Dear Honored Headmaster and Professor Snape,
Hallo! Thank 你 so much for all your help to our three kids. Sure, James Sirius can be a little rowdy, but 你 always look to his potential and never gave up… only one 更多 semester to go until summer! I’ll bet you’ll be sad to see him go!
I wrote this letter to invite 你 to the Burrow for a 圣诞节 dinner. Of course all the Weasleys will be there—since they’ve been homeschooled, 你 don’t get to see them much, do you?
…who am I kidding?
Listen. I know 你 don’t like me. 或者 anyone else that has an IQ of only a hundred. But… I think Hermione’s is 124… and we’re going to get Lily Luna tested soon. And Albus Sev doesn’t mean to get on your nerves; he’s usually just trying to help.
So just come to the 晚餐 party. 你 don’t even have to talk to anyone. Lupin and Teddy will be there, but they probably won’t bother you. Neville’s going to come, too, but… he’s… Neville, so you’re going to have to excuse him.
There’s going to be plenty of ham and 布丁 and everything. So come along. It’ll be fun.
Sincerely,
Harry James Potter
Potter,
No.
Snape
Dear Prof Snape,
Hey. So… Harry already sent 你 an invitation, but he says 你 didn’t RSVP. So, I’m 写作 to change that.
And I know after the war you’ve been crappier than usually. So maybe a 晚餐 party will change that and if 你 drink a little firewhisky 你 might be a little friendlier and maybe even find the muscles to smile.
And you’re getting away from Bellatrix, so that’s a plus, isn’t it? I mean, she’s always trying to choke 你 with her tongue, right? And 你 still have the hots for Harry’s mom, right? So, maybe if 你 come to the party, 你 might find pictures of Harry’s mom in a bikini. I mean, don’t go looking for pictures, but 你 might find one on accident, if 你 just stumble in Harry and Ginny’s bedroom on Harry’s side of the 床, 床上 underneath the mattress, 你 might 或者 might not find a bunch of personal family 照片 of her.
Just something to consider.
From,
Ronald Weasley
Weasley,
Detention.
Snape
Dear Honored and Beloved Headmaster Severus Snape, Teacher and Doctor Of The Defense Against The Dark Arts, and Great Potions Brewing Master,
Oh my goodness! 你 have to come to the party! Lily Luna can NOT stop talking about you. The boys don’t know but… I think she has a crush on you. And if 你 come, that’ll probably make her blush, causing a chain reaction where eventually everybody finds out and everything gets awkward and silent.
And think logically… a silent party. 你 won’t find one of those every day. Plus, Ron can’t eat when he’s nervous, so 你 might have a chance to put some meat on those scrawny 识骨寻踪 of yours.
Just consider it. Better than spending 圣诞节 with Bellatrix Lestrange, right?
Most Sincerely,
Hermione Weasley
PS. 你 have such a loyal, kind owl. It sent us a letter from your mother, who 说 that if you’re not coming to the Burrow to be sociable, 你 might as well spend 圣诞节 break with her.
Dear Ms. Granger,
I’ll be there. Just keep Lily Luna contained. And remind me to buy some grease at the grocery store, so maybe I can crush the latent attraction she feels towards me.
If that doesn’t work… Scorpius is a lonely kid, isn’t he?
From,
Professor Snape
Hallo! Thank 你 so much for all your help to our three kids. Sure, James Sirius can be a little rowdy, but 你 always look to his potential and never gave up… only one 更多 semester to go until summer! I’ll bet you’ll be sad to see him go!
I wrote this letter to invite 你 to the Burrow for a 圣诞节 dinner. Of course all the Weasleys will be there—since they’ve been homeschooled, 你 don’t get to see them much, do you?
…who am I kidding?
Listen. I know 你 don’t like me. 或者 anyone else that has an IQ of only a hundred. But… I think Hermione’s is 124… and we’re going to get Lily Luna tested soon. And Albus Sev doesn’t mean to get on your nerves; he’s usually just trying to help.
