This is my first 文章 on Fanpop. I hope 你 like it. The 语录 and the 图片 aren't mine, but the 文章 is, so please do not use this 文章 without my permission. I hope this doesn't bother you.
Sheldon Lee Cooper
Season 1
Penny: So, what do 你 guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
''Pilot''.
Sheldon: Ah, gravity - thou art a heartless bitch.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): 你 have a sarcasm sign?
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. 超人 swoops down to save her 由 reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three. equal pieces.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Sheldon: I think that 你 [Leonard] have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
"The Fuzzy Boots Corollary".
Leonard: What's that?
Sheldon: Tea. When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. (a pause as he tries to think of what to do next, then he says awkwardly) 'There, there'. (another pause) 你 wanna talk about it?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Good! 'There there' was really all I had.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Sheldon: 给 the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system.
Kurt: You're a zebra, right?
Sheldon: (aside, to Leonard) Yet another child left behind ...
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I am uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: 你 could have told her the truth.
Leonard: I could not have 说 that, it would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose 你 could have agreed to go.
Leonard: What would I have 说 afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something along the lines of "singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for 你 and if 你 disagree, I recommend 你 do a CAT scan to locate the tumor which is pressing on the cognitive processing center of your brain".
''The Loobenfeld Decay''.
Sheldon: You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would 你 ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would 你 ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would 你 ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
''The Bat Jar Conjecture''.
Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.
Sheldon: Are 你 upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well there was a number of things. First the late hour, then 你 demeanors seems very low energy plus your irritability...
Leonard: Yes I'm upset!
Sheldon: Oh... I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah good for you.
Sheldon: (walks away and then turns back) Oh, wait. Did 你 want to talk about what's bothering you?
Leonard: I don't know... maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I'm on 火, 消防 tonight.
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.
Sheldon: You're out, too, 由 the way.
Leonard: Say what?
Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece 或者 nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.
Sheldon: Eat this slice of cheese without farting and 你 can sleep with my sister.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.
Store Clerk: Excuse me Sir, 你 don't work here
Sheldon: Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else
''The 花生 Reaction''.
Season 2
Sheldon: I promised Penny.
Leonard: Promised Penny what?
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell 你 the secret. (pause) Shhhhh!!!!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. 耶稣 is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Leonard: How could 你 just sit there and let them spy on me!?
Sheldon: They were very smart! They used my complete lack of interest in what 你 are doing.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Penny: Sheldon, could I ask 你 a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that 你 not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Sheldon: When I try to decieve, I myself have 更多 ticks then a lyme-disease research facility.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I read an 文章 about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous 果冻 鱼 into other animals; and I thought "Hey! 鱼 night-lights".
Leonard: 鱼 night-lights ...
Sheldon: It's a billion dollar idea ... SUSH!!!!
''The Luminous 鱼 Effect''.
Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make 耶稣 cry.
"The Euclid Alternative"/''The Classified Materials Turbulence''.
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: 洋葱 rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did 你 protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took 你 so long?
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, 蜥蜴 poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, 蜥蜴 eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
''The Lizard-Spock Expansion''.
Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied 你 sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask 问题 like that!
Sheldon: I heard 你 ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now 你 FINALLY have an answer.
''The Vartabedian Conundrum''.
Sheldon: 你 bought me a present? Why would 你 do such a thing? I know 你 think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. 你 haven't 给 me a gift, you've 给 me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for 你 a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented 由 the gift you've 给 me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself 由 being such an endearing and important part of your life...
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".
Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".
Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
"The Friendship Algorithm".
Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't 你 understand?
"The Friendship Algorithm".
Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
''The 《终结者》 Decoupling''.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".
Sheldon: 你 are effectively paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.
Penny: A day?
Sheldon: There are children working in sneaker factories in Indonesia who out-earn you.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".
Leonard: What were 你 doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: 你 know, I'm 给 to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you're welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm sleepy now get out.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Season 3
Sheldon (to his mom): But, evolution is not opinion, it's a fact!
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion!
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render 你 catatonic.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Howard, 你 know me to be a very smart man. Don't 你 think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Excuse me! Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. 你 know, if 你 three spent less time thinking about sex and 更多 time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure 你 that in none of them am I dancing.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: Sheldon, 你 can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what 你 meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: I'm just saying, 你 catch 更多 flies with honey then with vinegar.
Sheldon: 你 catch even 更多 with manure, what's your point?
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than 浓情巧克力 to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Sheldon: There's a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately, 你 have to be a visionary to see it.
"The Pirate Solution".
Sheldon: STOP IT BOTH OF YOU! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit George! I told 你 if 你 didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes 你 a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and 你 are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell 你 what is making Sheldon cry, that I let 你 name him SHELDON!
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years 以前 I told 你 not to talk to her, and now look. We're going to be late for the movies.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: 你 can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks.
