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posted by black_magics
1.The 'poke' button on 脸谱 is awesome...
But I think there should be a 'stab' button...

2.was riding a horse yesterday and fell off. I almost got killed! THANK GOODNESS
the Walmart greeter saw what happened and came over and unplugged it.

3. anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never
tried to staple jello to a tree.

4.Text someone and tell them "Hey, I 迷失 my phone, can 你 call it?"
and see how many people call it

5. 3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape,
and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!

6.don't 你 hate it when you're texting and laying on your back and
your phone decides to be a ninja, slips through your fingers, and attacks your face!

7.Robin 兜帽, 罩, 发动机罩 was a thief, Mario gets high off of Mushrooms, Snow White lived with 7 men,
Sleeping Beauty always slept in, and our parents wonder why WE are bad!

8. In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Grim Reaper costume
to my funeral and doesn't say a word

9."You know you're too drunk to drive when 你 swerve to miss a tree,
and then realize it was just your air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror."

10.Dares 你 to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell
"like a good neighbor statefarm is there!"

11.My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity
,I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it

12.Pshhhh I did not fall... The floor looked at me funny
so I used my mad ninja skills to attack

13.My new word for the 日 is FOCUS,
when someone irritates 你 tell them 2 FOCUS (F*** Off Cuz Ur Stupid)

14. Just remember, everything happens for a reason.
So when I 拍击, smack, 味道 你 upside the head, remember... I had a reason!

15.Have 你 ever started laughing for no reason
, then started laughing even harder because 你 were laughing for no reason?
I 爱情 those moments.

16.Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas".
The computer told me "ninjas cannot be found"
Well played, ninjas, well played

17.What the voices in my head tell me to do
would get me arrested in all 50 states and 26 countries

18.Stalking is such a strong word
~ I prefer to think of it 更多 as 'intense research' on one individual
~ 由 the way, your missing 袜子 is under your bed, with me

19.i think my guardian 天使 is bipolar

20. WARNING: I have officially been left unsupervised.
I take no responsibility for what may happen in the 下一个 few hours.

21.I didn't trip,
I... I was... uh... just... uh... checking the gravity!
Yeah! Just so 你 know, it's all good, it still works.

22. I dare someone to kidnap me
..as soon as my meds wear off..they'll pay me to leave!

23.i wonder if its bad when I'm talking to myself
and I'm not even listening

24. I'm going out to look for myself,
if 你 see me before i return,
please tell myself to call me so i know where i am.

25.I know what your doing,I'm watching u do this,
if your wondering what your doing i would know,wanna know what your doing?
你 阅读 my status 你 stalker!

26.This 年 I'm using big words to sound smart...
Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence.

27.Y'know those signs 你 see in towns that say,
"Drive careful, we 爱情 our children".
DUH, you're not gonna see a sign that says, "GUN IT, WE'LL MAKE MORE!"

28. No officer, I did not hit her, I simply Fist Pumped her face!

29. I like throwing Skittles at people and shouting TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
but it's 更多 fun to throw tacos at people yelling '
THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN!!

30.I 爱情 to stand in line at ATM machines,
and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away

31. Like a weird neighbor, stalkers are there!

32.Some people were dropped as a baby
. 你 were clearly thrown at a wall. Then feed a bottle of wacko-o juice!

33.Do 你 ever find yourself really bored so 你 go on 脸谱
yet 你 find that there is nothing to do except refresh the page until something new pops up?

34.OK think of a number. Add 12 to the number. Subtract 2. Divide that number 由 5. Add 20. Did 你 get 12? Neither did I.
I just wanted to see if 你 would do it!

35. im going to get a job at walmart as a greeter
and my words of welcome will be "Welcome to freaking walmart! Get ur sh*t and get the hell out!!"

36.Brunette:When I grow up, I'LL GO TO MARS.
Blondie:When I grow up I'LL GO TO THE SUN.
Brunette:But 你 will burn!
Blondie:Don't be stupid, I'll go at night

37.If somebody throws skittles at me and yells "TASTE THE RAINBOW",
I'm gonna throw a 2 liter bottle of Dr.Pepper and yell "TRUST ME I'M THE DOCTOR

38.a few days 以前 I very sternly told the voices in my head to stop talking to me.
Now they are sending me txt mgs say that they r sorry and want to get back2gethr

39.things to do at Walmart: hide behind teddy bears and make evil laughing noises when little kids come by

40.Ever feel like beating someone with a baseball bat to the point of almost unconsciousness, then setting them on fire? No? Just me?