So just come to the 晚餐 party. 你 don’t even have to talk to anyone. Lupin and Teddy will be there, but they probably won’t bother you. Neville’s going to come, too, but… he’s… Neville, so you’re going to have to excuse him.
There’s going to be plenty of ham and 布丁 and everything. So come along. It’ll be fun.
Sincerely,
Harry James Potter
Potter,
No.
Snape
Dear Prof Snape,
Hey. So… Harry already sent 你 an invitation, but he says 你 didn’t RSVP. So, I’m 写作 to change that.
And I know after the war you’ve been crappier than usually. So maybe a 晚餐 party will change that and if 你 drink a little firewhisky 你 might be a little friendlier and maybe even find the muscles to smile.
And you’re getting away from Bellatrix, so that’s a plus, isn’t it? I mean, she’s always trying to choke 你 with her tongue, right? And 你 still have the hots for Harry’s mom, right? So, maybe if 你 come to the party, 你 might find pictures of Harry’s mom in a bikini. I mean, don’t go looking for pictures, but 你 might find one on accident, if 你 just stumble in Harry and Ginny’s bedroom on Harry’s side of the 床, 床上 underneath the mattress, 你 might 或者 might not find a bunch of personal family 照片 of her.
Just something to consider.
From,
Ronald Weasley
Weasley,
Detention.
Snape
Dear Honored and Beloved Headmaster Severus Snape, Teacher and Doctor Of The Defense Against The Dark Arts, and Great Potions Brewing Master,
Oh my goodness! 你 have to come to the party! Lily Luna can NOT stop talking about you. The boys don’t know but… I think she has a crush on you. And if 你 come, that’ll probably make her blush, causing a chain reaction where eventually everybody finds out and everything gets awkward and silent.
And think logically… a silent party. 你 won’t find one of those every day. Plus, Ron can’t eat when he’s nervous, so 你 might have a chance to put some meat on those scrawny 识骨寻踪 of yours.
Just consider it. Better than spending 圣诞节 with Bellatrix Lestrange, right?
Most Sincerely,
Hermione Weasley
PS. 你 have such a loyal, kind owl. It sent us a letter from your mother, who 说 that if you’re not coming to the Burrow to be sociable, 你 might as well spend 圣诞节 break with her.
Dear Ms. Granger,
I’ll be there. Just keep Lily Luna contained. And remind me to buy some grease at the grocery store, so maybe I can crush the latent attraction she feels towards me.
If that doesn’t work… Scorpius is a lonely kid, isn’t he?
From,
Professor Snape
I believe the time has come that we need to set up some ground rules. Because I know most of 你 have the attention span of rodents, I'll make this short:
1) No nudity. I don't care if they cropped it our so no one can see any of the "stuff." It's a step too close to porn, which I don't appreciate.
2) No cursing. To be 更多 relaxed, mild curse words are alright, but I'd rather them be cut off completely. As a general rule, if they bleep a word out on Comedy Central, it's too much to say here.
3) Don't be rude to others. We need to be polite to everyone and... WAIT, I'M DISCIPLING ALL OF YOU. I'm not being MEAN. Being your professor, I belive I can use any sort of punishment I need to get my point across, got that? Good.
That's all. 你 may be excused. Except all of 你 that talked during this article. You'll stay behind for detention during the Quidditch match...
1) No nudity. I don't care if they cropped it our so no one can see any of the "stuff." It's a step too close to porn, which I don't appreciate.
2) No cursing. To be 更多 relaxed, mild curse words are alright, but I'd rather them be cut off completely. As a general rule, if they bleep a word out on Comedy Central, it's too much to say here.
3) Don't be rude to others. We need to be polite to everyone and... WAIT, I'M DISCIPLING ALL OF YOU. I'm not being MEAN. Being your professor, I belive I can use any sort of punishment I need to get my point across, got that? Good.
That's all. 你 may be excused. Except all of 你 that talked during this article. You'll stay behind for detention during the Quidditch match...