''The Adhesive 鸭 Deficiency''.
Sheldon: Why do 你 have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd 你 see it? 你 说 你 wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
''The Adhesive 鸭 Deficiency''.
Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Wolowitz: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: And whether that propigation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.
[Video of Sheldon playing after his prank on Kripke, which also hit the 大学 president and board of directors]
Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to 你 from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If 你 would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.
Sheldon: Why are 你 crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make 茶 for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are 你 telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, 邪恶力量 ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, 由 the way, for which he is never brought to account.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Penny Sheldon, did 你 have a 圣诞节 tree?
Sheldon: Oh, yes... We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Clause with plastic reindeer on the front lawn... and to make things even 更多 jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house they induced neighborhood-wise seizures.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's 心 grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the 心 muscle, 或者 hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive 心 failure.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder.........drat.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: *knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much 更多 user-friendly than Windows Vista......I don't like that.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: This is the temperature 你 agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, 你 don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet 你 wound up in traffic court.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.
Sheldon: *After just being jailed, at the biggest guy in the cell who's sitting on a bench* That's my spot.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.
Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie de Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
''The Lunar Excitation.''.
Sheldon: Leonard, 你 may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants 你 in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: 你 really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. BAZINGA!
''The Monopolar Expedition''.
Penny: So what do 你 say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, 你 will be, my C-men.
''The Pants Alternative''.
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender 回复 "for you, no charge".
''The Pants Alternative''.
Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear 你 metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
''The Pants Alternative''.
*Playing 3D chess*
Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional 糖果 Land would be 更多 your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of 你 talk about after the coitus?
''The Precious Fragmentation''.
Sheldon: 你 can try, but you'll never catch me. Bazinga!
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize 你 are currently in the mercy if your primitive biological urges. But, as 你 have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.
Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: I am the proud owner of WilWheatonStinks.com, .net and .org!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Tweet that tweetie bird.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did 你 get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga, I don't care.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.
Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Leonard: Hey, where've 你 been?
Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.
Howard: What's wrong with you? 你 can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool.
Leonard: No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it.
Raj: Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all 日 about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
Howard: So would Ben Affleck.
''The 意大利面 Catalyst''.
Penny: So, how've 你 been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
''The 意大利面 Catalyst''.
Sheldon: *While peeing* Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my 心 got 迷失 in.
And shake twice for Texas.
''The Plimpton Stimulation''.
Leonard: 你 know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm there already!
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Oh, Ubuntu. You're my 最喜爱的 Linux-based operating system.
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply 由 referring to oneself as one.
The Lunar Excitation''.
Season 4
Sheldon: Is your womb available for rental?
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I *should* know, I do know.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: Well that's no threat, my mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: Curses!
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I just don't want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living 下一个 to 你 for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I know mother, but you're not fooling me. Every time 你 want to talk it means 你 want me listen.
Mrs. Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes, M'am
''The Zazzy Substitution''.
Sheldon: Oh, Penny! Penny!
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
''The Hot Troll Deviation''.
--
Alright. For now, I think that's it. This aren't all of the Sheldon quotes, but I hope 你 like this. I'll post 更多 语录 from another TBBT characters later.
IMPORTANT:
Again: Please... PLEASE don't use this 文章 without my permission, alright? I'll be glad to not see this 文章 anywhere else but in Fanpop. Yeah, I know I found the 语录 at another website, but the 文章 is completely mine, so 你 cannot use this 文章 without my permisson.
And, if 你 want, 你 can add 更多 Sheldon Cooper 语录 in the comments.
Sheldon Lee Cooper
Season 1
Penny: So, what do 你 guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
''Pilot''.
Sheldon: Ah, gravity - thou art a heartless bitch.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): 你 have a sarcasm sign?
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Penny: Yes, I know men can't fly.
Sheldon: No, no let's assume that they can. Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32ft per second, per second. 超人 swoops down to save her 由 reaching out two arms of steel. Ms. Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles per hour, hits them, and is immediately sliced into three. equal pieces.
''The Big Bran Hypothesis''.
Sheldon: I think that 你 [Leonard] have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
"The Fuzzy Boots Corollary".
Leonard: What's that?
Sheldon: Tea. When people are upset, the cultural convention is to bring them hot beverages. (a pause as he tries to think of what to do next, then he says awkwardly) 'There, there'. (another pause) 你 wanna talk about it?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Good! 'There there' was really all I had.
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Sheldon: 给 the reaction to my costume, this party is a scathing indictment of the American educational system.
Kurt: You're a zebra, right?
Sheldon: (aside, to Leonard) Yet another child left behind ...
''The Middle-Earth Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I am uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: 你 could have told her the truth.
Leonard: I could not have 说 that, it would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose 你 could have agreed to go.
