Narrator: 你 are entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster, 或者 some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.

Last Man: [Walks into library]

Narrator: As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

Last Man: Finally, solitude. I can read 图书 for all eternity! [drops his glasses] It's not fair, it's not fair! [calms down] Wait, my eyes aren't that bad; I can still read the large-print books. [reaches for a book, his eyes fall out] [hysterical] It's not f- [calms down] Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. [He screams as his hands fall off, his tongue then falls out before his head falls off.]

Narrator: Hey, look at that weird mirror..






Narrator: 你 are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic 或者 contains some kind of monster. The 秒 one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man 'round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Clyde Smith: [Smith is run over 由 a car, then awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins] Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven! [wins again]

Clyde Smith: A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in HELL!

Sebastian Cabot: No, Mr. Smith. 你 are not in heaven 或者 hell. 你 are on an airplane! [unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it]

Clyde Smith: There's a gremlin destroying the plane. 你 gotta believe me!

Sebastian Cabot: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! [Pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection indeed looks like Hitler]

Clyde Smith: No! [turns to a woman sitting 下一个 to him]

Clyde Smith: Eva Braun! Help me! [the woman pulls off a mask, revealing the head of a fly]

Clyde Smith: A-a-ah!







Narrator: You're on a scenic route through a state recreational area known as the human mind. 你 ask a pass-byer for directions, only to find he has no face 或者 something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. 你 swerve, narrowly avoiding The Scary Door.

Scientist: [A mad scientist is seen mixing chemicals] I have combined the DNA of the world's most evil 动物 to make the most evil creature of them all. [A pod opens flowing with clouds of steam]

Naked Man: [Steps out of pod] Turns out it's man!




Narrator: Imagine, if 你 will, a three 由 seven inch wooden frame - a frame that's a gateway to a world of imagination. Wipe your mind on the welcome mat. You're about to enter The Scary Door.

[A man is driving his car.]

Narrator: Meed Brad Thompson, a man on his way 首页 from a boring 日 at the office.

Brad: Man, I wish something exciting would happen...anything at all.

[A 火, 消防 truck appears behind him.]

Brad: What's this? A 火, 消防 truck is trying to pass me? To get to my neighbourhood? I'll bet my neighbour's house is on fire. I'd better speed up if I want to watch that.

[Brad speeds up, parks outside his neighbour's house and gets out of his car.]

Man: Oh... hi Brad, sorry to tell 你 but...you're on fire!

[And he's right. Brad's lower bit is on fire.]

Brad: Yaaargh!

[Brad burns to a skeleton, which collapses on the floor.]

Fireman: We tried to warn him that he was spontaneously combusting, but he drove away from us.

Narrator: Official cause of death, third degree burns...actual cause of death, first degree irony!








Narrator: Imagine if 你 will, an announcer 你 can barely understand, he refers to a [mutters], but you're not quite sure what he said. He seems to be eating something, 或者 perhaps he's a little drunk. It's remotely possible that he just 说 something about the Scary Door.

[A farm is shown. Suddenly, UFOs appear and start shooting everything. The military also suddenly appear to fight the aliens]

Private: It's all over! Our 枪 and bombs are useless against the aliens.

Farmer: The saucers! They's a-crashin'!

Narrator: In the end, it was not 枪 and bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of all God's creatures, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. [Tyrannosaurus Rex hits down an alien saucer.]




Narrator: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the 床, 床上 is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock, but it will open.. The Scary Door. 提交 for your Emmy consideration, a 流行的 senator with unpopular ideas.

Senator: There is no such thing as 太空 aliens.

Bum: Oh, how can 你 be so sure them aliens ain't already among us?

Senator: I'll tell 你 how..because 你 are one!







Narrator: Enclosed is a pdf attachment, a picture of yourself floating in the river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. It is floating down the eerie canal to...The Scary Door. (that's eerie with two es.)

[A scientist finishes wielding a robot.]

Narrator: Consider, if 你 have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zeus, an inventor with a terminal case of the lazies.

Daniel: This robot will do everything for me! Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

[The robot does so. Daniel lies back on a chair.]

Daniel: Ah!

[Later...]

Daniel: Next, assume my social obligations.

[The robot does so. Years later, the scientist is now old and an official enters.]

Official: Dr. Daniel Zeus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to...your robot!

[The official gives the robot a trophy. A boy then enters.]

Boy: Daddy, I 爱情 you!

[The boy turns away from the scientist and hugs the robot.]

Daniel: If only I'd programmed the robot to be 更多 careful what I wished for! Robot, experience this tragic irony for me!

[The robot buries his face in his hands. The boy backs away.]

Robot: [extendedly] No!

[Daniel pops open a 啤酒 and takes a sip.]

Daniel: Ah!





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thought I'd drop this off here..