41. I'm not crazy.. don't 你 judge me! Your just jealous cause i get texts from the flying gummy bears and 你 don't!

42.i saw a flying cow yesterday. it was purple and i named him Phillip...i wish the dancing unicorn had seen him but she was too busy laughing at Steve the snake

43. i was sitting there when i got attacked 由 the purple hedgehogs, neon dragons, and glow-in-the-dark leprechauns that kid-napped the unicorn and 草莓 king

44.I have decided to stop pretending and just be that ninja with the magical penguins and 恐龙 and 独角兽 that everyone KNOWS I am.

45.Have 你 ever tried walking into Walmart and yelling red robin! and seeing how many people say YUM red robin, red robin, come on just say yum!

46. Things to do at Walmart #365: bring 或者 take a tent, set it up in a camping supplies corner, and camp out for the weekend until they kick 你 out!

47.After watching CSI, Cold case, Law & Order, and all those other educational shows, I'm 99% sure I can make sure nobody notices 你 missing. Just saying...

48.I like to call it doing the world a favor. Homicide is just the technical term

49. i think there's something wrong with my guardian angel.
her wings are black and she's sitting with the devil and laughing hysterically at everything and everyone

50.I got a special care pkg. in the mail. It had duct tape, a meat tenderizer,
a hole 冲床 and a note saying " don't get caught"! (sigh) I 爱情 my friends!

51.I find myself meeting people who give me the honor of thinking up new words... Dipshidiot! (dip-shid-iot)

52.backwards this read 你 making am i why exactly is that, never? 你 to nice been ever I have when since (now read it backwards)

53.What happens in an exam : Tik tok , Mind block , Pen stop , Eye pop , Full shock , Jaw drop , Time up , No Luck

54. O I dare 你 to walk up to any officer and say:
I didnt do it I didnt kill her, the assassination wasnt part of the plan.' Then run fast! I bet they'll chase u

55.I'm bored & in need of some adventure. I say we get drunk, get stupid, get a stick, go poke something with teeth and see if we can outrun it.

56.Why do people always think my 老友记 and I are high? WE'RE NOT ON DRUGS! We're just crazy, and loud, and random, and scooby doo (but that's a different story)

57. Smile people will wonder what your up to.But grin like crazy and they will want to know what the hell 你 just did

58.Isn't it funny how everyone thinks they are the normal one in their family?

59.For Sale! One used alarm clock. damn thing rings when I am trying to sleep.

60. im on my way to Walmart to take the "try me" stickers off the noise making toys and stick them on condom boxes.
#5: BRIAN JEREMY:
He has a pretty childish way of agreeing on everything Billy says and does, and once imitated Johnny in a pretty immature way. He's willing to lie, 吻乐队(Kiss) ass, and stab people in the back if it means saving his own skin. And even if 你 spare him, he later tries to kill 你 anyway..


#4: JASON MICHAELS:
Yes Jason, keep fucking a Russian Mobster's daughter, and stealing man's expensive vodka. Clearly nothing bad is gonna come from that. Especially when your fully aware of how angry it's making him..


#3: ASHLEY BUTLER:
Her addiction means she'll sleep with anyone to get the 下一个 fix,...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog

An Imperial landing craft was leaving Coruscant. However, no Imperials were inside. It was only two men from the Republic.

Republic Pilot: *Looking at the clear sky. No other ships are seen as they are out of Coruscant*
Colonel Turner: *Walks up, and sits 下一个 to the pilot* Thirty five minutes. Can we make it?
Republic Pilot: We can make it. Will your 老友记 make it?
Colonel Turner: Let's hope so.

Song: link

John made it back to the shed with Morris, Mary, and Cartwright where Heidi was waiting in the speeder bus.

Heidi: *Puts up a jammer, and turns it on*
John: *Starts the speeder bus,...
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posted by TheLefteris24
 Praise Kek!
Praise Kek!
Heed those words Mortals and set yourselves free!

There is no peace, there is PEPE
There is no fear, there is Shadilay(Peace be upon him).
There is no death, there is God Emperor.
There is no weakness, there is the MEMES.

I am the 心 of darkness.
I know no fear.
But rather I instil it in my enemies.
I am the destroyer of worlds.
I know the power of the MEMES.
I am the 火, 消防 of hate.

All the universe bows before kek.
I pledge myself to kek.
For I have found true life In the death of SocJus.

Peace is a lie, there is only Kek.
Through passion, I gain salt.
Through Shadilay(Peace be upon him), I gain power.
Through power, I gain Lulz.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The MEMES shall set me free.

