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posted by simpleplan
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, 你 answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, 你 answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, 你 answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, 你 say “is that so?”
5. If 你 so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher 你 did not turn in your homework because 你 were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper...
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posted by smileypop9
1.When 你 walk into the room, run up to the teacher and stare her in the eyes. nothing more. just keep a straight face and stare. they get quite scared.

2.Before your science class starts, put a 冷却器 that has "Human Head" written on top, on the front table. On the board write: "Class, we will be disecting a human head tommorrow, the sign up 列表 is on my 台, 办公桌 for the part 你 would like to dissect" Actually put a sign up 列表 on her desk.

3.bring a cactus to school. Raise your hand. When called upon say the cactus has a question. look at the cactus and wait for it to say something. when it...
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1. We aren’t mind readers!
2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. When 你 sleep over never boss me around in 床, 床上 unless it is during sex.
4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
5. It never hurts to work out.
6. If 你 don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask the question.
7. “Fine” 或者 “whatever” is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
8. If 你 want sex, just ask. (In case 你 didn’t already know.)
9. Don’t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those...
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1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with 更多 than 5 guys..you're a HOE)

2. "Hey, are 你 busy?" 或者 "Are 你 doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all 日 but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's...
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I got bored, so here 你 go.


1. BlueEyedDemon

2. SuicidalSlut

3. MaliciousIntent

4. GloomyTears

5. Blacklight

6. DarkSunshine

7. FallenIsolation

8. DrowningInTears

9. DismalAngel

10. FallenSolitude

11. HopingInSolitude

12. SilentCall

13. CountingOnRain

14. CalledForMishap

15. RuefulDestiny

16. FallenAngel

17. KilledByAnAngel (I know for a fact it's taken on here 由 my twin sis but I made it up)

18. FlamingCore

19. Darkenin(g)InRegret (The G could be taken off if there is a 15 character like on Fanpop)

20.Itrieditathome

21. RunWithScissors

22. PlaydateWithFire (Over 15 characters but... I like it)

23. RejectedStar...
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1.In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. I'll have twenty.
2.Sometimes 你 make me so mad i wanna throw 你 in the middle of on-going traffic; but then i realize i would probably kill myself trying to save you.
3.im the type of girl who would burst out laughing in the middle of silence because of something that happened... yesterday.
4.so ill walk the plank & jump with a smile if im going down ill do it in style 你 wont hear me surrender.
5.the truth hurts so we lie
6.silence is golden, duct tape is silver
7.i know your probably thinking oh no she didnt but i just so totally...
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posted by iluvsmj
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at 你 trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can 吻乐队(Kiss) a guy* a bird can 吻乐队(Kiss) a butterfly* the rising sun can 吻乐队(Kiss) the grass* but 你 my friend!! yes you!! 你 CAN 吻乐队(Kiss) MY ASS*******

If 你 didn't have feet 你 wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do 你 wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for 你 %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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44 Ways to Make a Girl Happy

Ladies, this will make 你 tear up :)

Fellas, read all of it:)

1-Touch her waist.

2-Talk to her.

3-Share secrets.

4-Give her your jacket.

5-Kiss her slowly.

Are 你 remembering this?

6-Hug her.

7-Hold her.

8-Laugh with her.

9-Invite her somewhere.

10-Let her be with 你 when you're with your friends.

Keep reading...

11-Smile with her.

12-Take pics with her.

13-Pull her onto your lap.

14-When she says she loves 你 more, deny it. fight back.

15-When her 老友记 say i 爱情 her 更多 than you, deny it; fight back and hug her tight so she can't get...
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42 Things That Will Make Your Parents Go Crazy.

1. Follow them around the house everywhere...

2. Moo when they say your name...

3. Run into walls...

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...

6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...

7. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"...

8. Have 20 imaginary 老友记 that 你 talk to all the time...

9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...

10. Do what they actually tell you...

11. Jump off the roof, trying...
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No, I'm not racist I just found it on youtube.

If 你 want to check it out link

59. Goldstein
58. Burgenblatt
57. Burgenstein
56. Birumbaum
55. Farbstein
54. Grepslach
53. Steinbergavinski
52. Schnitzler
51. Pupikatvitz
50. Schnitzelmacher
49. Schpoilgekatz
48. Manashevitz
47. Platzenfinkle
46. Yankelovitz
45.Shteinshtein
44. Oyvayski
43. Shmoigerberg
42. Choppedleiberman
41.Zilbershpitzanhimelfarbenfleishebien
40.Gefiltafarb
39. Gefiltashlep
38. B'Bergberg
37. Yidihevitz
36. Synagogavitz
35. Parkenfien
34. LOL they forgot this one... :D
33. Kinkenberg
32. Menachemchem
31. Rechtum
30. Along with this one
29. Docotrlawyerstein...
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1.I like pie

2.Blue isn't blue until blue turns blue and when blue turns blue it's possibly blue and when blue turns blue, blue is orange.

