okay, here is the 下一个 one. its short, im sorry ive got exams but i couldn't leave 你 with nothing.
I reached out to gently brush her pouting bottom lip.
“Bella, 你 seem to be under a misapprehension.” I couldn’t believe she didn’t understand. I suppose she wouldn’t if she thought I didn’t want her. I closed my eyes, shaking my head back and forth, a slight smile on my lips. How to make her see?
“I thought I’d explained it clearly before. Bella,” just speaking her name brought me so much pleasure. “I can’t live in a world where 你 don’t exist.”
The frown on her face became deeper. “I am...” she searched for a word. “confused.” She finished. How could she believe my lies and not the truth? Why couldn’t she see how much I loved her, needed her?
I stared 更多 deeply into her eyes. “I’m a good liar, Bella, I have to be.”
As soon as I spoke the words her whole body froze, all her muscles tightly held in place and her breathing stopped. I ran back over my words and realised what she must have heard in them. I shook her shoulder, trying to loosen her rigid pose.
“Let me finish!” I spoke with a bit 更多 volume. “I’m a good liar but still, for 你 to believe me so quickly.” I winced, memories of that night coming back to me. “That was... excruciating.” I knew I had to explain in 更多 detail, as hard as it was. I knew I did because Bella remained frozen, her breathing shallow. “When we were in the forest, when I was telling 你 goodbye—” I tried not to remember, but the moment played back in my head like a colour movie, each agonizing 秒 played with perfect clarity. “You weren’t going to let go.” I whispered. “I could see that. I didn’t want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn’t convince 你 that I didn’t 爱情 你 anymore, it would just take 你 that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if 你 thought I’d moved on, so would you.”
“A clean break.” She whispered through her stiff lips, her eyes filled with pain.
“Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be 下一个 to impossible—that 你 would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn’t protect 你 from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn’t work. I'm sorry.” I could never apologise enough.
“But how could 你 believe me?” I went on, incredulous. “After all the thousand times I’ve told 你 I 爱情 you, how could 你 let one word break your faith in me?” Bella looked up at me, her eyes wide and shocked. All the things I had thought through when she was sleeping came flowing out of my mouth and I was unable to stop them. It was almost as if I needed her to know what I was thinking.
“I could see it in your eyes, that 你 honestly believed that I didn’t want 你 anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!”
I expected Bella to say something, but her features will still locked in their 《冰雪奇缘》 state, incomprehension clear in her eyes. She still didn’t get it. Maybe she needed time?
I shook her again, gently, but her teeth still rattled together.
“Bella,” I sighed. How I loved to say her name. “Really, what were 你 thinking!”
And then she started crying, tears running down her cheeks. What had I done now?
“I knew it.” She sobbed. “I knew I was dreaming.”
What? Was I really that unbelievable? How could she believe my imperfect lies so easily yet completely dismiss the truth?
“Your impossible,” I 说 then laughed without humour. I was too frustrated to feel humour at the moment. I needed to explain to her I loved her without loopholes, but how?
“How can I put this so that you’ll believe me? You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here and I 爱情 you. I have always loved you, and I will always 爱情 you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every 秒 that I was away. When I told 你 I didn’t 爱情 you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.” Did she understand yet?
I watched as she slowly shook her head, tears still falling from her eyes.
Abruptly, panic hit me. What if she never believed me? What could I possibly do?
“You don’t believe me do you?” I asked, seeking assurance through my rhetorical question. “How can 你 believe the lie, but not the truth?”
“It never made sense for 你 to 爱情 me, I always knew that.” She whispered, her delicate, beautiful voice breaking twice.
There must be some way to make her see sense. To make her believe me.
A thought that had been at the back of my mind since Italy, burst to the front of my head.
“I’ll prove your awake.” I promised. I had the perfect way to do it.
I caught her face between my hands, reminding myself to be careful. I ignored her efforts to turn her head away and leaned in towards her face. Her scent was coming off her in waves and the heat of her skin warmed mine slightly. Oh, how I had missed her.
I leaned in closer, but when my lips were just half an inch from her's she spoke.
“Please don’t.” She whispered, heartbreak in her voice.
“Why not?” I couldn’t form a longer question. Her breath was caressing my face, stunning me.
“When I wake up” she began and I opened my mouth to protest. Hadn’t we already been through this?
“Okay, forget that one—” she cut in quickly. “When 你 leave again, it’s going to be hard enough without this too.” I pulled my face back an inch to stare at her nonplussed. She thought I was leaving. Even thinking about leaving hurt, but what if she wanted me to leave?
i hope 你 enjoyed it :)
just an extra, if 你 like new moon from other POV's read Alice's new moon 由 just_bella. its fantastic so i thought i'd tell 你 about it.