Insane4ever Btw thanks for reading.....if you did read....

Sappp First: anything I say is said with best intentions. I do not mean to hurt you, only help you improve your writing. ... is not something to use a lot in stories. Try to avoid it as it looks really ugly. I think this story would be better in first person view. This person does not know who he is: let us share his doubts, thoughts and discoveries with him. The first paragraph is kind of weird. First you say the guy is death, then you get back on that. 'story will be following that guy' is a really weird thing to say, we are 'watching' this guy waking up, we know it is about him. I think it would be better to start with the guy waking up and him discovering exactly in what kind of position he is. Then you have less telling, more showing and we know something about the character. You're also a little redundant. 'that [b]misterious[/b] guy that is [b]misteriously[/b] laying in the middle of the desert....' 'for [b]anything[/b],but no with all the hope he still sees nothing.he starts walking in a random direction looking for [b]anything[/b]' Try to avoid using the same word a lot, especially in the same sentence or really close to the other word. Just try to put it in other words (using your own words, not a thesaurus) Also, you're spelling is really horrible. Try to find a good spellchecker and maybe a beta reader (a friend or someone on the internet who proofread your stories before you post them). The idea of the story sounds nice but you need to improve a lot. Just practise! Everyone has to start somewhere, so don't be discouraged by my remarks and try again! Good luck.

Insane4ever Thanks....il be sure 2 improve......see what you think about 2nd part???i need a little help there 2......and those parts like his death.....its like theres a guy talking about him,who doesnt know it....he finds out at the same time as you.....i am trying 2 make it wierd intentionaly......thats kinda like my passion

Insane4ever Oh and at 3rd part il try and make it first person....his point of view.....thnx again n the .... Part i use just becouse i can,im not trying to publish this.im trying 2 have fun while thinking of it n writteing it,im makeing the story while im typing it here....trying to have fun

ScottishChic I'll be honest but please don't be offended. The idea sounds great and something that I could really get into but this just seems a little cliche (if that's the right word). It's very quick, you know. And a little jumpy, try a little more description, like the blinding sun or something. So it's not like, BAM, BAM, BAM! It's just not the kind of thing that I'm onto (but that's just a personal preference, others may disagree) I think the "BAM BAM BAM" thing only really works if it's a tense, or fight scene kind of thing. I would try and add in a little more feeling, I mean this guy just woke up in the middle of the desert, he'd be confused as to how he got there then he realises he doesn't know who he is, he'd be terrified you know, that kind of thing. I agree with Sappp, you're a little repetitive, so try a thesaurus, or don't make it so simplistic: this is just a quick example: 'for anything,but no with all the hope he still sees nothing.he starts walking in a random direction looking for anything' try "for anything... he begins to walk in some direction, North, South, East, West, they made no sense to him, he was looking for something, something that could bring hope back to him, hope that he might one day, understand what and who he is.' Really cheesy, but you get the idea, right? Try to avoid repeating "mysterious", too. It just sounds like you're trying too hard to make him original. Just try a different adjective. Make sense? I also agree with Sappp that the rrative isn't very effective. Just calling him "the guy" doesn't really want to make me read on (I don't mean to sound rude, I'm just trying to imagine if I were reading this as a book), I think you should change it to I so we can feel more involved. But keep at it! Practice makes perfect!!! And I am actually very interested to see what else happens!!!!

Insane4ever But you see.....he doesnt know his name,how can i call him if he has no name......yet.....n he is not a normal kind of guy....he is not that confused n isnt panicing he is trying to stay calm and sane as posible more

ScottishChic No, I'm not saying you tell us his name. I'm saying don't call him "guy", you're saying he's mysterious, so try calling him stranger or something. Or, he could give HIMSELF a name until he figured out who he really is, or you could call him "John Doe", like what you call someone when you don't know their name. But just "the guy" is not effective at all. And although he IS trying to be calm and sane, really think about it, put yourself in his shoes: you just woke up in the middle of the desert, with no idea how you got there, no idea why you're there, no idea who you are... you don't think you would be freaking out? Even if you weren't trying to show it, underneath, you would be freaking out, through a small voice in the back of your head or your consciousness, would you not? Honestly, I think anyone would be freaking out in that situation.

Insane4ever I said he is not ordinery,not like everyone else.......get it.....