Artie: I think Mr. Schue's using irony to enhance the performance.
Rachel: There's *nothing* ironic about 显示 choir! (Pilot)
The 更多 time Rachel storms out of rehearsal, the less impact it has. (Preggers)
(Talking about boys beating girls) We're planning on smacking them down like the hand of God. (Vitamin D)
Puck, with respect, you're 更多 helpful when 你 don't contribute. (Vitamin D)
(To Finn about his newfound energy) Has your soul been taken over 由 caffeinated 太空 aliens? (Vitamin D)
(To Tina upon his accident) But I want to be very clear... I still have the use of my penis. (Wheels)
(To Rachel) You're irritating. But don't take that personally. (Wheels)
Artie: I'd 爱情 to be in the 照片 Rachel, but I'd be sitting and you'd be standing, and it throws off the whole composition!
Rachel: I'll lean over.
Artie: But, if 你 lean over, it'll look like 你 have stomach rolls.
Rachel: On 秒 thought, I don't think you're leadership material, Artie!
Artie: *points to self* Follower. (Mattress)
Mercedes: What's a "patriotic" wedgie?
Finn: It's when they hoist 你 up the flagpole 由 your undies.
Artie: Strangely, it did make me feel 更多 American. (Mattress)
(Talking to Rachel about Run Joey Run) 你 had me at sex tape. How can I help? (Bad Reputation)
(Talking about trying to get a reputation) We have to do what we've been dreading. Something 更多 terrifying than Rachel's personality. (Bad Reputation)
I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse then shot it. (Dream On)
Tina: 你 ignored me for weeks this summer.
Artie: I was playing a marathon game of Halo, woman. (Audition)
(About Sam) Finn: I like this kid.
Artie: I like his confidence. But the Bieber cut's gotta go. (Audition)
(To Coach Beiste about football) I really want to play. I want my girlfriend back and... I want abs. (Audition)
(After Brittany says she's into Artie) Artie: You've never made eye contact with me.
Brittany: For awhile, I thought 你 were a robot. (Duets)
Sam: Chicken, egg whites, fish-no salmon, oatmeal, brown 白饭, 大米 but not after 6 PM, no 牛油, 黄油 或者 oil, and no soda...
Finn: That’s all 你 eat?
Sam: Ain’t no carpool lane to sexy.
Artie: Damn straight. (Rocky Horror 欢乐合唱团 Show)
(To Santana and Brittany, following Puck's advice) All I can say is that I don’t want a long-term relationship with either of you; especially Brittany since I’m not in 爱情 with her. (Never Been Kissed)
(About Sam punching Karofsky) Mike: Dude´s a mad animal!
Artie: He´s a manimal. (Furt)
(To Tina upon talking about a problem) Is the problem your outfit? 你 look like a cheerleader zombie corpse. (Special Education)
I told my parents I only want one thing for 圣诞节 this year: stop friending me on Facebook. (A Very 欢乐合唱团 Christmas)
Brittany was the only person we could find on short notice. We bribed her with Dots. (A Night of Neglect)
(To Sunshine) Seriously, with your size, 你 could easily sit in the air ducts for days. (A Night of Neglect)
