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最佳, 返回页首 10: Cruel Things Women Do To Men

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I didn't write this & it's coming from a guys point of view.


10.They Don’t Pick Up The Phone

You convinced her to give 你 her number and you’re feeling good about yourself. Your charm and good looks have obviously made an impression on her. Unfortunately, when 你 try to call, she doesn’t pick up or, worse yet, she’s 给 你 a fake number. Some women will give 你 their numbers because it’s easier than trying to tell 你 why she’s not interested. What’s more, in the age of caller ID, it’s easy for her to avoid your calls. At least...

Warning: This 文章 contains disgusting facts that just as the 标题 states, 你 may not want to know! With that being said, please read on with caution.

Next time 你 lean in for a kiss, 你 might want to think about this:

1. The nose drips into the back of the mouth and 你 may get mucus mixed with saliva when kissing.

2. Fungus is constantly growing in the oral cavity.

3. The white blood cells from your partners mouth will attack yours when embracing in a kiss.

More 随意 Gross Facts:

1. One of the gasses in your farts is actually flammable. If 你 attempt to light your gas on 火, 消防 it...

Reasons I 爱情 You:

1) The way 你 stand 由 my side


2) The times 你 make sure nothing will harm me


3) How 你 always find a new way to "WoW" me


4) When I'm sad, 你 take the pain away with a joke


5) How 你 always look deep into my eyes


6) How 你 can make my 心 melt with your soft lips


7) The way 你 hold my hand so tight


8) The way 你 never let my hands go


8) How 你 always watch out for me


9) They way 你 make sure I have everything I need


10) How 你 always know what to say when I get mad at you


11) When 你 buy me things out of the blue


12) How 你 say the cutest...

Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four 问题 to determine the level of your intellect. Your 回复 must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating 或者 wasting time.

And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: 你 are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in 秒 place.
In which position are 你 now?

Answer:

If 你 answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. 你 overtook the 秒 runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the 下一个 问题 try not to be so dumb.

2 : If 你 overtake the last...

Hey, this is my piece for my drama exam, without the stage directions. I started 写作 it out on here as a way of learning it, then I thought, why no post it? I may as well, it's going to do no harm. :D
So here it is, its rather depressing though. So if 你 don't need to be depressed right now, then I suggest 你 don't read it. :)




[Give me a break. You’re going to go back to your 老友记 and either forget all about us 或者 tell a story about the hideous freak 你 met tonight. 你 don’t know me, if 你 did, you’d never think we’d be friends. I don’t have 老友记 - except my brother....

1.Stand at the counter and ask for everything that they give out free (including smiles)
2.Keep walking back and forth suspiciously and taking straws, 10 at a time
3.Put “out of order” signs on all their cashes
4.Change your mind whenever your total is 给 to you
5.Take a chair and sit at the counter to eat
6.Only ask for ketchup. Do this at least 10 times.
7.Make an “important” phone call while you’re ordering. If they ask 你 any 问题 tell them to be quiet.
8.Demand to get the smallest super-size meal they have
9.Throw ketchup packets at them from a distance. If they kick 你 out...

These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to 你 as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If 你 are the phone company, I already sent the money. If 你 are my parents, please send money. If 你 are my financial aid institution, 你 didn't lend me enough money. If 你 are my friends, 你 owe me money. If 你 are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4....

Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until 你 find your contact lens.

Punch the body and tell people that he hit 你 first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of 你 shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Ask the widow to give 你 a kiss.

Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the...

The three little pigs (edited version)

Once appon a time, There were three pigs named Dakota, Kelsey and Jessica. They had a problem... A 狼 named Gibby was trying to kill them!
"Kelsey, Do 你 want to come with me to go find Jessica?" Dakota asks.
"Sure." 回复 Kelsey.
They walk outside and look in the forest only to see Jessica setting up traps for the wolf.
"Jessica, What the f*ck are 你 doing?" Asks Kelsey.
"What does it look like I'm doing...I'm putting up traps to see if I can catch Gibby." She says as she looks at Kelsey with an annoyed expression.
"Calm yourself..Damn!" Says Dakota as...

I got it somewhere n thought i should share it.

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the 蝙蝠侠 theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with 老友记 in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If 你 have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours 由 hooking a 摄录一体机, 摄像机 to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all...