Preached 由 the Enlightened Prophet known as ''The Turbo Syncretist''. The truth has been spoken! Know
T
h
e

C
o
d
e

o
f

K
e
K

Praise Kek !!!!
 KEK WILLS IT!
KEK WILLS IT!
It all started back in November of 2013 - I finally received a new cellphone, a Nokia Lumina 520, and along with it, I finally got my own 电子邮箱 account and password.
While it was nice having those, I didn't really use them, not even to make a 脸谱 account. However, in 圣诞节 of that year, while watching some YouTube videos, it suddenly dawned on me: I could use the 电子邮箱 and 密码 to create my own 谷歌 account and 评论 on YouTube videos. I liked 阅读 other people's 评论 (When they were not rude.) and I wanted to do it, myself.
After creating my 谷歌 account, I immediately...
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posted by twinklestar11
My 最喜爱的 singer/raper is Bars and Melody. They began singing/rapping July 2014. At that time I had no idea who they were till 2016. People don't like them, but i dont know why. Maybe cuz those people dont like rapping 或者 listening to young kid bands. They rapper is Leondre who started rapping when he was 13. People say it was 14, but the Bars and Melody song was relased in July and Leondre's birthday is in October so he was accully 13 when he started. The singer is Charlie. Charlie was 唱歌 when he was 15. His birthday is also in October. They are no longer 13 and 15. Leondre is now 16...
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 Episode 3 has arrived!
Episode 3 has arrived!
Welcome back again mates! In case 你 missed the first episode, here's a quick recap of what this 文章 series is all about.

In the first episode, the debut of this show, I thought up five crazy and 随意 scenarios that I thought would make for entertainingly cringy headlines for Newspapers and/or YouTube videos, and asked 你 all for ideas in the 评论 section below! That's also how this 显示 has been running since Episode 2, so if 你 like this series, then don't forget to 粉丝 and leave a 评论 below on what 你 guys and gals want me to create in the 下一个 episode!

And with that being...
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Hi YouTube fans. There are several interesting shows on YouTube and several of aren't really well known. The following 5 channels are made 由 very nice and talented people. I highly recommend checking out these channels.

5. Doodletones

Doodletones is a member of the Commentary Community. She's a very talented commentator who knows how to be both informative and entertaining. She makes 视频 frequently so 你 don't have to worry about running out of 视频 to watch.

4. FutureGohanSSJ2

FutureGohanSSJ2 is a cartoon lover. He has plenty of 视频 where he talks about cartoon relater merchandise...
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Picture this. You're a newspaper boy in the 1880's and your headlines just don't seem to be selling as well as they used to. Therefore, your company decides to change things up and start lying just a LITTLE bit.

...Well, at least of your definition of lying a LITTLE bit is completely changing the 标题 of your papers to something amusing and spreading misinformation just to rake in 更多 cash from the public. And mine is!

So today, people. We're going to go dive headfirst into the world of clickbait. But first and foremost, the most important 问题 of them all.

What exactly IS clickbait?

Basically...
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How do I become sarcastic?
"I'm the 皇后乐队 of sarcasm, 你 don't just suddenly become sarcastic, it takes practice"


My house is on fire, what do I do?
"You get off the fuckin computer and go outside!"


My brother hasn't had his period:
"Yeah. It takes longer for boys"


What's an appropriate site for a 13 年 old girl?
"Try Porn-Hub"


Can 你 get pregnant from watching porn?
"Only on wednesdays"


Every time I drink alcohol I feel sad.
"Your not drinking ENOUGH of of it!"


I was having sex with my sister and got a cramp in my leg.
"YOU HAD SEX WITH YOUR SISTER!?"


Why are 婴儿 ugly at first?
"How about you...
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added by Mollymolata
added by shaneoohmac13
So I wrote this because I have no life and I would like to have one. And if you're like me, welcome. While I teach 你 what to do in your spare time (or all the time, if you, like me, have no life), I'll be teaching myself, too. So really, I'm killing two birds with one stone here. Yay.

TEN THINGS TO DO IF 你 HAVE NO LIFE

1. Get a life

It's exactly what it means.

2. Get another life

This doesn't make sense but if 你 have no life, 你 know it does.

3. Eat Ben and Jerry's

Because, why not?

4. Don't do your homework

Because if 你 do it, you'll have a life. And if 你 have a life, then 你 wouldn't...
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#1: TITANIC:
Jon: What sorrow, I feel for these characters.. Red haired lady.. Old ladies.. Currently DROWNING human.. And 101 don-..
One hundred and what!?.. One hundred and what now!?…. (camera zooms in on the dog) BONGO!? IS THAT YOU!?

#2: ARE 你 AFRIED OF THE DARK:
Man in movie: (two the little kids he locked in his house) Just answer this riddle. Than I'll let 你 go free.
Jon:TWO KIDS ARE GONNA DIE TONIGHT!!