Leonard: What would I have 说 afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something along the lines of "singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for 你 and if 你 disagree, I recommend 你 do a CAT scan to locate the tumor which is pressing on the cognitive processing center of your brain".
''The Loobenfeld Decay''.
Sheldon: You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would 你 ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would 你 ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would 你 ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?
''The Bat Jar Conjecture''.
Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding...
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.
Sheldon: Are 你 upset about something?
Leonard: What was your first clue?
Sheldon: Well there was a number of things. First the late hour, then 你 demeanors seems very low energy plus your irritability...
Leonard: Yes I'm upset!
Sheldon: Oh... I don't usually pick up on those things. Good for me.
Leonard: Yeah good for you.
Sheldon: (walks away and then turns back) Oh, wait. Did 你 want to talk about what's bothering you?
Leonard: I don't know... maybe.
Sheldon: Wow! I'm on 火, 消防 tonight.
''The Nerdvana Annihilation''.
Sheldon: You're out, too, 由 the way.
Leonard: Say what?
Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece 或者 nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.
Sheldon: Eat this slice of cheese without farting and 你 can sleep with my sister.
''The Pork Chop Indeterminacy''.
Store Clerk: Excuse me Sir, 你 don't work here
Sheldon: Yes, well apparently neither does anyone else
''The 花生 Reaction''.
Season 2
Sheldon: I promised Penny.
Leonard: Promised Penny what?
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell 你 the secret. (pause) Shhhhh!!!!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. 耶稣 is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Leonard: How could 你 just sit there and let them spy on me!?
Sheldon: They were very smart! They used my complete lack of interest in what 你 are doing.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Penny: Sheldon, could I ask 你 a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that 你 not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Sheldon: When I try to decieve, I myself have 更多 ticks then a lyme-disease research facility.
''The Bad 鱼 Paradigm''.
Sheldon: I read an 文章 about Japanese scientists who inserted DNA from luminous 果冻 鱼 into other animals; and I thought "Hey! 鱼 night-lights".
Leonard: 鱼 night-lights ...
Sheldon: It's a billion dollar idea ... SUSH!!!!
''The Luminous 鱼 Effect''.
Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
''The Griffin Equivalency''.
Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make 耶稣 cry.
"The Euclid Alternative"/''The Classified Materials Turbulence''.
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: 洋葱 rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did 你 protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took 你 so long?
''The Panty Pinata Polarization''.
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, 蜥蜴 poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, 蜥蜴 eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
''The Lizard-Spock Expansion''.
Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied 你 sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask 问题 like that!
Sheldon: I heard 你 ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now 你 FINALLY have an answer.
''The Vartabedian Conundrum''.
Sheldon: 你 bought me a present? Why would 你 do such a thing? I know 你 think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. 你 haven't 给 me a gift, you've 给 me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for 你 a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented 由 the gift you've 给 me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself 由 being such an endearing and important part of your life...
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".
Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
"The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis".
Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
"The Friendship Algorithm".
Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't 你 understand?
"The Friendship Algorithm".
Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
''The 《终结者》 Decoupling''.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".
Sheldon: 你 are effectively paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.
Penny: A day?
Sheldon: There are children working in sneaker factories in Indonesia who out-earn you.
"The Work Song Nanocluster".
Leonard: What were 你 doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: 你 know, I'm 给 to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you're welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm sleepy now get out.
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
''The Vegas Renormalization''.
Season 3
Sheldon (to his mom): But, evolution is not opinion, it's a fact!
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion!
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.
Raj: I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render 你 catatonic.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Howard, 你 know me to be a very smart man. Don't 你 think that if I were wrong, I'd know it?
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Excuse me! Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. 你 know, if 你 three spent less time thinking about sex and 更多 time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments.
''The Jiminy Conjecture''.
Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the "Many Worlds" theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure 你 that in none of them am I dancing.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: Sheldon, 你 can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat!
Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Penny: I give up. He's impossible!
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist! I think what 你 meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Leonard: I'm just saying, 你 catch 更多 flies with honey then with vinegar.
Sheldon: 你 catch even 更多 with manure, what's your point?
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than 浓情巧克力 to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that.
''The Gothowitz Deviation''.
Sheldon: There's a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately, 你 have to be a visionary to see it.
"The Pirate Solution".
Sheldon: STOP IT BOTH OF YOU! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
*Imitating his Mom* Dammit George! I told 你 if 你 didn't quit drinking I would leave you!
*Imitating his Dad* Well, I guess that makes 你 a liar, because I'm drunk as hell and 你 are still here!
*Imitating his Mom* Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!
*Imitating his Dad* I'll tell 你 what is making Sheldon cry, that I let 你 name him SHELDON!
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years 以前 I told 你 not to talk to her, and now look. We're going to be late for the movies.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: 你 can't make a half sandwich. If it's not half of a whole sandwich, it's just a small sandwich.
