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posted by simpleplan
There are many words i could use to describe how I feel about 你 right now. None of them are nice

To know me is to 爱情 me, to hurt me is to dig your own grave.

I want a tazer =)

Has gone to play in traffic.

Is breathing oxygen

I don't have anger issues...You have acceptance issues.

你 can 电子邮箱 your complaints to gofuckyourself@idontgiveashit.com

Is wondering if people are two-faced, does that mean 你 get to slap them twice?

Has new boxing gloves and a nasty temper, fancy your chances???

I like it when people give me a reason to nurture my dark side

SMOKING SAVES LIVES ... It stops me strangling the kids on a daily basis

Ever feel like stapling someones ear to their 台, 办公桌 and slam a sticky note on their head that says "Help me, my ear is stuck to the table"?

Lead me not into temptation... I have a damn good idea where to find it all ready!

If you're looking for the perfect woman, 你 have two options. Mother Teresa, 或者 Barbie... One of them is dead, sorry to hear 你 play with dolls.

Live like 你 were dying tomorrow, because if 你 keep annoying me, 你 might

Just a little case of mood poisoning... Must be something I hate.

When all else fails, grab a shovel and bury the bitch

Be the kind of women who gets up in the morning, puts her feet on the floor and makes the devil scream "OH NO!! THE 婊子, 子 IS AWAKE!!"

I DID NOT TRIP! The floor just looked like it REALLY needed a hug

Has a firm grip on reality *~* and is slowly CHOKING THE CRAP OUT OF IT!

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband
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Dear Teacher:

In just over a week, 你 will be my son's Grade 1 teacher. He is ever so excited to be under your tutelage. Why, since the last 日 of kindergarten, entering your class was all he could talk about. He gleefully thrust a piece of paper into my hand on that June afternoon, and said, "Here's a 列表 of the stuff I need for school 下一个 September!"

And I have to admit, I, too, was excited. I'm a school supplies geek from way back. And so, in early August, I set out to buy the items you'd listed.

It was on my fourth store that the realization began to sink in.

You're a crafty one, aren't...
continue reading...
1. Whenever 你 eat ice cream with a friend, start 唱歌 "DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE! DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE!"

2. If your 老友记 has a 金牌 fish, put bubble soap in its bowl/aquarium. Stir it into the water.

3. If 你 老友记 has a 金牌 fish, put goldfish crackers into its bowl/aquarium. When your 老友记 asks why, tell them the 鱼 were lonely.

4. When 写作 and e-mail to your friends, WriT lIKe DIs.

5. Introduce your friend and then say "She/he's the crazy one" <- credit 给 to CAITLYN_SU for that one

6. Sing The Song That Never Ends

7. When at their house, immediately open their fridge and eat whatever 你 like.

8. 显示 them this 列表 XD

If 你 have any 更多 ways, please write them in 评论 so I can use them in future articles.

<3 Emisa123
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