TFiOS | hazel & augustus

Okay so at this moment in time I have so many stories In my head and I'm wondering which ones I should keep going right now.

Choices:

Miles OF Miles Apart..

March 19, 2011
Age 13

From the moment your born somewhere out there 你 have a true love, There’s someone who is your soul mate. At less that’s what they say? They say there’s one person who has the same 心 strings as 你 and they complete you. And there’s nothing that can keep 你 apart from one another, and one 日 you’ll meet. Some people don’t end up with there one true 爱情 或者 don’t see them. But what if my one true...

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Been a fool, been a clown
Lost my way from up and down
And I know, yes, I know
And I see in your eyes that 你 really weren't surprised at me
At all
Not at all
And I know 由 your smile
It's you

Don't care for me
Don't cry, let's say goodbye
Adieu
It's time to say goodbye
I know that in time
It will just fade away
It's time to say goodbye

I stand alone
And watch 你 fade away like clouds
High up and in the sky
I'm strong and so cold
As I stand alone
Goodbye, so long
Adieu

Oh, how I 爱情 你 so
Lost in those memories
And now you've gone
I feel the pain
Feeling like a fool
Adieu

My 爱情 for 你 burns...

They call me no name.
Because i haven't got one.
Nor a family 或者 a friend
Not even a house
I am truly alone.
How can I be born with out,,
Well Life.
I cry myself to sleep each night.
But it's impossible for people to see me crying if I'm in the rain
I don't know what 爱情 is
I don't know what care is.
I don't know who i am either,
If i did know what 爱情 was i would be accepted.
Not here. Not there, No where.
I don't know anything,
And i have never seen another human see me,
But i feel them.
I feel them here.
Watching me, but most of all, on the inside, there souls haunt me and kill me. Slowly, with...

Water Springs High:

*The new summer breeze rolled through the doors as the beautiful 流行的 girls burst through the hallway. Cat walking to class as the leader,Alice,hit the 图书 out of a girl's hands and smiled so wide like if innocent*
Girl: *watches them go and picks her 图书 up,pulling a strand of her curly hair back and slides her glasses to her eyes as she walks to class. Three girls stop her and its obvious that their 老友记 *
1 girl: Melody, 你 gotta 拍击, smack, 味道 that 芭比娃娃 across the face like what she did to your books!
2 girl: Two wrongs don't make a damn right.
3 girl: Ashley! You...

Alone:
I feel like I’m in a prison. And there’s no way to get out. I turn around see myself alone. {Alone, alone, alone, alone…}
    No one! No one to talk with. No one to laugh with. No one’s shoulder to cry on with. Because I’m alone. {I’m alone.} My respect is replaced 由 my jealousy. I don’t seem to have heart… any more. Because I’m alone. {I’m just a loner.} 51
My feelings are hurting. My body is cold. I am stiff. My mouth is burning. I don’t have enough words to explain all the feelings I’m having. Please someone tell me, that I’m okay then...

“When you’re born a lover
You’re born to suffer
Like all soul sisters
And soul brothers”

I don;t know what it means?
But it's beautiful..


If 你 could read my mind you'd all be in tears
That's why I write it down for 你 all to hear
Not that I want to see 你 cry
But for 你 to know your not alone and the words 你 say hurt..

There was a time where I thought I was past. all of this.
Past the cutting.
Past the hate.
Past the crying.
Past the pain.
Past the suicide thoughts
But then.
BAM!
It hit me once again like a bag of bricks...

They say..
So Young, So Damaged..

That's what I am..

I say..
How do 你 run...

Once there was a little girl, was always happy and smiled and made others smile...

She helped people and did whatever she could to help. Little did anyone know 由 age 10 she'd begin to feel all alone, and feel like her 老友记 hate her...
And think she was ugly because of her glasses.

由 age 12 she would begin thinking about bad thoughts and thinking about doing bad things.
She would think about dying and what it would feel like to die.
And how she would die.
She began to become depressed and sad all the time.

By 13 she would become suicidal, and try to kill herself 5 times.
She would think she...

I look back at my life, and I see a girl who I wish I wasn't...
A girl who's fucked up a lot
And has done stupid things
Who is depressed
And cuts
Who's swallowed pills
And swallowed the bleach
Or made herself throw up..
A girl who was always smiling
But I guess she got good at faking?

The world around this girl thinks she's happy and has a great life..
If only they knew the real her..

If only they could see through that fake smile of hers
Or see the scars that line her wrist legs and hips
Because a smile can hide so much..

I feel as if theres something inside me picking at me wanting to be free...
Picking...

I smile.. I cry.. I lie..

~I SMILE~

I smile, even if people abandon me
I smile, when my friend confessed he liked me… maybe…
I smile, when my 心 broke as he 说 he forgot me
I smile, when I’m in tears
I smile, no matter how much pain I’m in
I smile, through times when it is tough
I smile, when my 老友记 hurt me
I smile, despite the hurt
I smile, when people withdraw their trust on me
I smile, like I’m the happiest girl in the world when I’m not
I smile, whenever my world crashes around me
I smile, to those who ask, “Are 你 okay?”
I smile, just for the sake of it
I smile, but sometimes...

Little things about me...


I've been 写作 a story at school, this girl has been 阅读 it.

She wonders where I got the idea from, I tell her it's just fiction,

I can't bring myself to tell her thats it's really how I view the world since everyone thinks I'm the super happy smiling girl.

No one knows my world is dark.


~~~

This week we had an anti-bullying activity at school

We have to 交叉, 十字架 a line when something applies to you.

"Please 交叉, 十字架 the line if 你 feel lonely."

No one in my class did, but I know one person who almost did.

Until she saw nobody else did.

I should have crossed that line.

~~~


I...

Okay it's time to..Vent...



I grab a 刀 and some pills to try to ease the pain, but each it feels harder and harder to keep up and stay smiling. I wrote a poem with some beauty and some vision to it bottom line it my expend your mind if 你 read it closely. To much shine can dull the soul if your feel how I feel then I'll write some more...

How can the world be so mean to me when I did nothing to be in this darkness I now call life? I get a little honest and I ask myself, if the time came would 你 save me if I asked for help? I normally send my mind out to the outer most to get away from this...

Still I Rise



你 may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are 你 beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did 你 want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened 由 my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't 你 take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got 金牌 mines
Diggin' in...

This for anyone out there who knows what pain truly feels like...This is for you..

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Here's my story and feelings...

Each 日 I always put on a smile
No matter what
I always smile

And the reason why I always smile is because when I was little my mom always used to say to me, to be strong and 显示 your not in pain and suck it up.

Each 日 I always hold everything in
But when I get home
And I'm all alone
I burst into tears

Each 日 I feel so alone
I feel as if I'm losing my 老友记
Which I am

I've cut
I've swallowed the pills
I've drinked
I've force myself not to eat

But...