''The Guitarist Amplification''.
Sheldon: Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks.
''The Adhesive 鸭 Deficiency''.
Sheldon: Why do 你 have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd 你 see it? 你 说 你 wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.
''The Adhesive 鸭 Deficiency''.
Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Wolowitz: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: And whether that propigation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.
[Video of Sheldon playing after his prank on Kripke, which also hit the 大学 president and board of directors]
Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to 你 from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If 你 would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.
''The Vengeance Formulation''.
Sheldon: Why are 你 crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make 茶 for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are 你 telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, 邪恶力量 ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, 由 the way, for which he is never brought to account.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Penny Sheldon, did 你 have a 圣诞节 tree?
Sheldon: Oh, yes... We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Clause with plastic reindeer on the front lawn... and to make things even 更多 jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house they induced neighborhood-wise seizures.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's 心 grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the 心 muscle, 或者 hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive 心 failure.
''The Maternal Congruence''.
Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder.........drat.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: *knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
*knocking* Leonard and Penny!
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much 更多 user-friendly than Windows Vista......I don't like that.
''The Bozeman Reaction''.
Sheldon: This is the temperature 你 agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, 你 don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Good Morning your honor, Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se - that is to say representing himself.
Judge: I know what it means, I went to law school.
Sheldon: Yet 你 wound up in traffic court.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.
Sheldon: *After just being jailed, at the biggest guy in the cell who's sitting on a bench* That's my spot.
''The Excelsior Acquisition''.
Zack: Is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie de Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.
''The Lunar Excitation.''.
Sheldon: Leonard, 你 may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants 你 in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: 你 really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. BAZINGA!
''The Monopolar Expedition''.
Penny: So what do 你 say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, 你 will be, my C-men.
''The Pants Alternative''.
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender 回复 "for you, no charge".
''The Pants Alternative''.
Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear 你 metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
''The Pants Alternative''.
*Playing 3D chess*
Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional 糖果 Land would be 更多 your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.
''The Pancake Batter Anomaly''.
Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of 你 talk about after the coitus?
''The Precious Fragmentation''.
Sheldon: 你 can try, but you'll never catch me. Bazinga!
''The Einstein Approximation''.
Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize 你 are currently in the mercy if your primitive biological urges. But, as 你 have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
''The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation''.
Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: I am the proud owner of WilWheatonStinks.com, .net and .org!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Tweet that tweetie bird.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did 你 get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga, I don't care.
''The Gorilla Experiment''.
Sheldon: I am the ball, my thoughts are its thoughts, its holes are my holes.
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Sheldon: Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man, the Pope Paul V to my Galileo, the Internet Explorer to my Firefox!
''The Wheaton Recurrence''.
Leonard: Hey, where've 你 been?
Sheldon: I was talking with Penny.
Howard: What's wrong with you? 你 can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool.
Leonard: No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it.
Raj: Yeah, he's over it; that's why he's been whining all 日 about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black.
Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil.
Howard: So would Ben Affleck.
''The 意大利面 Catalyst''.
Penny: So, how've 你 been?
Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
''The 意大利面 Catalyst''.
Sheldon: *While peeing* Pee for Houston, pee for Austin.
Pee for the state my 心 got 迷失 in.
And shake twice for Texas.
''The Plimpton Stimulation''.
Leonard: 你 know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm there already!
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Oh, Ubuntu. You're my 最喜爱的 Linux-based operating system.
''The Staircase Implementation''.
Sheldon: Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply 由 referring to oneself as one.
The Lunar Excitation''.
Season 4
Sheldon: Is your womb available for rental?
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I have a Masters degree and two Doctorates. The things I *should* know, I do know.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: Well that's no threat, my mother's always wanted a grandchild.
Penny: Really? Your deeply religious born-again Christian mother wants a test-tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?
Sheldon: Curses!
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I just don't want to be yet another flip-flop fatality.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living 下一个 to 你 for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.
''The Robotic Manipulation''.
Sheldon: I know mother, but you're not fooling me. Every time 你 want to talk it means 你 want me listen.
Mrs. Cooper: Then stop talking.
Sheldon: Yes, M'am
''The Zazzy Substitution''.
Sheldon: Oh, Penny! Penny!
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
''The Hot Troll Deviation''.
--
Alright. For now, I think that's it. This aren't all of the Sheldon quotes, but I hope 你 like this. I'll post 更多 语录 from another TBBT characters later.
IMPORTANT:
Again: Please... PLEASE don't use this 文章 without my permission, alright? I'll be glad to not see this 文章 anywhere else but in Fanpop. Yeah, I know I found the 语录 at another website, but the 文章 is completely mine, so 你 cannot use this 文章 without my permisson.
And, if 你 want, 你 can add 更多 Sheldon Cooper 语录 in the comments.