（Kiss） deepened. There were no words and not really any actions that could describe the emotions that were pouring out of my soul.
你 pulled away and led me to the bedroom. 你 helped me take my 夹克 off and 你 checked the wound. As 你 undressed me 你 washed me with a cloth and when 你 came to the scar 你 embraced all that we had been through as the healing began for us both. For a moment it was 更多 than I could take in but as 你 looked into my eyes all my fears melted with your words and as I pulled 你 back up I had never known a 爱情 as faithful as what 你 had 给 me for so long. As I lowered my head and my lips met with yours again I drank 你 in like water for someone dying of thirst.
你 were a dream, a fantasy, and before this moment I thought 你 were out of my reach.
When I picked 你 up as much as it hurt I wanted 你 to know I would never let 你 fall again. I will go through the pain and the fear that rest deep inside my soul to be with you. Inside 你 that night I couldn't get close enough.
And now here we are 4 months later and 你 have just forgiven me again. Maybe 你 just needed to hear an apology because of all the times I didn’t say it. I lied to 你 about a case and although I didn’t think I was wrong I knew 你 were upset and for the first time in my life I needed 你 更多 than I needed to be right. 更多 than needing to make my point I needed you.
你 are opening your beautiful stormy gray eyes and as I brush your hair behind your ear I look at your beautiful face and I still find it hard to believe that you’re here. I promise 你 I am learning from my mistakes.
Cuddy I 爱情 你 for what I am when I am with 你 and for the man 你 make me want to be. 你 loved me long enough and strong enough until I could no longer be without you. One 日 I will tell 你 this but for now these words are the ones that come from my lips:
"Are 你 planning on sleeping all day." No one needs this much beauty sleep. I couldn't be with 你 if 你 were that ugly.
Shut-up House.
As I lean down to 吻乐队（Kiss） 你 your beauty washes over me and after 20 years 你 still take my breath away.
