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posted by FanFun1010
One day. I was sound a asleep in my bed, snuggled up to the covers dreaming. Then all of a sudden water got poured of my face and I jumped out the 床, 床上 half asleep like a maniac. All I could see was my brother standing with a red plastic cup in his hand. So I began to throw my fist at his face, yelling," WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!". Everyone could hear my voice 7 miles away, but no one gave a damn. Later in the afternoon My mom yelled at me and 说 "You need to get yo "A" and two double snakes to the store and buy some milk,eggs,flour and 苹果 juice.I thought" what in mother's name can 你 make with milk,eggs,flour, and 苹果 juice. My mom was a really good cook. She can turn 牛奶 into cheese without using giant machines and all that. I put on my long puffy red 涂层, 外套 with my bag hanging off one shoulder. I stepped outside to smell the cold air. Then i walked a fourth of a mile to the bus stop. The bus arrived and I got on. I remember this lady had seemed to be staring at me. It was creepy. She had a lazy eye, used a cane, her hair was as white as snow. She sat right behind me. Then she starts to scream at my back pack saying "I WILL KILL 你 MUTHERF***ER!".She kept yelling at my bag like it did something to her. So I told her " Stop yelling at my bag, old lady!!". Then she got up stood in my face. I was so scared, but I couldn't help staring at her yellow teeth. One of her teeth was missing." WHAT THE HELL DID 你 SAY TO ME!?! The us driver stepped in and 说 " GET OFF MY BUS!!!". "Who?" I said. THE BOTH OF YOU!!!! After that i ended up walking a mile to the store. and about half a mile back. At the end of the 日 I always say "God, I hate my life".
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Source: 谷歌
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posted by ThatDarnHippo
Dear Noah, We could've sworn 你 说 the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.

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Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.

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The guy who puts down 狗 at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do 你 do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."

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Do 你 know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.

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The worst time to have a 心 attack is during a game of charades.

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You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.

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"Want to play the rape game?"...
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posted by nessienjake
Haha I read this (from my email)
And I thought of sharing it with 你 guys :D


...


Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!


1. We got off the 泰坦尼克号 first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character 或者 the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxi's stop...
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