The Encyclopedia of Immaturity
Passage Number 1
A Quick Reference: Homework Excuses -
Sometimes 你 just can't seem to remember why it is 你 didn't do your homework last night. If that's your problem, here's your answer.
1. I sprained my brain. The doctor says no heavy thinking for a week
2. I have a rare paper allergy
3. Why should I do homework when the universe is winding down and the sun will explode in 50 billion years?
4.Excuse me? I don't speak English. But thank 你 for asking. One 日 I hope to learn your language. In the meantime I'm just faking it.
5. I finished my homework in my head. Why write it down and waste a tree?
6. I have decided to 提交 last night's homework to a major broadcastor for a 电视 sitcom pilot. In the meantime my agent tells me that I can't 显示 it to anyone else.
Passage Number 2
Helpful Homework Hints: The universal book report
Sometimes in our busy lives we occasionally get stuck having to write a book 报道 about whose details we don't entirely remember. That used to be a problem. Now, all 你 have to do is copy the universal book 报道 and fill in the blanks where it says! Life just got simpler!
After 阅读 [Book Title] 由 [Author's Name] I am full of thoughts. Never before have I thought the thoughts I am now thinking. And the feelings I am feeling are surely a result of those thoughts.
The lead character in [Book Title] was, I truly believe, the most important person. At the beginning of the book we did not know him/her very well. Later on, of course, many difficult things hapen and he/she changes. Near the end of the book, towards the back, the problems are fixed and things work out, 更多 或者 less. I was so relieved! In conclusion, I think we all learned and important lesson! I know I Certainly did!
Thank You
The End.
Passage Number 3
News 你 Can Use
Supreme Court Rules Homework Unconstitutional
9-0 Unanimous Vote
Washington - The Supreme Court handed down a historic decision today in a case that has been closely watched 由 educaters and students alike. The issue was the constitutionality of homework. The specific case( Wilber B. Everykid v. U.S. Board of Education)pitted Everykid, who acted as his own lawyer, against a team of highly trained proffesional governement attorneys.
"When truth and justice are on your side," 说 Everykid, "who needs a fancy degree?"
The justice ruled that homework violates the 8th Ammendment (cruel and unusual punishment) the 9th Amendment (governement intrusion) and the 18rh ammendment guarenteeing "television without distraction"
Te new ruling takes effect immediatly and renders all outstanding assignments null and void. As for past homework, teachers will be expected to compensate students 由 paying them "a meaningful ammount."
Song: link
Man 34: *Driving a silver Malibu. He honks his horn twice as pedestrians trying to 交叉, 十字架 the street*
Ian: *Pulling a freight train*
Man 34: *Gets a text on his phone, and puts the phone on his steering wheel. He increases his speed, going over the of 45*
Sean: *Pulling a passenger train*
The two engines were heading for a railroad crossing. So was the man texting while driving.
Man 34: *Turns right, driving on the train tracks*
Sean: *Blows his horn twice*
Man 34: What the? *Looks in front of him* How did I get on the train tracks?!
Sean: *Goes up into the air with his whole train,...