#3: GOOSEBUMPS:
Jerry: Oh man, 你 and your dumb hobbies!
JonTron: Yeah, fuck 你 for being interested in things, 你 stupid bitch!

#4: TITANIC:
Jon: Wait, it's just a legend? It's just...
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posted by Canada24
#1:
Critic: So our story begins when they spot two children who, 你 guessed it, stopped caring.
Friend Bear: Hi. I'm Friend Bear, and this is Secret Bear. We're Care Bears. (both stand up and pose)
Jason: (in disgusted tone) What do 你 want?
Friend Bear: Only to be your friends.
NC (vo): Actually, I always wondered what counted as quote/unquote "Caring." I mean, if I'm ordering a 比萨, 比萨饼 with a friend, is it like...
[Cuts to skit with two NCs talking to each other]
NC 1: Hey, what kind of toppings 你 want?
NC 2: Eh, I don't care. (In panicked tone) No, no, wait! I didn't mea- (sparkling effects sound...
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(Let's get this out of the way right now. If you're taking this 文章 even remotely seriously, then 你 probably aren't as smart as 你 think 你 are. Enjoy! XD)

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul." -Elder Uchtdorf

The desire to create actual GOOD content though is a completely different story, it'd seem. So get out'cher popcorn, soda, and whatever the hell else humanity gives people nowadays, because I'm about to teach your pathetic lowlifes how to make a good 潮流粉丝俱乐部 article! ^_^

(Safety Not Guaranteed o_O)

First off, 你 need to think of a good title. Y'know,...
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Welcome to my complete character index! Basically, over the years I've made up a lot of either my own characters, 或者 added existing ones from shows and whatnot for the sake of entertainment and imagination.

And in this one, you'll see all of them from A-Z, as well as their history. So without further ado, let's get this night off right!

AnimuLuvr21


First Appearance: A 日 In The Life Of A 潮流粉丝俱乐部 User


(The character above is Konata Izumi from Lucky Star)

A character I made in one of my skit articles, and I do plan on using her in 更多 articles, as long as the context fits well.

Personality is...
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posted by TheMagicLoki
Unfortunately, I have been caught up in other issues for the past week and there is thus no new 龟, 海龟 三明治 this week. But I am 写作 this to establish many things, seeing as although I didn't have much "doing stuff" time, I had plenty of time to think.

1. Despite delays individual to this week, I will have time in the future to make this work on a weekly basis, and so it will stay that way.
2. I have thought 更多 about how video games would work with this, and decided that they actually wouldn't.
3. Between 电影院 and TV shows, I want there to be some schedule for the order of them. But I also realize that I watch 电影院 far 更多 often than entire seasons of TV shows, and that a lot of people are probably the same on that. Therefore, for every month, I will select the last Tuesday to be for TV shows, and the rest will be movies.

I am sorry for failing this city (or whatever city 你 might live in) this week, but I will attempt to make 更多 time for this in the future.
I've been meaning to do this for a while. This is a countdown, meaning that number one is the best. Also, this is just my personal opinion so keep your rude 评论 to yourself. I hope 你 like it and please tell me what 你 think.
 10. Gilda Radner. A talented lady.
10. Gilda Radner. A talented lady.
 9. Maia Morgenstern. Mother of 耶稣 in Passion of the Christ.
9. Maia Morgenstern. Mother of Jesus in Passion of the Christ.
 8. Robert Shaw. Ole Quint.
8. Robert Shaw. Ole Quint.
 7. Divine. 爱情 him 或者 hate him, you've got to admire his guts.
7. Divine. Love him or hate him, you've got to admire his guts.
 6. Natalie Wood. Soooo pretty! I've got a crush on her.
6. Natalie Wood. Soooo pretty! I've got a crush on her.
 5. Lionel Barrymore. A wonderful actor.
5. Lionel Barrymore. A wonderful actor.
 4. Sharon Tate. What a woman! My ultimate girl crush.
4. Sharon Tate. What a woman! My ultimate girl crush.
 3. 费雷德 Rogers. Big part of my childhood.
3. Fred Rogers. Big part of my childhood.
 2. G.W. Bailey. Aww, 爱情 this guy!
2. G.W. Bailey. Aww, love this guy!
 1. Sal Mineo. Oh my gosh, I 爱情 爱情 爱情 this man! The first time I saw him was on ‘Escape from the Planet of the Apes’. I’ve been in 爱情 with him for many years. He's the stuff dreams are made of.
1. Sal Mineo. Oh my gosh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this man! The first time I saw him was on ‘Escape from the Planet of the Apes’. I’ve been in love with him for many years. He's the stuff dreams are made of.