3.My cat can fly. I taught him to the other day.

4.Dog 食物 is a beautiful thing to watch when 你 are eating!

5.BLACK HEAD!!!!!!!!

6.Butterfly fly away, because I'm your biggest fan, and I got a feeling that you'll shine on like the Moonstone high at the end of time.

7.Heeeeeeeloo!

8. My name is Cow. I like purple. My name is purple. I like cows. In the end, the odds come together and we get out alive.

9. I'M IN HELL WHENEVER I'M AROUND POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

10. Fartblossom!

11.Pip-pip cheerio! (In and English accent.)

12. Your face is disorted when 你 sleeeeeep.

13. Bye 说 Santa while eating Blitzen.
just got this while browsing the net

1.I was kidnapped 由 terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.

2.I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to my teacher's heavy workload.

3.A bunch of nerds 偷了 it to make sure theirs were completely perfect.

4.We ran out of toilet paper at my house last night, and my Dad isn't feeling so good. He grabbed it in a big rush and I haven't seen it since.

5.My mother took it to have it framed.

6.It was in my back pocket and a pickpocket 偷了 it.

7.I let somebody copy it but they never gave it back.

8.My mom's whooping cough vaccination...
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posted by IsabellaMCullen
I didn't make this, I just found it...


1.Stick your open palm under the stall 墙 and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3.Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4.Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5.Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6.Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7.Grunt and strain real loud for 30 秒 and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8.Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9.Say, "Humus....
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posted by slytherin360
found this on the net:

50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten 分钟 intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people 你 can get to 加入 in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department 由 sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins...
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added by shiriny
posted by Hinata-Snow
I got this from the joke app I have. Well, enjoy!

25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
2. 你 will never find anybody who can give 你 a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. People who feel the need to tell 你 that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling 你 that they have no sense of humor.
4. The most valuable function performed 由 the federal government is entertainment.
5. 你 should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests 你 think she's pregnant unless 你 can see an...
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Man: Where have 你 been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen 你 someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this 座位 empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if 你 sit down.

Man: Your place 或者 mine?
Woman: Both. 你 go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do 你 do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: 嘿 baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do 你 like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world...
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posted by rAsberrStrarS
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Lips-I 爱情 You
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Ear-You Are Special
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Nose-Laughter
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Cheek-Friendship
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Forehead-I Comfort You
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Neck-I Want You
吻乐队(Kiss) On The Shoulder-You Are Wonderful
吻乐队(Kiss) Anywhere Else-Be Careful
Play Around With Hair-Can't Live Without You
Holding Hands-Happiness
Arms Around Waist-You Are Mine,I Need You
A Hug-I Care
Nibble On Ear-Start Warming
Smiling At Each Other-I Like You
Lifting Eyebrows/Wink-Flirtation
Looking Around-Hiding True Feelings
Tender 吻乐队(Kiss) On The Side Of Your Lips-You're Mine
Wetting Your Lips-Waiting For A Kiss
Tear Drop-I'm Losing You
Crying-I 迷失 你
 Miku and Kaito
Miku and Kaito
20. Miku Hatsune and Kaito from "VOCALOID" I know it's kinda cheating because there voice synthesizers but there still animated in some of there 音乐 videos! There so cute together I had to put them on here.

19. Gakupo and Rin from "VOCALOID" I know I just did it again. But I 爱情 them 更多 then Kaito and Miku so they have to be on this too and besides the only other guy is her twin brother and I don't like incest.
 Gakupo and Rin
Gakupo and Rin

18. Ion and Esther from "Trinity Blood" Oh god I 爱情 these two they start out hating each other then become close 老友记 或者 maybe more...I'd like to think so....
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1. Q."Can I screw you?"
A.I would say: "No..."

2. Q/M."Would 你 mind if I read this?"*Holds up some porn magazine*
A. I would say: "I don't give a da**..."

3. Q/M. *Hugs 你 and takes a little something off 你 would like him not to*
A.I would slap him and say "Don't do that, da** it!"

4. Q. "Are 你 sure we can't f***?"
A. I would say: "If 你 say that agin...I swear I'm going to get ticked..."
5. Q. "That somehow arouses me..."
A. I would say:"Get aroused all 你 want, not like I care if 你 are 或者 aren't...As long as 你 don't jump around..."

6. Q. "I want to sign your shirt..."
A. I would say:...
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